Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (motivational novels txt) 📕

The love-starved bitch that I was, I spent most of my leisure time stalking the professor's personal life. I fired up my laptop, signed into Facebook, and realized he'd accepted my friend invite. A few clicks later, I'd opened his picture albums. I checked out each, one at a time. Boring smoke holes into his pictures and I even saved a few hotshots, one of which was going to be my wallpaper for the week. It was a picture of cute puppies in a basket and kittens in tubs, but now it was going to be Rowan Masters.

He smiled back at me from the picture, his arm around an ex-Carmel student. A pretty girl had a firm grip around his waist, (I could feel those red painted nails dig deep in his shirt). I wanted to get a print of that picture, tear it in half and mark red cross marks over her face and watch as it burned to ashes with a loud melodramatic evil laugh. I snapped the device shut feeling uneasy for such a crappy reason. Jealousy was such a crazy bitch.

As if on auto-pilot, I grabbed my phone, threw a tank top on, and made my way out of the dorms. My legs were automatically programmed into walking straight towards the professor's apartment. I stepped into the elevator; the lift man eyed me suspiciously when I told him where I was headed.

I rang the doorbell once and twice until the door opened. Rowan smiled sheepishly at me as he led me in.

There was no Minnie in view; I only assumed she was in some other room.

"To what do I owe this honor?" he asked me.

"I had a few problems with the new unit you started teaching earlier today." I was surprised at how I lied without missing a beat.

He smiled at me, all too knowingly. "And you did not think it was necessary to carry your book?"

Good point.

"Why? I can't come to see you if it has nothing to do with economics?" I folded my hands across my chest. I was born miserable when it came to hiding disappointment

"Of course you can." He said.

"May I sit?" I taunted him as I settled on the couch.

"You may." Rowan sank towards the other end of the couch. "So tell me, Alana, how can I help you?"

"Do you do it often?"

He frowned at me, "do... what often?"

"You know, bat your eyes at a student, take her out on a date, suck face in your office and pretend it never happened?" I had to pat my back later for the sheer boldness or pull that collar out.

He gave out soft ringing laughter, showing off an impressive set of white teeth that told me he was regular to the dentist. He started saying something when I cut him off, "let me guess, 'that definitely wasn't my intention.' Well—screw that!"

I made a very good imitation of his voice which had him double over with laughter.

"What do you want me to say, Alana? It's not like I don't know where you're getting at. This wasn't supposed to happen. When I first met you, I wasn't thinking rationally, now I am. No matter how much we like each other, the mere fact of us being tangled in a student-teacher relationship remains." A pause later he continued, "Don't get me wrong, I want us together so bad, since the time you walked right into me that first day of your university. It's a grave..grave risk. We might end up ruining my reputation along with your future and frankly speaking, I don't give a damn about my reputation. There's nothing to lose when you've already lost so much. It's you, I'm concerned for. I don't want that for you. I don't want you to regret this later."

"I won't." I inched closer to his side, and let my fingers find his. Our hands touched, palm to palm, fingers automatically entwining.

"How are you so sure?"

"I'm positive."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really."

He turned on the couch to face me. He laced his arms around my waist and lifted me into his lap to directly face him. My thighs stranded his waist, his fingers slid beneath my tank top as he caressed the skin slowly. I realized he was waiting for me to take the lead so I did. I leaned into his sweet masculine scent as I captured his mouth into mine, savoring and deepening the kiss. I could hear my heartbeat more clearly like it was the only thing that felt alive in this room. He pulled me even closer, suckling my lower lip, and then gently licking the top one, sending a fire igniting through me.

I pulled back for an intake of breath. I whispered. "I love you."

His eyes went wide. I had rendered him speechless. I had to strain my ear to hear his next words, "Say my name."

"Rowan."

"No, say you love me and my name." He reminded me of the boy pleading for a blue balloon.

"I love you Rowan."

"Do you want me?" he asked as if the thought of me not wanting him would cause him pain.

"More than anything," I answered.

Something fierce blazed in those pools of mocha eyes, when he slammed into me, I had to grab for his shirt to save my ass from free falling to the floor. When he'd thoroughly re-searched every contour of my mouth, and was about to take it to the next level, the damn phone decided to ring.

He sighed as he reached for his i-phone. When he registered the number, his jaw tightened. He carefully rolled me back to sit on the couch. I had a feeling the particular phone call was about to blow a gasket.

"What do you want?" his voice dripped malice.

I couldn't exactly hear what was going on towards the other end.

"Did I fail to be clear when I said DON'T FUCKING CALL ME!"

I almost flinched at the sudden high pitch of his voice which also came with an extra sugar coating of a string of curses. He stood up as he rubbed his temple.

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER, UNDERSTAND?" he snarled, letting the phone slip out and hit the rug below.

He ran his fingers through his hair. Damn the bells. A school bell first and now a phone bell? These bells are becoming my mortal enemies. Rowan began pacing the room, I dwelled on whether I should ask him, better yet, talk to him about it because I would be fooling myself if I said I wasn't the least bit scared.