When We Let Go by Delancey Stewart (read with me .txt) đź“•
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- Author: Delancey Stewart
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I came once just like that, the friction and suggestion of something illicit spiking me over the edge. Connor held me and gasped into my ear as I climaxed, the noises I couldn’t repress clearly ratcheting up his desire.
“Fuck,” he breathed as his thrusts became more aggressive. “Fuck that was hot,” he said. Moments later, I felt him tightening against me, and I would never have thought it was possible, but as he came, my body responded in kind, shattering into a thousand shards as we reached the edge together.
Jack would happily tell people that I wasn’t orgasmic at all. He actually believed that some women couldn’t achieve it. But I had always known that I was not one of those women. Though Jack and I had many things together in the early days…great sex was never one of them. For some reason, I thought it was great for him, and that maybe that was enough. But as Connor ground out my name as he released into me, and as my body responded in kind, I knew that really satisfying sex was only so if both parties were equally involved. And I’d never been that involved with Jack.
Connor relaxed, letting himself rest to one side of me, half of him still laying across my bare body. His breathing gradually slowed, and I listened to it as I stared out at the sky cluttered with stars, the moon shining off to one side and creating dark looming shadows out of the ancient trees that watched over us.
“I never expected to see you again,” Connor said, his voice a whisper. “It makes me almost believe in fate.”
I didn’t answer him, but thought about that. Was Connor supposed to save me? In ways beyond the literal act of pulling me from the river? I certainly felt saved in that moment as he lay next to me out in the deepening chill of night. But being sexually sated and being saved were really two different things, and I did understand that now, though I might have felt differently, were I ten years younger.
He kissed me gently and we lay there until I was sure he had fallen asleep. But then his voice sifted to me through the darkness. “Maddie, let me save you one more time. Let me help you with the house.”
I knew that saving me financially had much more insidious ramifications than pulling me out of a river. “I’m not sure I need saving in that way, Connor,” I said, nestling back into his arms.
My phone rang early the next morning, pulling me from Connor’s embrace to find my jeans, where I’d left the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hi. Is this Maddie Turner?”
“It is.” I’d learned to be suspicious after Jack and I had separated and his lawyer had called asking me all kinds of questions.
“Do you do weddings?”
“What do you…” I was waking up slowly, and suddenly realized that this was a call about a potential photography gig. “Yes, absolutely!”
“My fiancé and I are getting married up in Kings Grove in September. The 14th. I know it’s really short notice. Are you booked?”
This woman clearly had no idea I was just getting my business off the ground. That said, I did have a pretty good wedding portfolio from my time in San Diego. “I’m not, actually.”
“Oh thank goodness! And what’s your rate for eight hours?”
At one time, it was quite high. I wondered what I could get away with. The student loans I was going to have to start paying would be about five hundred a month. “One thousand?”
The woman on the other end squeaked and I wasn’t sure if I’d talked myself out of a job. “That’s so reasonable!” she squealed.
I suddenly wished I’d been more unreasonable. “Oh, good.”
“When can we meet to sign contracts?” She wasn’t messing around.
“Any time, really. Will you come up here?”
“I’ll be up next week to talk to the caterer anyway. Can we get together then?”
I gave her directions to the diner and hoped Adele would be okay with me meeting a client during my shift. I’d tell her she didn’t have to pay me for the time we talked.
I hung up feeling more optimistic than I had in months.
“What was that?” Connor’s sleepy voice came from the pillows as strong hands pulled my shoulders backwards into bed again.
“That,” I said. “Was me getting ready to save myself.”
Connor began to ask what I meant, but he didn’t get the chance to finish. Getting a glimpse of financial independence turned out to be a huge turn on.
I met with the girl, Sarah Jasper, about her wedding plans the following week. Her caterer, as it turned out, was the diner where I worked.
“We didn’t always live up here, you know,” Frank told me when I asked him about it after meeting with the bride. “We used to run a fancy little cafe and catering business down in the valley.” It seemed Frank and Adele had bigger dreams, too. “We moved up here for the cleaner air and a fresh start. Adele has lots of allergies and the haze in the valley wasn’t good for her. She feels better up here.”
If this was Adele feeling well, I couldn’t imagine what she was like when she was sick.
The wedding plans were set for less than a month out, and I got the job. On the previous weddings I’d worked, I’d had a couple of assistants—one with a second camera, and one with an assortment of lenses at the ready. I’d have to change up my strategy to do it solo, but I wasn’t too worried. This bride, unlike so many I’d met, seemed happy with everything I proposed and was actually more focused on the concept of marrying the man she loved than she was on the niggly little details. It was refreshing.
I went back to the trailer that night full of hope for the future. It was late, since I had stopped through the library to edit some of the photos I’d taken in the last few weeks. I was surprised by the shots I had of Cam and Jess. It’d been clear that they loved each other when I’d met them—she made my brother a different man, but there was something in the pictures that had brought me close to tears as I’d sorted through them. There was a palpable sense of love between them, and the knowledge that their time was short was evident in every frame. Something in the way they looked at one another, the way they leaned in close. I added some filters, and knew I needed to print them. I decided I’d do it in black and white—there was enough vibrant feeling in the simple love that surrounded them in each shot that they needed no competition from actual colors. It made my heart ache to think that he would lose her.
I drove through the village feeling better than I had in months, despite my sadness over Jess. It wasn’t that all my problems were solved—not at all. I still had bills I didn’t know how to pay and a house I couldn’t finish building. I had a brother about to lose the love of his life and the man I’d been married to was never going to give me the money he owed me. Oh, and he’d stolen a photo I’d taken and used it to malign my…my what? My boyfriend? Besides that, my father thought he was on a perpetual cruise and I was always in grad school in his mind. And while all of that difficult stuff was true, and it was a heavy load to bear, every one of my negatives now came with a “but”—something I could add to the statement that made it not quite so bad.
I topped the small rise where my trailer sat, and my heart beat a little faster to see the lights blazing in the trailer windows and Connor’s car parked out front. I opened the door to find music playing and Connor wearing an apron at the stove top. I’d told him the night before he was welcome any time he wanted to pop by, and here he was. My heart swelled inside my chest.
“What is this?” I laughed, walking into the open circle of his arms. He looked positively gleeful as he lifted a wooden spoon in greeting.
“I’m making a cake, with chocolate ganache.” He hugged me tight and then released me, turning back to the pot on the stove.
“You’re full of surprises,” I said. “Is it my birthday?”
He turned to me, eyes serious. “Oh God, it’s not, is it?”
“No, silly. Don’t worry, I’ll advertise for weeks before my birthday. I’d never risk anyone missing the chance to celebrate it.”
His face relaxed.
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