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no right to tell him he couldn’t go sees him. I jerked my arm away but he had my arm to tight. I gave up and let him drag me to the truck. He finally let go after he opened my door for me I got in and went to put on my seatbelt when I remembered his truck didn’t have any.

 

Great if he crashed, we were dead and Bentley would lose both his parents, great job Dakotah, I thought as He floored it. I put my hands out on the dashboard stopping myself from diving face first into it.

 

“Damnit Dakotah, be careful or we’ll be dead by the time we get there”

 

“Gee I‘m sorry I’m worried about our son, the one I’ve missed out on sense he was born” he snapped speeding down the dirt road. I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying something I’d regret.

 

“And you think killing us will do any good” I asked sarcastically as he pulled on to my grandpas road. “Just don’t stop we don’t have time Dakotah” I snapped hitting the dashboard then pointing at the sky.

 

“Where not going to end up there for two days Faith, were gonna have to get a hotel anyways-“

 

“How do you know that” I asked confused. I never told him where I went when I left, and I haven’t got the chance to tell him sense I’ve been home. I stared at him as he drove down the street, after a couple minutes of him not answering I started to get angry. “How in the hell do you know that Dakotah.”

 

“Lucky guess” he mumbles turning onto the freeway ramp. I rolled my eyes and tried not to go off on him. How the hell did we get here? We used to be inseparable talking about the life we would have the kids we’d raise, we use to be in love, and now we can’t be within ten feet of each other without wanting to kill each other. I laid my head back and closed my eyes, five minutes down, two days to go.

 

I thought about the days in front of us, I knew we’d have to talk eventually but I was afraid that instead of it fixing stuff it would tear us apart for good. I felt my eyes sting and asked myself why I was such a freaking baby, all I’ve done for the past year and a half was mope around and cry.

 

 

 ****

 

 

 

My eyelids were still heavy, but I was just happy I got at least an hour or two of sleep. Two hours of escaping my sucky life, I wish I could have slept longer but usually when im under a lot of stress I couldn’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a time.  I opened my eyes and noticed we weren’t moving I look down and saw Dakotah, his head on my legs. My heart fluttered as I watched him sleep. He was so handsome.

 

“Why’d I ever leave you” I whispered running my hand through his hair, he was a heavy sleeper and I was thankful right now for that. He’s so angry and hurt that he was pushing me away and putting his guard up. “I was so stupid for leaving you, I wish I could go back and change it” I continued even though I knew he wasn’t listening. If he was listening right now I probably wouldn’t be able to tell him this, see the pain on his face. It broke my heart knowing I was the reason. I missed being the reason he smiled, not the reason he shut down.

 

I felt Dakotah shift and decided to pretend like I was asleep, it would be easier for the both of us if we just pretended like the other wasn’t there, and I know it wouldn’t last forever but for now, it was easier we were still both hurt. He rubbed his eyes, moaning like he always did when he first woke up.

 

Even with my eyes closed I knew exactly what he was doing, when your with someone that long you become a part of them, like it or not Dakotah was still part of me even after all this time, just like I was a part of him.

 

“Faith” he mumbled moving his hand up my leg making me shiver, it surprised me that even after all this time apart he could still affect me like this. I slowly opened my eyes pretending I was asleep and looked at Dakotah; he sat there staring at me, his expression showing nothing.

 

“Mhmm”

 

“Never mind” he said sitting up, putting his seatbelt on and starting the truck within seconds. Anger surged through me as I once again was reminded of everything I screwed up by leaving. Without saying anything I put my seatbelt on and stared out my window. I couldn’t do this anymore, sit here everything unsaid hoping he’d just decide to forgive me out of the blue. Truth was we were both hurt and neither of us have stopped being hurt, I needed to talk to him, if he loved me like he always told me he did, as much as I loved him, he’d forgive me even if it wasn’t right away, I have to try.

 

 

 ****

 

 

 

The sun was setting and I have yet to talk to him, ever sense this morning I kept waiting for the right time, but now thinking about it there is no right time, it was going to hurt like hell probably even more then when I left and there’s no right time for something like that, but it needed to happen. I need Dakotah back, now more than ever. I can’t stand the thought of him hating me and I knew I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t try and get him back.

 

I watched him as he drove down the highway, I could tell he was thinking. I wish I knew what about. He stiffened and I knew I was caught staring.

 

“Dakotah” I whispered.

 

“Faith” he whispered back like old times making me smile.

 

“I never meant to hurt you” I said. He gulped but didn’t say anything back so I continued. ” I thought you’d hate me later in life if I-“

 

“don’t say trapped, don’t you dare say trapped, I would have stayed for the simple fact I loved you more than life and I wouldn’t mind coming home to you and our kids for the rest of my life, not because I had to”

 

“I was scare-“

 

“ imagine how I felt when I found out my girlfriend disappeared and without any explanation you know how much that killed me, I wouldn’t leave your grandpa’s house for weeks because I thought you’d-“

 

“I’m sorry” I said as a tear rolled down my cheek. “I’m so sorry-“

 

“Sorry doesn’t change anything Faith, you leaving did, and you left me heartbroken. I wasn’t the guy who stayed faithful to one girl until I met you, then you just break my heart like I meant absolutely fucking nothing to you!” he snapped pulling off to the side of the road. I swallowed back the tears. “I drove all the way to Oregon to find you”

 

“What?” I asked surprised. Then the realization hit me that’s how he knew how long it would take. He wasn’t lying.

 

“Willy told me, six months after you left he got tired of me mopping around and he told me”

 

“You knew I was pregnant?” I asked anger consuming me. He nodded his head, not bothering to look at me.

 

“You knew I was pregnant with your baby!”

 

“I thought it wasn-“

 

“He, the baby is a he and yes he was your son, I never slept with anyone besides you in my life, even after I left, I never even looked at other guys like that” I screamed shoving my door open and jumping out. I slammed it and started walking down the highway.

 

“Fay! Stop”

 

“Don’t fucking call me that” I screamed spinning around so I was watching him. “All this time I was so guilty and mad that I wanted to kill myself because I left, when you knew I was pregnant and you left me without a word. I guess you didn’t love me after all I was stupid for coming back” I yelled turning back around d, continuing to walk.

 

“I loved you I still do” he yelled grabbing my arm. I jerked my arm away.

 

“Go home Dakotah, I’ll find a ride, just go home” I snapped. I saw the hurt and shame in his eyes, tearing my heart, but the fact he knew I was pregnant and he assumed I cheated tore my hurt twice as bad. He opened his mouth to say something.

 

“No!” I snapped walking away as fast as I could. All this time I was hurt knowing I left him without knowing, without giving him the chance to be a part of our sons life, when all this time he knew I was pregnant. It made sense why he hated me now, because he thought I cheated, but at this moment I was sure I hated him more than anyone could ever hate someone. I despised him, I wanted to punch him.

 

“Faith Elizabeth-“

 

“Don’t you ever fucking call me that” I spat turning around and walking back towards where he was standing. “I told you I would never cheat on-“

 

“You also promised you’d never leave and you did.” He said as his eyes became glassy. I felt a sharp pain in my chest like someone was cutting at me.

 

“I had a reason to leave, I did it for you. What guy want to be a teen dad and I asked you before I left hoping you’d tell me you did. I left because I had to or I wouldn’t have leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did” I yell. Before I even think about what I was doing I ball up my fist punching him. Sharp pains immediately follow making me shriek in pain. I bend over and grab my wrist in pain. I hear Dakotah swear but it was too much of a whisper to really hear what he said. Within seconds I feel him pick me up off the ground. I continuing holding my wrist as he walks back to the truck. It took everything in my power not to fall apart and start crying. The only thing holding the tears back was Dakotah, the fourteen months we spent apart changed both of us, and I didn’t know this Dakotah. He might as well have been a stranger.

 

It definitely wasn’t Bentley’s dad, or the guy I fell so hard for.  I let him put me back in the passenger seat of the truck and buckle my seatbelt. When his hand brushed my hip there was no heat like there used to be. No butterflies in my stomach or toe curling I always did when he was touching me. My heart drops into the pit of my stomach and I feel a tear slide down my chick. I go to wipe it so Dakotah wouldn’t see it when the pain shoots back up into my arm making me scream out in pain.

 

I close my eyes. I listen as Dakotah starts the truck yet again and rev’s the engine before speeding off. He doesn’t say anything at all the only noise was the sound of cars speeding by. As bad as I didn’t want him to talk to me or be by me. The silence and not being able to concentrate on something made the pain seem twice as bad.

 

I focused on counting cars, and then attempted to close my eyes and count freaking sheep. Then I tried to do the sign game my family always did on long car rides. Go through the Alphabet using the signs, When that didn’t work I gave up and turned to Dakotah.

 

I’m guessing he saw me turn out of my proufrial vision, because he turned to me. He had tear

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