Was It Right to Forgive? by Amelia Edith Huddleston Barr (classic book list txt) 📕

bad! You might have faith in your daughter. No wonder so many people treat me shyly, when you come to my room to insult me. Oh, mamma, it is too cruel! It is too cruel! It is, indeed!"

Then mother and daughter wept together, and things were said between them far too sacred to be put into words--confessions, that had no articulate form; promises, that were never to be broken; sympathy, alliance, love invincible, hoping all things, believing all things! And when at length "good-night" was kissed, not spoken, there was an air of solemnity on Mrs. Filmer's face that the world had never seen there, not even in church; and Rose was white as a lily, and her fair head drooped, and her heart was heavy, though not quite uncomforted. Long after her mother had gone away, the girl sat quiet as a stone, half-undressed, with sleep far from her eyes and her conscience wide awake; and it was not until the clock of a neighboring church struck three that she roused herself and began to finish her preparations for sleep.

"It is so hard to be good, and yet I do so long to be good!" she muttered; and then, because it had been her life-long custom, she fell upon her knees and clasped her hands; and a sacred fear suddenly encompassed her, and she was quite silent. Nevertheless, the struggling soul--sleepless and foreseeing--cried out to the All-Merciful; and so, though she knew it not, she prayed.


CHAPTER VI

Miss Alida might well congratulate herself on the interesting entanglements which she had voluntarily brought into her own placid life. Day by day, they grew into her heart, and gave that human zest to her employments and amusements, that their mere forms could never have done. A ball-room in which Rose was to watch, and Antony was to advise or sympathize with, was something more than a space for dancing. In the theatre or opera, there was a personal drama under her observation, in which she played no subordinate part; and even at her own fireside and table, she found that in many ways she could direct and advise and control events, to the end she thought most desirable.

For she had definitely made up her mind that the marriage of Rose to Antony would be the girl's salvation; and she was resolved to accomplish it. That Mrs. Filmer actively, and Mr. Filmer mildly, disapproved the union only filliped her design onward to its completion. She believed Emma Filmer's affections to have "undergone the world" and become dead to all but worldly considerations of position and money. And as for Henry Filmer's opinions on any living question, she thought it might be as profitable to consult a mediaeval ghost. In both of these conclusions she was wrong; but it would have been very difficult to have convinced her of her error.

Adriana's affairs in some respects gave her less trouble. Adriana felt no special interest in any of the gentlemen inclined to feel a special interest in her. Only to Professor Snowdon did she show herself in that sweet home abandon which was her great charm; to all others, she was grave, tideless-blooded, calm and cool. The ordinary young man was a little uncomfortable in her presence. She had none of the ready platitudes which were the current coin of his conversation; and in the spaciousness of her nature, he got bewildered and lost.

This attitude was a trifle provoking sometimes. "You are too large-minded, Adriana," said Miss Alida to her one morning, as they sat talking. "That comes of measuring yourself by Cousin Peter all the time. But though it is right that old people should think for themselves, youth ought to be conventional. What harm is there in dancing? And why can you not go to the Filmers' dance?"

"There is not, perhaps, any harm in the act of dancing; but father says no one can dance and think at the same time, and that way mischief lies. When you dance, your brains are in your toes, and you let consideration slip. You are at the mercy of your emotions also; and that is a kind of thing to rot the moral fibre. I quote father, and you need not hold up your hands at my 'consideration.' As for going to Mrs. Filmer's, I have a personal reluctance to do so. She practically bowed me out of her house not so long ago."

"But Rose did not know it. And Emma Filmer is a woman of the world, and appreciates people according to the company they keep. As far as I have known her, she periodically deserts her old friends for more eligible new ones. She thought she had done with you, and she wished to be done with you, because you interfered with Harry."

"So, then, if I go to Rose's dance, she will be sure I have done so for an opportunity to interfere with Harry once more."

"Then go for that very purpose. I would. I am provoked to death with the young man. He has refused all my invitations--very sorry to do so--but--"

"But he did not want to come. He evidently does not care to meet me again. It is very humiliating."

"He fears to meet you again. And I think, Yanna, you made him drink a very humble cup. Men do not readily forgive such wounds to their self-esteem."

"Harry has disappointed me. I hear nothing good of him."

"I wouldn't quite believe all Rose said on that subject. It is true that he is running a fast rig with a lot of gilded goslings, whose money came from industrious, economical ancestors. And it is also true that Harry has but a small inherited income, and must depend largely upon the results of his transactions in Wall Street; and that, therefore, he is simply going to poverty in very swagger company. But nothing else will cure him of his folly; not his father's advice, nor his mother's tears, nor love, nor honor, nor any good thing. Only poverty cures extravagance. Some day he will doubtless be sorry enough. Harry's great want in life is a friend who will make him do what he can do."

"It is a want we all share."

"Then be a friend, and make me do what I can do."

"You can do the thing you sketched out for yourself and others to Professor Snowdon. Bring together all the pure Dutch gentlewomen you know. Then begin your benevolent Holland Society. You are a fine organizer, and excel in setting every one around you either to work or play."

"Now, Yanna, it is my turn. Your duty is to forgive Emma Filmer, and to do good to her just because she did evil to you--which is a nice way of saying, go to the Filmer ball, and be as lovely to Harry as possible."

"You know father does not like me to go to dances; and Mrs. Filmer will not understand my presence in the light you put it. She does not think I have been badly used, and she would not consider my being 'lovely to Harry' a kindness. I would rather talk no more on that subject."

"Very well." Miss Alida said the words with an air of disappointment, and then walked to the window to recover herself. In a few minutes she turned round, and said pleasantly:

"What will you do with your afternoon, Adriana?"

"I thought of going to see sister Augusta. I have not been near her for nearly two weeks. Antony spoke of one of the children being unwell."

"Would you like me to drive you there? I can do so as I go for Mrs. Daly."

"No, cousin. Augusta would think I was putting on airs, and would scold me for it. I will take the cars or walk."

"Give my remembrance to her, and ask if she will join our society."

In half-an-hour Adriana was ready for her visit, and Miss Alida watched her going down the avenue, walking swiftly and erect, with her head well up, and her neatly-folded umbrella in her hand. The afternoon was bright and pleasant, warm for the season, and Adriana was much exhilarated by the walk, when she reached her destination. It was in that part of Second Avenue which still retains many traces of its former aristocracy,--a brick house at the corner of a street leading down to the East River. The whole first floor of the building was occupied by her brother-in-law's grocery, the dwelling was immediately above it. An air of definite cleanliness pervaded the stairway to it, and as soon as she entered the house the prim spotlessness assailed her like a force; the presence of a wind could not have been more tangible.

Augusta herself, with her fair, rosy face, her smoothly braided hair, and her exquisite, neat dress, might have been the genius of domestic order. Her whole house had the air of having been polished from one end to the other; and the table-cloth in which Augusta was darning "a thin place" was whiter than snow, and ironed as if for a palace. She kissed Adriana with affection, but also with that air of superiority which her position as an eldest sister gave her. Then they sat down and talked over their home affairs--of the brothers in Florida, who were doing so well, of their sister Gertrude, who had bad health, of Antony, of their father, and of John Van Nostrand's election to the Assembly. In a little while, the children came in from school--six rosy, orderly boys and girls, who knew better than to bring in a speck of dust, or to move a chair one inch out of its proper place.

The eldest girl soon began to lay a table with the utmost neatness and despatch, and the eldest boy having said a short grace, all sat quietly down and waited for their portions. Then Augusta put aside her sewing, and standing among her children, cut them beef and bread, and poured into the christening cups of each child its measure of milk; while they talked gaily to her of their lessons and their play. One little girl showed her the medal on her breast, and received a smile and pat on her curly head for the honor; and a little lad of ten years old shyly exhibited a tear in his jacket, which he had got in a fight about his skates. The mother heard what he had to say, and looked gravely at him. "Did you whip Gustav Bok for changing your skates?" she asked. "Not to-day, mother; but I will whip him to-morrow." "After that I will mend your coat," she answered. "You must, of course, punish him, Adrian." The little dialogue was a matter only for Adrian and his mother, the other children took no part in it. The whole scene was one of unconscious beauty, and Adriana thought she had never beheld anything fairer than Augusta among her children, with the loaf of bread or the pitcher of milk in her hands. So confidently were the little faces lifted to her; while her countenance--large, fair, and benignant--looked a blessing into each.

Suddenly, as Adriana watched her, she remembered her cousin's message, and gave it. Augusta listened to the proposed plan of the new society with patience, but without a shadow of interest; and when Adriana ceased speaking, she waved her hands slightly, and answered:

"You see for yourself. I have my children, and my house, and my good John Van Nostrand to look after. With my cleaning, and my baking, and my sewing, and my cooking, these hands are full. Shall I neglect one duty, which is my