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'I will rather accept death instead of begging in front of a bastard like you' in a low voice I whispered.Β 

He chucked loudly but in frustration.Β 

'Still fucking stubborn' 'but you know what Elena, not even death can take you away from me, you are mine'. His voice completely filled with his sick possessiveness.

With all I had, I speak in a low voiceΒ 

'Fuck you and I am not yours'Β 

The same words I said before he locked me in, and I kept saying this everytime he shows up not backing off from my point because I knew these get on his nerves crushing his pride. After I finish I knew what would happen and where is this going because the same was happening from the last seven days the difference is that earlier in start I tried to put fight with him but know I don't have much strength left inside me so I let him do whatever he wants without wasting my energy.Β 

With his other hand he clutched my neck tightlyΒ 

'Your smart mouth will only bring more troubles to your suffering Elena but you still keep on doing the same' his hold on my neck tightened cutting off my oxygen supply, I wanted to fight but my body is too weak, still with my both hands I lightly grabbed his hand and tried to release his deadly grip but of no use because my grip doesn't held any strength.Β 

'You are....you are ch-choking me' I said in mere whispere but he heard it and said with clenched teeth.Β 

'Take it baby its you who bring it on yourself'.Β 

Black dots started dancing in front of my eyes, my grip lost hold on his hand and arms fall on my other sides, my already weak body start feeling more light and before I could close my eyes happily letting darkness to engulf me in its hold he released my neck and hairs. I coughed and hungrily gulped as much amout of air I can.Β 

'Once again I'm saying beg me Elena and I will end your suffering, thats all what you have to do'.

Β 'I refuse to beg' I said firmly in my low voice.Β 

'Then suffer' he said in his fuming steel cold tone and left me there locking the door from outside.

A tear rolled on my cheek followed by other, how am I going to escape this hell.

*********

Β 

No please, don't, don't came any closer but he kept approaching me. Leaveeee, why don't you just leave me alone. I cried.Β 

Because I know you can't run from me Elena, you can't...

Jolting, I opened my eyes. Nightmares.

My head was throbbing like hammers, body was trembling vigorously and burning like I was on fire, surely I was suffering from high fever. My stomach growled increasing my misery reminding me about my suffering.

I clenched it tightly with my hands and squeezed my eyes shut trying to block the pain of hunger. Slowly but now my resolves are breaking. I'm breaking.


Collecting my exhausted and weak body I slowly walked to the bathtub and submerged myself in water. Straightening my legs, I closed my eyes.Β 

I can't let him break me. I know that's what he is waiting for. Hunger is not my limit. I have to stay strong, my mind is with me a little but my body, it's betraying me slowly. My body started giving up now.

Β You need to stay strong El after all you will have to return back to your family.

Β Family.Β 

My small happy world and I never asked god for more. After struggling with myself all I wished is to live happily now, complete my studies and then help my parents financially then why life dragged me in this horrible nightmare. Tears slipped from my eyes.

Β I already have suffered, isn't that enough. He wants to break me because I am strong, because I fought with him for myself. I tried to show him I am not weak, I am not scared of him, I am brave but am I.Β 

AM I?

Everytime when I look in his dark eyes all I want is to run and hide somewhere from him, somewhere where even his shadow cannot reach me. I am tired of fighting, people fight with others but I fought with myself to came this far.Β 

Everybody tells me you are strong Elena, but they dont know i am broken, broken from inside. After fighting with myself, my mind, my thoughts all I was able is to put these broken pieces together. My inside is hollow, completely cracked and even a small touch can shatter it into pieces. I love my parents but left them because they were also in pain because of me, they suffered because of me. Everytime when I used to scream in night my mom started to cry when she saw me in pain, it changed but their worries for me won't.

They say hard times makes you strong, tough times teach you how to fight but they dont see the pain, the suffering, the struggle behind it which comes along it.

Sometimes doing right is not easy, even though everyone tells that you had done the right thing, you can't accept it. I also did something like this but it resulted in my suffering. I dont deserve any happiness, i am incapable of love.Β 

Whatever you do always cames back to you. There's no way you can hide and run from your deeds. You have a burden of a life on you Elena, no, almost two lifes and one is innocent from it. You can't run past it and this is how your deeds are coming to you, you have to pay for your sins.

The fear which I thought left me behind, from which I thought I escaped seems returning. Negative thoughts rushed in my head.Β 

My hands are covered in blood and this is a part of my life which I can't erase.Β 

You deserve this Elena and thats why its happening to you.

No, I don't. I already paid the price by suffering for two years after that, all the time I face that guilt and suffered for taking his life so now I don't deserve it, I don't.

My eyes snapped open and I saw myself surrounded by water. Oxygen is not coming to my lungs as they were filled with water. I started threshing maniacally when I felt myself drowning in. I kept threshing and trying to bring myself out from water but my head kept drowning, my efforts started to slow down, body get weaker and eyelids got heavy but fortunetly before I completely close my eyes my hands get their grip around the bathub and I pulled my head out. I coughed badly until the water came out of my lungs completely and strongly inhaled the air around me.Β 

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