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over the place. I think high school has to be a farce. People just decided to stick people there just for the heck of it because honestly, damn it Vicki, I don't feel like I'm Eighteen. I feel like I'm fucking twenty five. All the cards I've been dealt have aged me to a point where I just can't see high school from a kids eyes anymore. I feel like I'm grown now.”

Victoria cleared her throat. β€œSo, what does that mean to you?”

Denise shrugged, β€œIt means I have to figure out my own problems now because what I used to do and how I used to respond isn't going to cut it. Jordan's mad at me for wanting to go away to school instead of staying here with him, when he doesn't realize that I've got my own goals as well. How does he think it will feel having me stay here when I've had my heart set on going to NYU since I was in middle school?”

Victoria heard her phone vibrate in her purse. Grabbing for it, she got up and said, β€œI think you need to talk to mom about this, this is something she'd definitely be willing to help you with.”

Denise looked up at her and saw with clarity that Vicki was still a child and therefore could not by any means help her with her situation. The most she ever thought about was boys, shopping and hanging out with Candice. Denise sighed and wondered for the first time in her life if all of her attempts to be more mature than everyone else had somehow landed her in the mess that she was in now. She'd wanted to stick out so bad that she'd adapted the persona of a young woman with maturity, when in reality, she was only beginning to cross the thresh hold into that zone. She wandered if that's what had attracted Jordan to her. The sense that she acted older and thought of herself as beyond trivial when compared to the other students. It was then that it dawned on her that even at a young age, Jordan had exhibited the level of maturity she could only dream of. She'd sensed that he wasn't like other guys his age. There were things that guys their age did that he didn't do, like most guys their age tried to sleep with as many girls as they could especially the jocks. They also had an air about them that said the world was theirs for the taking. He didn't. He was very grounded and stable. They also didn't think beyond curfews, football, basketball, parties, and what was for dinner. He wasn't like that. He was planning for life.

Giving off a giggle, she realized that no, Jordan wasn't a boy. She hadn't fallen for a boy, she'd fallen for a man in a teenage boy's body, and he too had caused a significant change in her. This caused her heart to drop significantly in her chest. Her next question was, how did she respond to him as a woman and not as a girl?



Chapter Forty Nine

April: two weeks later

April, 12, 2000

 

 

Denise slipped her book into her bag and put it inside her locker. She closed the door and jumped in surprise to see Amerie standing there, smiling. Today she wore a pair of blue eye glasses, a white short-sleeved shirt over a blue long sleeved shirt. A pair of pencil legged blue jeans along with ocean blue keds. Denise noticed that during the spring time, she only wore keds.

"Amerie, girl, if you keep doing that I'm going to end up with a heart attack."

"Sorry, De. I just wanted to ask who you were going to the prom with?"

Denise stepped back, "I'm not into girls, Amerie."

Amerie giggled, "That's funny. I just thought since you weren't going out with Jordan, that maybe you could go with my cousin, Adare."

"Adare?" Denise wrinkled her eye brows. She didn't want to go with anyone if it wasn't Jordan.

β€β€œYes, Adare Longfort." Amerie pushed her glasses back up on her nose.

"I don't think I'll be going to the prom, Amerie. Thank-you, but no thanks."

"Adare Longfort is a very handsome guy, Denise."

"I'm sure he is, but I'm not interested."

"You think you're not. I'm going to bring him by today." Amerie smiled.

β€β€œNo. You're going to keep Adare where he is. I don't want to hurt his feelings, Amerie."

"We'll be at your place about six thirty." Amerie stated, her tone happy.

"No." Denise shook her head firmly. β€œI told you I'm not going if Jordan isn't going with me.”

Amerie sighed, Sometimes Denise could be a drab. It was almost like she couldn't do anything without Jordan being with her. You'd think they were married the way Denise acted. She glanced up at her friend. "I know you and Jordan went out for two years and now it's all gone, but believe me, there's nothing like a good brother to get you where you need to be."

"Amerie." Denise hissed. "I am not interested."

β€œDamn it Denise! Why in the hell do you act like you are married to Jordan? You guys are in high school for crying out loud. He hasn't spoken to you in three weeks and not only that but you're starting to become a drag. Don't you know how to just chill anymore? Every conversation we have you bring him up in it. Every other word out of your mouth has to do with him. He's gone girl. He doesn't want to be with you because if he did, he would be here. I understand that you loved him but....”

At this point, Denise slammed her locker shut and crossed her arms over her chest, β€œNo, you don't understand Amerie. You can't possibly begin to understand what it is like to have the guy you love with every fiber of your being not talk to you. You can't possibly understand what it's like to have to choose between college here and college in a place that you've always wanted to go.” Denise walked up to Amerie and stood in front of her and said, β€œYou can't possibly understand how it feels to feel as if everything you do from here on out is really not that important. I don't give a fuck about the prom to be honest with you. The prom is just another preening contest among guys and girls to show off in stupid dresses pretending that life doesn't exist outside these damn walls. Well, you know what honey, ten years from now, it's not going to matter if you went to a damn prom. It's not going to matter who was the biggest guy or girl on campus. Ten years from now high school is not even going to be anything but a bunch of memories, so excuse me if I feel like Jordan is more important than what the hell goes on in the life of the students at this school.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she spoke. She'd been holding in her feelings for a while now and needed to get them out. β€œI know that we are only eighteen years old Amerie, I understand that, but ten years from now, of all the things I think about, the only thing worth remembering about this place will be that I met a guy, fell in love and it didn't last. That's the only thing that will matter. Not some stupid prom, unless he and I go together.” She was now swiping at the tears hard. β€œSo, now, if you think that its dumb of me to act like I'm in love and that I don't have a lot of time to figure out what I'm going to do. So what! I don't care. I'm still going to have these issues whether you care or not. If you can't give me some type of support or back bone then get the hell out of my way. Stay away from me.” With that, she walked away from an astonished Amerie, leaving her and all who was watching starring after her.

Jordan stared up at the pub, the bright green lights blinking in the dusk of night. He could really use a drink at this moment. He really could. The problem was, he was only eighteen. Old enough to get into the pub but not old enough to get a drink. His mother's health was ailing and he saw it getting worse with each passing day. He needed something to cope. It was driving him insane. Ironically enough, he'd become a recluse within the six weeks he and Denise had broken up. He'd just let himself go. He still showed up to class, barely got the homework in, but managed to pass every single quiz given. That was how he was passing. Between weekly quizzes and in class assignments. He didn't have the time to do homework assignments. Sighing, he walked past the pub. He walked to his car, got in and put on his seat belt. He needed to do something, anything to escape the inevitable. His mother was going to die.

Unexpectedly, Amerie showed up at Denise's door around six thirty that night, with an apology for Denise. Denise allowed the young girl in. β€œHi.” Amerie stated.

β€œHi.” Denise answered back, going to the couch to sit down.

Amerie went to sit in a recliner that was facing the couch. Looking down at the floor, she said, β€œI'm sorry De. You are right, I shouldn't have said what I said about you and Jordan...” Denise interrupted her, β€œWill you look at me please?”

Amerie glanced up and looked into inquiring eyes. β€œI should have tried to come up with a solution if it was bothering you that bad but honestly, I didn't think it would go this far.”

Denise shrugged, β€œYou think I'm some lost teenager, pining over unrequited love, right?”

Amerie exhaled, β€œI didn't say that.”

β€œYou didn't have to. It was spoken in all of your attempts to get my mind off Jordan but as you can see none of them worked, because it doesn't change the fact that I love him still.” She said this with such calmness, that it startled Amerie. β€œI just didn't want you to be too bogged down by the pressures of your relationship with him ok.”

Denise laughed sarcastically, β€œFalling in love is not something that you can just erase at the drop of a dime. It's something that you can't take back Amerie. When you fall in love it's something that embeds itself into every fiber of your being.”

Amerie smiled, β€œIt sounds romantic.”

Denise snorted, β€œThe romance only last for a short time while you're falling, and then once you've fallen, that's when the real trials begin. Because it's then you have to decide what you are going to do about this new found knowledge. If I'd known moving here was going to drastically alter my life and my personality, I think I would have begged harder for my parents to stay in New York.”

Amerie sighed, β€œAll of the dramatics over a boy.”

Denise snapped her head up and corrected her friend, β€œNot a boy Amerie, a man. He's like a grown man trapped in a teenager's body.”

Amerie found this bit of information frightening. β€œWhat do you mean?”

Denise raised a brow and shrugged her shoulders. β€œJordan is a man, Amerie. No boy can go through what he's manage to go through and still remain a boy. Maturity has to take

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