Benign Flame: Saga of Love by BS Murthy (inspirational books for students TXT) 📕

“So,” he said.

She gave him a longing look.

“I miss you,” he said.

“I’m lost,” she said, without raising her head.

“Can I hope?” he said ardently.

Having kept quiet for long, as if lost for words, as she was about to respond, realizing that they neared Sathyam by then, as though to forewarn her, he called out to him.

In time, with the luggage secured in the coupe, as Sathyam and Sandhya were lost in their conversation, Raja Rao and Roopa lent their eyes to their love for its soulful expression. Thus, when the guard whistled, Roopa felt as though Raja Rao’s eyes whispered, ‘I love you.’

‘As his presence has set the narrative of my life in poetic prose, won’t his absence make it prosaic all again?’ Roopa thought as the Minar Express was about to move, and waving to them as the train chugged out of the station, she wondered, ‘Will I be able to make my life poetic in his passion? Am I destined for him?’

Chapter 20

Blueprint in the Offing

Unmindful of the sentimental ways of its passengers, as the Minar Express kept its westward course, reclining in a first class coupe, Raja Rao reminisced over that incomplete encounter with Roopa.

‘Had I not withdrawn from her what would she have said at our parting?’ he began to speculate, ‘Could she have said ‘yes’? Well, she might not have been so forthright, but surely she would’ve said something to break the ice. But then, haven’t we already conveyed our mutual craving in revealing ways? What remained was just affixing the ‘I Love You’ stamp to the cover of our mutual attraction. Maybe we would’ve done that if only we were slower by a step or two, but still, isn’t it clear to both of us that we love each other? No denying that and my life may not be worth living without possessing Roopa, in spite of having Sandhya.’

Then turning his attention to Sandhya, he found her lost in her own thoughts.

‘Immersed in her own emotions, she failed to see my flirtations with her friend, so it seems,’ he thought to his relief. ‘In the euphoria of her excitement, our unmistakable attraction seems to have appealed to her as an extension of her own affection for both of us. What a happy nature it is, a blessed soul, really.’

“Are you upset?” he said at length.

“You know how I miss her,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Maybe, you needn’t for long,” he said taking her hand.

“I hope so,” she said looking at him as though for a reassurance.

“You may begin the countdown,” he said pressing her hand.

“Why not reduce the count to five?” she said kissing his hand.

“Maybe with Roopa’s impetus,” he said smilingly.

“That’s lovely put,” she said.

 “By the way, is Sathyam her relative of sorts before their marriage?” he said.

“No, but why that question?” she said, even though she understood his intent.

“Frankly speaking, she deserves a better match than that. So I felt she could’ve been married off to him to keep her within the family. It’s a pity that many tend to slight a bright match for an ungainly family alliance,” he said ruefully.

“Generally I don’t blah-blah others’ affairs but as I feel you’re as much my friend as husband, I think you should know about her affairs as she is one of us,” she said moved by the moment.

“You can trust me as a friend more than as a husband for as a friend, you would find me frank in discussion, but as husband, I might be selective in disclosing. I believe thoughtless openness hurts more than it helps relationships,” he said with an eye on a probable future scenario.

“I appreciate that,” she said, turning thoughtful herself.

“It’s not frankness alone that brings a couple closer but its mutual respect that gives rise to their togetherness,” he said fondling her hand.

“With Roopa and me, the feelings of friendship fuse with the emotions of affection,” she said, as her face brightened.

“I suppose, that’s possible only in friendship between women. Though I am happy for you, I am worried about her,” he said gravely.

“Why it is so?” she said, puzzled.

“It’s apparent that theirs is an intellectual mismatch, and given her faculties, she could be a mightily bored housewife by now,” he began assessing Roopa’s marital condition. “So to say, she could be on the thin edge of married ice, a fall from which would be hurtful, though life itself could be laborious. Sooner or later, it’s possible that her life may lead her into a liaison for it’s the first resort of a distraught woman.”

“You’re only half-right,” she said. “Whatever it was, she wasn’t enthused about him from the very beginning, though later on, she moulded herself into a dutiful wife. But about the temptations and all, though it may be true otherwise, she is no run-of-the-mill for that.”

“Left to her, what you say may be true,” he said concernedly. “But do realize that she doesn’t live in an ivory tower anyway. Any novice can sense the void in her wedded life, which would make him think in terms of conquest and his attempts to woo her insensibly disturb her moral equilibrium to push her into his arms for solace. What’s worse, his desertion that is a corollary to seduction could dent her self-worth to her detriment. It’s not the moral aspect liaison that bothers me for it’s her private affair, but it’s the possible fallout of that which should alarm us.”

“Oh, you scare me really,” she said clutching at his hand.

“By their very nature, affairs tend to be short-lived, often brought to a premature end by the paramours, and strangely though, yet it won’t be the case of ‘once bitten twice shy’ with the deprived women. Bitten by the novelty bug, the ditched one could itch for a new one to supplant the lost one. Thus, having got addicted to the illicit thrills, on the sly, she could jump from one bed to another with gay abandon, and God forbid, if her life were to follow this pattern, then she could end up depraved in the end,” he said sounding pensive,

“Worried though, I don’t think she would ever come to that,” she said, and tried to believe what she said.  

“It’s a pity that she has to suffer all the more for her sense of decency,” he said himself feeling the pain. “A life of despair, in spite of her disposition, would expose her to the seducers, and the strain of resisting their advances could sap her resolve at some stage. Added to that is the burden of having had to remain a dutiful wife, and you could figure out the stresses and strains on her sensitive soul, all of which might combine to make her vulnerable to the male advances. It’s thus; the boasts of men about their conquests would seem hollow for it’s the vulnerability of women that fetches them their favours. That way, if she were to succumb in her moment of weakness, then she would suffer even more for having failed to desist from it.”

“Oh, God, but what can be done?” she sounded helpless.

“I don’t think her problem lends itself to a clear-cut solution, but surely, her destiny would have its own agenda for her life that we will see as it unfolds,” he said thoughtfully.

Seeing her readily lost in contemplation, he thought over the matter,

‘Why my speculation has upset her. But isn’t the possibility of Roopa’s failing for real? Surely somebody is bound to lurk in the street corner to barge into her home to bring about that. But won’t I like to be proved wrong?’

‘Why didn’t it occur to me when I was with her?’ he thought as such a prospect pained him no end. ‘How my fascination for her overshadowed my faculties! Oh, how she could drive men into distraction! Isn’t she likely to attract many? If only her favoured man happens to be a genuine lover, then that liaison would be a blessing in disguise for her. I could be the one, but would her fate make her wait for me? What with the passage of time, won’t her enamour for me wane paling her passion? Why wouldn’t someone with the right opportunity replace me in her heart? That too as her affection for me hasn’t crossed the threshold of infatuation, had it?’

As the possibility of losing Roopa unnerved him, be began to think,

‘Were she to come across the right man, she’s likely to be steady with him. Left in the lurch then, won’t I languish for her all my life? As for her, for physicality tends to shape the course of affairs, won’t she miss the essence of love in the dictates of passion? Even if she comes into my life eventually, wouldn’t have the purity of our love got polluted by then?’

‘What about my own love for her?’ he began to question himself. ‘No denying, it’s lustful to the core. Am I not dying to possess her? But then, my all-consuming passion stems from a deep-rooted affection for her, isn’t it? Can’t I perceive the purity of my feelings in the depths of my soul? Surely, my craving for her is not merely confined to possessing her, fabulous though she is. Why, am I not aiming to bring about the fusion of our souls through our emotional integration? How fulfilled would I be, if only I could fill the void in her heart, once and for all. For all I know, her feelings for me are no different. Haven’t I seen the longing of her soul in her gaze, even as I felt the craving of her love in her touch? What else I can do than pray that she develops the patience to wait for the fruition of our love without becoming a prey of seduction.’

‘Why did I fail to declare my love to her?’ he thought as he went on recalling their nascent romance. ‘But then, haven’t my eyes spoken volumes about my craving for her, so have hers, haven’t they? Couldn’t she have grasped my emotions from my innuendoes? True, she can’t be expected to take all that as the testimony of my devotion to her. Had I been forthright in declaring my love to her, possibly that would have helped her persevere with her fascination for me. But then, by being rash, I could’ve offended her sensitivity in the formative state of her affection for me.’

‘Why not I write to her,’ he thought, as a way out of the predicament. ‘But then, isn’t it risky without knowing her sensibilities? Besides compromising myself, I might create misgivings in her mind as well. What if she shows it to Sathyam, and worse, to Sandhya?         Why court disaster?’

Dampened by that thought, as his spirit changed tack, he began to reason,

‘Is all this merely a flight of my hyper imagination? Who knows, being overstrung myself, I’m going crazy in my head? Clearly she has a crush on me but is that enough for her to plunge into my arms? Whatever, I should try my luck with this remarkable woman.’  

In spite of Roopa’s possible indifference towards him, the feeling that, after all, she may not be in danger, as feared, eased his mind. But seeing Sandhya still uneasy, he thought, ‘Haven’t I scared her unwittingly? The poor thing loves that lovely one so dearly. Won’t that make it easier for her to reconcile to our affair, if it ever comes to that?’

Sandhya, meanwhile, tried to comprehend the situation with apprehension. ‘When it’s so distressing imagining her fall, if ever it comes to that, how horrible that could be?’ she began to think. ‘Could Roopa ever go astray? Generally speaking, what he said could be true, but isn’t she all too different? Why