Misery is my name by Emily Walton (korean novels in english .txt) 📕

I'm here."

And that's what I was afraid of.

He was so close now; I didn't want to let him go. But I had to; I couldn't love him back the way he deserved. I needed him to understand that. I was like a dull knife in a weapons shop. I looked harmless next to everything around me, but I cut the deepest, I caused the most pain, and I killed the slowest.


I wanted to save him from that pain.

Abruptly I sat up, and he gave me a confused look, which immediately turned to concern.

" You’re bleeding, Iz." He leaned over me and grabbed a blanket sitting in the back seat, handing it to me. I took it, confused, and then I realized that my cut, which I had forgotten thanks to Tylenol, was now split and bleeding. I rolled into the passenger seat, and then pulled my jacket on as I put presser on my cut, already feeling dizzy.

" Do we need to go to the hospital?" he asked worriedly.

" Ach, More needles. No thank you." he shook his head.

" We need to go see Jonathan anyway." I sighed.

" Fine, but stop at the house first." he nodded, and he obediently pulled into the driveway.

" Be right back." I said, hoping out. The guys were gone, so I hurried and climbed the stairs. I got my messenger back and went to Jonathan’s room, grabbing his laptop, some of his books, his sketchpad, and his art supplies. I was at the top of the stairs when I remembered his computer games, and had to go back for them.

" Izzy? Where are you?" chess called, making me jump. I turned, but he wasn't in the doorway. He must have been in my room.

" Jonathans room!" I called, still pressing the blanket to my head. I crouched down, and would have fell over if he hadn't appeared and caught me.

" Hey, Easy. Are you ok?" he said, crouching behind me. I leaned against his knees as I studied Jonathan’s impressive collection.

" I'm fine. Dizzy, but fine." he moved, and then his arm was around my waist, his chin on my shoulder. He kissed my neck lightly.

" I'm sorry to here that. I'd grab Gun, and the mystery set he bought yesterday." I nodded, but before I could he had reached around me with his other hand and got them. He slid them into my bag easily, and then it joined his other arm around me.

" This is actually comfortable,” he murmured in my ear. I frowned, and he laughed.

" I've always wondered what it would feel like to hold you like this, and now that I am, I like it." I felt my mouth open in surprise.

" Really?" I stammered. I'd never realized that he'd ever thought of me that way. Of course, I'd thought the same about Andy, and look were that got me.

" Iz, I've felt like ever since you showed up. I'd thought Jonathan was kidding when he came in before you that first day and said there was an avenging angel on the way." he laughed lightly, rocking me slightly, back and forth, to the beat of a song I recognized. I involuntarily leaned back against him, dropping my hand from my forehead. It didn't feel like it was bleeding anymore, so I guess it was ok.

"You sure your ok?" he asked worriedly, kissing my neck again. I nodded.

" Yeah, I'm fine. Ready?" I asked. He buried his face in my shoulder, reaching up to move my jacket, revealing my bare shoulder, thanks to my spaghetti strap.

" Not necessarily." he murmured, kissing every bare spot on my shoulder. I felt myself shiver, and he pulled my jacket back up.

" Sorry." he muttered, kissing my neck again, and again, and again, until I shivered again.
chapter eleven

" Chess, we need to go." I gasped. He stopped for A fraction of a second before continuing to kiss my neck again. I went to push off his knees with my back, but his arms tightened around me. What could I say? I wasn't a match for his hard six-pack. And biceps.

" Sure?" I nodded, not trusting myself to answer truthfully in words. I felt his laugh in his chest.

" Really, because you don't seem too eager to get up." I sighed, shaking my head. he pulled me backwards, making me fall on the floor. Before I could get up, he had pinned me under him gently. His stomach pressed mine softly, but I could still feel the muscles in them. He was smirking.

" Am I right?" he asked nonchalantly, then didn't give me time to answer, pressing his lips firmly but gently on mine. I tried to gasp, but it didn't work too well with him on top of me.

Finally, after a few seconds, I gave up struggling and kissed him back. I could feel him smile as he kissed me. He pulled back, only to immediately start trailing burning kisses up and down my neck. I was having trouble breathing.

" Chess!" I gasped, and he rolled off me, only to pull me next to him.

" I do believe that's my name. What would you like?" he said in my ear, and I shivered as his breath hit me.

" To get up?" it sounded like a question.

What the hell! I wasn’t supposed to feel like this for anyone, much less my soon to be brother!

He didn't get time to answer, because his phone rang. He sighed, then got up and sat on Jonathan’s bed.

" Hello?" he asked, motioning me up off the floor. I stood up, and stood in the doorway, as far away from him as possible. he sat up straighter.

" Ok. Bye." he turned to me, closing his phone.

" Jonathans up. Ready to go?" he smirked slightly. I nodded, spun, and was down the stairs before he left the room.

On the way to the hospital, I made the hardest decision I'd ever had to make.

I was leaving.

As soon as chess was asleep tonight, I was leaving. I couldn't stay around without hurting him severely. And if he was hurt...... it'd be a repeat of Andy, only possibly worse. I didn't want to hurt him at all, but that was impossible now. I know I’m going to leave a scar on him, but it wont be as big as it could be.

Thank God.

it took a while, but finally I got Chess to leave me and Jonathan alone for a few minutes.


He was in bad condition. He was covered in bruises- something they didn't mention last night- and yet he was so happy to see us, I almost wavered with my decision.

Almost.

" Jonathan, I need to tell you something." he smirked at me.

" You and Chess are together? Not that hard to figure out." i felt my eyes widen. we looked like we were together? Fuck.

" what!? NO! no, that's not it." he frowned, then shook his head.

" why not? he's been love with you for, like, ever."

" what!? wait, no." I sighed, taking a deep breath. why did he have to tell me that now?

" no, I'm leaving." he frowned.

" like, now? because you can come back tomorrow, if that's better for you guys." I sighed again, and just met his gaze steadily, until his eyes widened in surprise.

" What!? WHY!?" I flinched at his accusatory tone.

" Because... because he's getting too attached. I’m going to hurt him, Jonathan." I closed my eyes and said softer

" And I don't want to hurt him, Johnny. I don't. He’s the most amazing thing I've ever seen, but even he can't help Me." he scowled as I met his eyes.

" You leaving will hurt him, too." I shook my head sadly.

" Not as much as it could." I said truthfully, and his eyes widened again. He was going to say something, when Chess appeared.

" Here’s your soda, Jonathan, Iz." he handed it to me, hand lingering on mine.


" Why was Jonathan shooting you daggers?' I shrugged as we got into the car, almost eight o'clock. He hesitated, turning to me.

" Can we watch some more of your home movies? We’ll only watch the ones you pick out, I swear." he said hurriedly. I felt my eyes widen.

" Uh....." I turned to look out my window. He sighed, turning the key in the ignition.

That sigh did it.

" Sure, why not?" I said, still looking out the window. I glanced at him, and he was looking out his window, grinning from ear to ear.


At 9, we were on the hid abed in the living room, a box of my home movies next to the TV, a remote in Chess’s hand, and a bag of popcorn between us.

" so, which one are we watching?" I asked. he leaned over the side, studying the box thoughtfully. Finally he straightened up with a movie in his hand.

" This one." I rolled my eyes.

" And the title is...." I said, and he smirked.

" All it says is soul pounding." I felt my face drain of color.

" oh, uh..... alright, I guess." I muttered, embarrassed. I'd seen that movie once, and it wasn't the best of me being drunk. he slid the movie in and sat back, wrapping an arm around me. I stiffened, then tried to relax. If i was going to spend one more night here, I might as well enjoy it. The screen flickered to life.

chapter twelve

" ah, the wonderful black rose has finally awoken." I heard Leon, but didn't see him, just me with bed hair, a tank top, and one of his old pair of boxers. I flicked him off, eyes