Breaching His Defenses by Allyson Lindt (me reader .TXT) đź“•
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- Author: Allyson Lindt
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Jared’s pride surged in on his hurt. He’d already fixed anything that was there. He’d been through that fucking system so many times in the past six months, he had no doubt it was solid. Especially after listening to her every time she’d talked about what kinds of unseen holes could be in networks. He’d taken every hint from anything she’d said and applied it. The last thing he needed was her help, or anything that meant spending more time with her.
He couldn’t meet her hopeful eyes. He pushed back from the table, focusing on the irritation coursing through him. “I’m done here.”
He put as much distance between himself and the coffee shop as quickly as he could. At least the show was wrapping up for the day, so he didn’t have to meet with, or pretend to be civil to anyone else. He was starting to regret that the three of them were sticking around through the weekend just to enjoy Vegas.
He ignored Mikki’s weak protest behind him as he wove through the crowds. The night before and this morning ran in a non-terminating loop in his head.
He walked without purpose, letting his feet pick the direction.
How had he missed so much? The signs about his nonexistent chances at promotion. Getting hooked on a woman who’d lied to him, used him, and betrayed him. Buying into the delusion that she had the right idea about work and life.
And still a part of his mind reminded him she didn’t have to track him down last night or today. Whispered she’d seemed to be as into him as he was into her.
The words sank under his annoyance. Into her. The thought hit him harder than he expected, and a sharp pang ticked in his chest. Was he actually falling for her? The revelation tumbled in on top of the question, and he ground to a stop in the middle of the foot traffic. How fucking stupid was he?
“Watch it asshole.” Someone jostled him from behind, and then someone else.
He shook his head to clear his thoughts, but it didn’t work. She was flighty and impulsive and unpredictable. She was too young, worked for the competition, and wore sheer red lace to business dinners. Oh, and she thought breaking and entering was fun.
He stepped aside in the Skriddie booth and gave Tate a weak smile. Apparently the sales meetings had finished.
Tate joined him, dropping his voice so only Jared could hear. “V tells me you were Karened.”
Great. Now my past is a verb. A growl rolled through Jared. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have anywhere, but especially not in public. Still, the answer rose to his tongue. “She didn’t tell you that. She doesn’t think the two are the same at all.”
He wasn’t sure how he knew that, or why he said it. They were similar enough that it didn’t matter. And why was he delving into this? He’d already made up his mind.
“She didn’t use those exact words. She didn’t use many at all.” Tate and Viv frequently didn’t see eye to eye, so Jared wasn’t surprised the conversation had been brief.
“She probably told the story better than I would have,” Jared said.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry it came to this.” Tate kept his voice low. “You know what I say about business and pleasure, but I’m still sorry.”
Jared wouldn’t mind going the rest of the day without one of his friends pointing out how they thought the physical part of this mess had been stupid. He knew that, and it hurt a lot less to focus on the ethical issues he had with the entire thing. Still, he couldn’t take his frustrations out on them.
He could make his excuses and walk away long enough to get his head on straight, though. “Yeah, thanks. I need…” What? The words died in his throat, assaulted by an avalanche of conflicted thoughts. He shook the jumble away. “I need to get some work done.”
“Sure.” Tate shrugged. Jared turned away. Tate’s next question made him pause. “Would you have done it?”
Jared bit back a sigh. He didn’t want to delve into this. “Done what?”
“Say you’re up for the job of a lifetime, at least so far in your career. You can’t get your foot in the door because you’re young and inexperienced on paper, but you’ve found a place that looks promising. They say prove your skill, and you realize you’re on a Microsoft network.”
Jared clenched his jaw, not liking where the question was going.
“Do you really walk away and not touch it? Even if you don’t work with the company after, because ethics. Do you really keep your fingers by your sides and not even test your skill?”
“I thought you were on my side.” Jared didn’t like the immature sound of his own response, but it was better than letting himself admit what his answer was to the question.
“I am,” Tate replied. “The last thing I want is to see you devastated like last time. And not just because you’re a superior ass when you’re heartbroken.”
“Thanks.” Jared spat the word out. He wasn’t heartbroken. Furious. Betrayed. Pissed off beyond belief. But not heartbroken. He strode away without another word, not sure what else to say.
The longer he wandered, the more his friends’ words gnawed at him. Their logic mingled with Mikki’s apology. It was true, both had warned him away from her in their own way. But neither seemed to think it was reasonable to hold her transgression against her.
He couldn’t let it go, though. This wasn’t the kind of thing he could just forgive. That realization warred with the bits of him that adored Mikki. It had been a fling, a stupid decision, and something he needed to put in the past now.
If it had really been just a fling, his chest wouldn’t ache this much. He wouldn’t keep coming back to how much it hurt that she’d betrayed him, even if she hadn’t done it intentionally.
And he wouldn’t be itching to talk to her again. To see if this could actually be made right. Stupid, fucking, irrational attachment. Goddammit, why did he have to want her in his life so badly?
Mikki couldn’t believe she’d started to fall at all, let alone so hard it was going to leave bruises on her psyche. A stupid fucking hookup, apparently wrapped in a tremendous lie of her own making, and she’d sunk into it.
For the last four hours, she’d replayed her apologies in her head. Or at least the bits from last night she remembered. It had been the perfect background music to packing up the NSS booth and private conference room. Replaying Jared’s disdain. Looping his dismissal.
She tossed a wound-up network cable against the wall, where it clattered harmlessly into the box below. Yup, it was the perfect series of thoughts to keep her company.
She didn’t blame him for being furious. She would be too. It didn’t matter how much she’d tried to tell herself their opinions were inconsequential. For the first time since she’d entered the industry, she’d met people she respected, and now she’d destroyed any ties with them.
She was stuck in a job with a shitty, lying, asshole boss, who’d made it clear he wasn’t giving her references anywhere else. She’d destroyed her personal and professional lives just like that. Poof.
Maybe Payton had been right. She was awfully stupid for someone so smart.
“Do you have a minute?”
She jumped at Jared’s question, pulse screaming into overdrive, only partly because she was startled. Calm down. He probably wanted details about her hack after all. He’d want to fix his network, not their relationship. She had a feeling there was no fixing them, even on a friendship level, let alone more. She faced him, unable to think enough to know how she should look or react.
He was lounged against the door frame, watching her, expression flat and guarded. “Is now a good time?”
She might as well get whatever this was over with. She nodded.
“In private?”
She nodded again. Where the hell was her voice?
He kicked the doorstop out of the way and stepped inside before the door swung shut. “Are you flying out tonight?”
“No.” She managed to force the single word past her lips but couldn’t hide her cringe at how weak it sounded. She swallowed. “Later tomorrow. I’m part of the cleanup crew.”
He bounced on his toes, still hovering near the door. “That’s nice.”
What did he want? Was he hoping for more of an apology? Was this his way of digging in the knife? She certainly deserved it. But nothing in their short time together convinced her he was like that. “You?”
“We’re here all weekend. Probably to see more of the sights and ignore work for a few days.”
“Awesome.” She couldn’t play this game. Whatever he was up to, she wouldn’t let it devour her. It needed to be out in the open. “What can I do for you?”
A tremor ran through his laugh. “That’s a loaded question.”
Was he nervous? That didn’t feel right. She shrugged, not sure how to respond.
He took a few steps but still kept his distance. “The other night you asked me about my past. You spilled your guts, I shrugged you off.”
She had no idea where he was going with a line like that, but it was better than his barely controlled disgust, so she let him talk.
“That shit people say when they talk about what I did all those years ago. The stuff I assume you learned in school. I’m not some great, genius mastermind. Don’t get me wrong—” he looked at her, the corner of his mouth tugging up for the briefest moment before the smile vanished, “—it was impressive, groundbreaking shit. I knew what I was doing.”
A tiny laugh slipped from her throat, driven by too much mounting tension, and she swallowed it back. “I don’t doubt it for a second.”
He gazed past her, at something she assumed wasn’t there, and then shook his head. The focus returned to his eyes. “I didn’t do it to get my name in textbooks, or even to impress anyone. I did it out of spite. There was a woman—Karen—who was like no one I’ve met before or since.”
Mikki’s gut clenched at the implication there was someone in the past she’d never measure up to, and she bit the inside of her cheek. Not that it should matter. She and Jared were so finished they’d never really started. The reassurance didn’t stop her heart from aching.
“She used to tell me everything I wanted to hear.” The clouded expression returned to his eyes, as if he’d stepped out of the room and into another place. “About work, and life, and all of it.”
Did he want someone like that? Mikki recoiled at the thought. Half their relationship had been about her challenging everything he said. But the idea of coddling anyone’s ego left a sour taste in her mouth. “I see.”
“It was horrible,” Jared said. “I didn’t believe so at the time, but I hated it. I didn’t have to think when she was around. Or grow, or change. I just had to be. But all I knew then was I had someone who adored and worshipped me. I was in love, and I was going to propose, and we were going to live happily ever after.”
A stone sank in her gut at the word “love.” He’d felt that for someone once. Obviously not someone he was with anymore, but the knowledge still dug deep. I adore and worship you. She swallowed the retort before it could spill out. Probably not the right thing to say.
He met her gaze, jaw clenched. “Except she didn’t mean any of it. I mean, maybe she did once upon a time, but I have a hard time believing it. She…” He drew in a shuddering breath, and then exhaled slowly. “She worked for NetSafe Systems, of all companies, who at
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