Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (motivational novels txt) 📕

“Where are you taking this? you’re not making any sense.” for the first time in twenty minutes I took a step towards him and touched his shoulder which would have been tagged as the worst decision of the century, “listen to me...”

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” he said slowly and clearly, pushing me ever so slightly, but since it was unexpected and uncalled for-- I lost my balance and fell hard on my back, my palm landing directly over the pieces of broken glass.

I stared at my palm that had a piece of glass sticking out of my skin; the long gash oozed deep red blood.

“NO.NO.NO.NO.” Rowan came right beside me, pulling at my arm. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

One look at my injured palm and he was on the brink of tears. The demon that had possessed him just a while ago began to subside. With delicate hands, the one’s that had shoved me a minute ago, slowly plucked the glass piece from my skin and chucked it aside.

The blood continued to ooze. Rowan continued to stare at my palm in mock horror.

 A warm tear grazed my palm, merging with the blood.

His tears. My blood.

Rowan got up immediately and disappeared into another room, after a minute he reappeared with a Jug of water and a first aid box. He cleaned my cut, and started applying some medicine with cotton, the gash burned, but not more than how much my heart did. I yelped, “Ouch.”

He pulled back his arm at once, all his anger, fury and the venom had disappeared into thin air. He never spoke again; we were once more channeled to the Mute Tv though hishands worked as he applied a large band aid to my cut. The silence wasn’t a bother anymore, I was starting to become accustomed to his silent treatment and the mood swings but somehow the silence seemed even more dreadful. I’d rather see the yelling and shouting Rowan, because the Shouty-Rowan unleashed all his emotions and I knew exactly what went in his head. While I stayed on the floor, he cleaned the mess. Picked every single piece of glass, and even moped the blood on the floor. When all was done, he quietly took over the side beside me.

The silence stretched on, it was becoming unbearable after a while, I decided to break the silence, “Talk to me, Rowan.”

He didn’t. He just kept staring into space. I had the feeling I was dealing with a child who needed convincing to start talking.

“Rowan...”

“I don’t deserve you.” His voice was dead-pan.

There it was, the self-loathing again. The ‘I’m the villain of your story’ line.

“I do this ALL THE TIME.” he held my band-aid hand in his, stroking it softly, “and yet I ask for forgiveness which I clearly don’t deserve after what I did to you.”

“It isn’t your fault.”

“It is, Alana.” His fists were balled into tight fists, “I don’t know what gets me, I’m aware that you love me, so much that you would never cheat, or rather even look at some other guy. But, no matter how much I understand the situation, the moment I see you with someone else..my world starts falling apart. I have these crazy insecurities that maybe you would choose that younger guy over me.”

It totally qualified as an OH MY GOD moment, because clearly I misunderstood him as a deranged, man-handling boyfriend. This guy was spouting some other worldly story.

“You’re so pretty, so smart..” when a person compliments, one does not interrupt, “you could get anybody you wanted...”

“But I want you...” I said.

“I know baby, I do.” he seemed so much better now, he was the Rowan I knew. The one I’d fallen in love with. “But, this demon that possesses me, tells me all the wrong things. Forces me to see and believe what’s wrong. I don’t want to lose you. I used to be so much worse before, but I’m working on it.”

Worse than this? What would that be?Terrorizing with an AK-47?

So maybe I knew the reason why his ex-girlfriend left.

“You look so beautiful today; and when I saw Rio with you, my blood began to boil. I’m not that guy; the anger gets the better of me. I drank a lot before I came to get you from the club, I shouldn’t have. But, I can’t control my addictions. They have become a part of me, I want to let go, baby, I want to change for you so..can you please forgive me this once?” he pleaded with those irresistible I-want-the-red-lollipop eyes, “I just need one chance, Alana.”

Unable to resist myself, I cupped his face in my palms, the cut started to sting, though I still let it sit, went up on my knees and kissed him full on the lips. He pulled me into his lap, careful to hold my injured palm in a feather light touch.  My back touched his chest as he caught a strand of my hair and let it sit behind my ear and kissed the hollow of my neck sending a wave of static electricity through me, then he raised my injured palm to his mouth and kissed each finger. “I will not let you down this time. I promise.”

And I believed him again.

“Just don’t wander around late at night. You may never know which monster prowls around. Granted, I could be the King of those Monsters but…”

“Don’t call yourself that.”

He stared at me for a few seconds, a smile kicked in. “You’re very young, Alana, and beautiful. There are a lot of bad people out there, please don’t make me worry next time.” He kissed my forehead.

I felt preschool all over again.

                                                                      ******

It was the second time I reached my dorm, in no position for any more drama. I fell into the soft heavens which were cushions and buried my face deep into it. The time read 1:00 in the morning; I still had a few things on my mind. I grabbed for my cellphone and dialed Rowan’s sister. It was too late, but dammit she owed me this call. It rang once, twice, maybe she was on duty, considering the possibility she was working her ass off. She answered on the last ring, “Hello.”