Less than Perfect by S. J. Evans (love letters to the dead txt) 📕

, she supposed, biting her lip. In one way, she hoped that that was the case, she didn’t have to let go like that; but all the same, she wanted the closure she could have from a final goodbye. She needed to say goodbye and let go.
“Three days,” said Rachel, a little too softly, like she was holding back pain of the thought. “Your mom came home, and she’s been worrying about you most of the time, waiting beside your bed through the nights. We—Johnny and I—finally convinced her to go get some sleep though. That’s where she is right now, sleeping.” She hugged her friend tighter. “I’m so glad you’re awake and alright,” she whispered.
Skye held on, deciding she needed the support of her closest friend. Rachel was with her, she knew about Johnny, nothing was going to go wrong anymore. But maybe that was only a wish, she figured. “I can’t believe she’s been waiting up with me,” she breathed, a pang of guilt swallowing up her stomach. “How am I fine though? I mean, have I even had anything to eat?” She asked, bewildered.
Rachel slowly pulled away, looking into her friends eyes carefully. Her face, Skye noticed, looked extremely pale compared to the tan contrast she usually bore in the summertime. She looked ill it seemed. Her chapped lips parted and let out warm air, a sigh. “You managed to eat something yesterday while you were out of it,” she explained. “I’m not surprised that you don’t remember; it was like you were barely there when it happened. Seeing you like that…” She took a sudden quivering breath, “it was hard. We were all worried about you; we thought we might lose you.” She choked, sobs quivering out of her mouth. “I’m just so glad you’re alright!” she cried, falling into a clumsy embrace.
Skye caught her friend, hugging her back. She felt the pain, pounding in her heart, as she sensed Rachel’s worry, tearing at her own feelings. Once again, someone worried for her, and she wished she didn’t. “It’s okay, Rachel. I’m here now, I’m alright, and that’s all that matters.” She spoke softly, soothing Rachel. Her eyes watered but refused to produce a river; she was done with tears for a while.
But Bryan came to her mind again, and the tears stung in her eyes. She closed her eyes, squeezing until the image of his face was gone. She’d seen him when he was scared, the moments when he was trying so hard to protect her the night before, and she realized how much he really had loved her. She saw how he really couldn’t lose her. But he did lose her, and she lost him; they lost each other.
Blinking away her tears, she heard Rachel sniffle and shake a little. She felt warm tears splash down her cheeks and grimaced. She didn’t want to cry or express her pain; she wanted it to go away. Though she knew it was unlikely to happen, the only thing she really wanted was to be set free of the pain in her heart—to be set free of him

. She desired it, needed

it.
“I’m sorry, Skye,” Rachel said around quivering lips. “I’m not usually like this, you know? I mean, I know you’re alright and the worrying should be over, but it’s just not that easy. I know you must be hurting, I can feel it, and it’s affecting me too. But you need to know that I’ll always be here for you, even if I’m a wreck, I’ll always be ready to help you. Don’t ever forget that, okay Skye?” Her lips formed a small smile but it didn’t reach her eyes.
Despite the haunting pangs of guilt, regret, agony, and heartache, Skye smiled. She needed Rachel to say what she’d said, even if it hurt, she needed to hear that Rachel was there for her. Rachel wouldn’t ever understand the feelings that she felt towards Bryan, Johnny, and Bryan’s father, but she wouldn’t need to. All Skye needed Rachel to do was be there for her, to assure her that she would never be completely alone. And she’d done that.
Though she never expected it, Skye was actually grateful that she had told Rachel about Johnny. If Rachel knew, Skye figured, she could help keep Johnny away from her. And just knowing that cleared her mind enough to discard the feelings of heartache. It would all get easier, she realized, it was just going to take some time.
Nodding her head, Skye looked at her friend since kindergarten and wondered where those days had gone. Everything had been simple when they were kids. But that didn’t matter anymore, the fact was that they had left childhood, and growing up always has its own hardships. Maybe, as tragic as it was, Bryan’s death was just another time for her to grow. Maybe it was going to happen all along, and the pain was her soul growing with the sudden change.
She let out a breath and pushed the grief away, replacing it with peace. She suddenly felt peace throughout the loss of a friend, grateful for the times she had once had with Bryan. Her mind drifted back to the time at hand, and she smiled, grateful for the chance at life she still had. He had died saving her, knowing very well of what he was doing, and he still had the courage to do it. And that, the small act of love he’d left her with, gave her a reason to be happy. Her life was important; she didn’t want to waste it by playing the mourning game. He wouldn’t want her to.
“Rachel,” Skye started, attempting a smile as she guided her friend over by the arm to sit on her bed. “Thank you for being here. It really helps to know that you’re here for me, honest.” She let out a breath, the feel of release freeing her anxieties.
“Skye, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re my best friend, practically my sister, and I’m not going to abandon you. You got that? I couldn’t.” Rachel said, sniffling a bit. Laughing shakily, she wiped at her teary eyes. “Ugh, look at me, I’m such a mess.”
Skye chuckled, soft laughter biting away at the pain she felt inside. “I wouldn’t say you’re a mess…” she trailed off, avoiding the truth. Rachel looked at her pointedly, awaiting the rest. The truth made it hard for Skye not to laugh. She knew her friend wasn’t literally a mess, but with the mascara and eyeliner smudged and runny around her eyes, Rachel did look a little off. “Let’s just say you’re an adorable raccoon.” She finished, giggling.
Rachel pushed Skye’s shoulder, laughing and protesting though she seemed to know defeat. “Thanks a lot, Skye. Now I am

a raccoon.”
Standing up, she hustled over to Skye’s dresser and grabbed a tissue, dabbing around her eyes. Finishing, with the blackness cleared away, she turned to look at Skye, tissue in hand. “Better?” she asked.
Skye nodded her head, eyes wide and lips in a small smile. It felt good, she realized. Laughing, smiling, living without the constant fear nipping at her nerves; for the first time in a long time, she felt good, happy

even. Because, even though she missed Bryan with all her heart, she knew that she had a few people who cared about her and wouldn’t let her down. She knew that even though Bryan, her first love, was gone, she could still feel happy. The man responsible would rot in prison for what he did, Bryan would be marked as the hero for the life he saved, and she could finally resolve her feelings for Jules, find a way to escape Johnny’s grasp with Rachel’s help, and draw closer to her parents—the real ones.
She was starting to discover herself, strengths and weaknesses, and she wasn’t going to let others change her. She knew she was ready to live her life, as best as she sees fit. All because of Bryan’s sacrifice, she was ready to turn her life around, even if it takes everything she has in her to do so.
“Much better,” she told Rachel. Teasingly, she added, “You’re no longer a raccoon. Congrats!”
Glaring, Rachel put her hand on her hip and scoffed. “You know what,” she exclaimed. “You’re a little too honest. Brutal much?”
Biting her nails, Skye laughed a little, peering up at her friend through her bangs. “I’ll just take that as a compliment.” She said softly.
Chuckling, Rachel pranced over to Skye’s bed and hopped beside her friend, tucking her feet under her legs to sit Indian style. She fingered the fray from a throw pillow at the foot of the bed and began humming.
Skye turned to her and pulled her feet up from the floor, tucking them under likewise. She gathered her thoughts, fighting anything from the night before that threatened to resurface. Intently, she watched as Rachel picked at the fabric, smoothing it between her fingers and then flicking it the next moment.
“Are you worried about what I told you yesterday—I mean, three days ago?” She asked suddenly, not thinking before she spoke.
Rachel gave Skye a face, taken aback. “What?”
“The whole thing with,”—she took a breath—“Johnny

.”
Frowning, Rachel stuffed the pillow under her arms and let out a puff of air. “I have been,” she said quietly. Her face twisted with a mixture of emotions. Worry and sadness the most, Skye supposed. “I feel terrible just knowing about it, like I should be able to help you more. But if you’re right, and he really is abusive and threatening, it could be dangerous. Especially since we don’t have enough proof that he’s hurt you before. It aggravates me, Skye. He

aggravates me.” She gulped air, growling under her breath as her hold on the pillow tightened.
“The past three days, waiting for you to wake up, fighting carefully against the idea of letting him check in on you, has scared me. I didn’t want him to do anything to you, and I knew I couldn’t let anything happen. Nothing happened, I’m sure of that. But it still scares me to know that he’s abused you before, violated you so shamefully. And I’m going to do everything I can to make sure he doesn’t hurt you again. We’re going to figure out a way to tell others without hurting anyone else, okay?” She was looking directly at Skye, communicating just how much she meant everything she’s said.
Skye nodded her head slowly, taking in everything that Rachel had said.