The Crystal 3 by Jones M (uplifting books for women .txt) 📕

rooms. I squinted my eyebrows, noticing a set of stairs that took up part of the hallway at the far end. That must have been the entryway to the roof.

Zane came out through a door I didn't notice in the hallway wearing a gray T-shirt. I felt like frowning because his naked torso was hidden.

"What would you like to talk to me about?" he asked, grabbing my hand as he led me to the entertainment room. I shivered, feeling a jolt of electricity that I so wished could disappear. 

Zane and I went to the entertainment room, taking a seat on one of the sofas. "Are you avoiding me?" I asked him, and I noticed the expression of fear that lingered for a second.

"What? I'm not avoiding you."

I could see that Zane had been lying, and I felt hurt for a moment.

"Well, it sure feels like it. Your friends told me that you have been very busy. I know you are a high school teacher. How busy can you --"

"Alright, fine. I have been avoiding you," he replied, deciding to drop the lie sooner than I thought he would.

"Why?" I asked with a furrow of my eyebrows. "Is it something I did? Look. I have no idea of what I've done, but I'm--"

"It's not you, Emery," Zane spoke. "It's me."

It felt like the usual thing someone would say to end a relationship, but I felt that Zane had a different meaning. I urged him to go on.

"I don't deserve you."

I needed to take a moment to digest what he told me.

"What?" I was confused as I stared at Zane in befuddlement. It was not what I expected him to say.

"I don't deserve to be around a wonderful person like you," Zane continued. I was slightly flattered that he thought I was wonderful, but I was worried about him.

"Zane, why are you saying that? What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean!" he yelled out in anger. "I'm not a good person, Emery. I bullied you, had you taken to jail for something you never did, and I didn't believe you when you had warned me about Bianca. How can you still want to be around someone like me?"

Zane's outburst was not what I expected. It clued me in that he still regretted what he did to me in the past.

"Zane, that's all in the past--"

"You called me your bad luck charm," he interrupted. "I didn't understand what you meant then, but I finally figured it out. I bullied you in high school. I tried to make amends, but things went worse for you."

"Zane..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say because all he said was true.

"You were almost killed in a freaking hotel room. You went to jail for crap you never did. I insulted you and beat you up to the point that I almost killed you. How can you still want to be around me?"

Tears had started to form in my eyes. I wasn't crying for only myself, but also for Zane. He had to stop thinking of the past.

"My mind is still fixated on all the crap I did to you. I wish I could rewind time and slap some sense into myself. I would have stopped all this mess, and I wouldn't have stayed thirteen long years without you."

My heartbeat increased with every word that Zane spoke. The tears also kept on flowing.

"Z-Zane..." I hiccupped. "I want you to forgive yourself."

Zane shook his head as he too began crying. I moved towards him and held onto his shoulders. I grabbed them and forced him to stare into my eyes.

"Look. It wasn't easy to forgive all of you. Honestly, I don't know if I truly have."

"Emery--"

"Forgive yourself, Zane. I want things to be okay between us. All the shit you did to me was of the past."

"Emery--"

"Everyone deserves chances. I know you regret what you did. I may not be able to forget it, but you can make up for all of it."

"H-How?" Zane asked as he wiped the tears from his eyes. I walked forwards and embraced him in a hug. He did not return it, and I understood.

"I want us to hang out together," I whispered in his ear. "I want to know the person you currently are. I want to be friends with you. I want to know the true version of you that cares so much about me. But for that to happen, I want you to forgive yourself."

I retracted the hug and faced Zane. He had closed his eyes, not daring to look at me. 

"Think about what I've told you," I said before I started making my way towards the door. 

I didn't think continuing my stay would help matters. Zane needed to ponder over my words. Hopefully, he would get over our past and then we could focus on the present.

 

Chapter 15

 

Three weeks later

Zane's P.O.V

"So far, it has been three weeks. I am glad to say that you have been making progress," my therapist congratulated me with a smile. I smiled back at him as I sunk into the comfortable sofa, feeling glad about the report.

"Thank you, Charles," I replied. 

I was in a therapeutic room with Emery's previous therapist, Doctor Charles. After Emery visited me and told me how she wanted things to be okay between us, I found myself sorrowful and still unworthy of being around her. I questioned myself and began wondering if what I believed was true. 

That was then the idea of seeing Doctor Charles came to mind.

He didn't mind my unexpected visit, and he was willing to help me with my emotional problems. I told him of my current situation with Emery, and we came up with a plan comprising of hourly sessions that would be done three times a week. He also advised me to stay away from objects and people that could trigger the past. That included my former bandmates, Erick, Selena, Elizabeth, and Emery. 

I told the guys of my therapy sessions, and they were okay with it; they agreed to keep their distance to help with my recovery.

As a surprise, Charles had told me that my former bandmates also went to him for therapy when Emery was still in the mental institution. He suspected I had the same problems as they did, and that made me feel more comfortable around him.

At first, Charles concentrated with the bullying I did to Emery. I always thought I did it because I thought it was fun. I believed I was nothing but a jerk, but Charles proved me wrong. He had me examine every part of my teenage life, discovering the hidden anger issues with my family and friends. That had played a part in making me a bully. My father had been caught cheating, and he had left before I enrolled in high school. I was furious with what he did. I wanted to expel the emotions in me, and I, unfortunately, did so on Emery. Charles also talked about the feelings I evidently still had for Emery. He also told me that my love for her could have played a part in the bullying I did.

The talk about the abuse had made me angry and sad with myself. I had spent the past therapy sessions with Charles as he tried to make me come to terms with what I did and how I felt in high school. I didn't think it was important, but apparently, it was. 

Weeks later, I came to understand and accept everything I did in high school.

At the current time, Charles was going to ask me something somewhat expected.

"On our previous sessions, we focused on your teenage years and the emotions you felt and wrongly vented on other people. Zane, Emery told me of how you and your friends used to bully her. I helped her get over it, and I told her that you and the rest of the guys had issues in your lives."

I was surprised that Charles was bringing up the past, but it did not hurt like last time. I believed that Emery had forgiven me, and I was trying to make up for every bad thing I did to her. I still had the thoughts that I was not worthy of being her friend or lover, and I guessed Charles was going to talk about that.

"Zane, how did you react when Emery returned to Crystalia?" Charles asked. The answer was obvious to the both of us, but I guessed he wanted me to voice it out. I couldn't because tears were threatening to leave my eyes.

"Let's talk about Bianca," he said once I didn't reply to his query.

"Charles--" I spoke despite the heavy weight in my heart.

"I'm doing this for your own good. I need you to tell me about Bianca, from the moment you met until the moment she was imprisoned."

I sighed before slowly talking about everything that happened around the questioned period. It was hard to relive all the mistakes I had done: yelling and cursing at Emery, not being on her side as she was being escorted by the police, and, worst of all, not believing her when she told everyone about Bianca. I was also angry with myself because I was still in love with Emery and I was using Bianca to get over the love I had for her. But that did not turn out so well because I still loved Emery.

"I can understand the whole dream Erick had and how all the evidence pointed to Emery, even though she didn't do anything. Zane, what I'm picking up is that you wanted Emery to be wrong. You wanted her to be the bad guy."

"I did," I replied.

"Why?"

The tears flowed from my eyes. I quickly wiped them off with the left sleeve of my shirt and took a deep breath.

"I still had feelings for her, and that was bad for me. I wanted to get rid of them by falling for Bianca. It didn't work. I still loved Emery even though I was under the impression that she would turn evil. At times, I even found myself believing Emery's words were true about Bianca. There was an interview we had where Emery exposed a guy who had hacked her Twitter account and was using it to post awful things about the Ordinary Brothers. I didn't want to believe it because... because..."

"If she was right about that, then she was right about everything else," Charles replied with a sympathetic stare. I looked at the floor as I hugged my head between my thighs, vigorously shaking it in regret.

"She was right about everything else," I said with a sarcastic smile as tears kept flowing. "I looked like a complete asshole. I had made the biggest mess in my entire life, and I did not know how to fix it. How can I correct every bad thing I did to her?"

"You can't," Charles said. I smiled despite the tears, finding myself stuck in the same shithole after Emery exposed Bianca.

"And if you're thinking about killing yourself, it will not do you any good," I winced, remembering what I had tried to do years ago, but Charles ignored it. "You will just end up making everyone who loves you grieve and wonder why