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40 Optimistic

Carrie

My heat hadn't been quite as bad as I had expected. I wasn't about to admit out loud that Jason seemed to know exactly what he had been doing. His head was already too big especially when it came to his prowess, and more ego might make it explode.

Most of the heat horror stories involved a wolf whose mate was unable to be there for her for whatever reason, war, death, or because her mate was an asshole, so I supposed it made sense that it was tolerable and turned out to be really pleasurable with Jason, at least when it wasn’t hurting.

Now that it was over, I was eager to see what the damage of our diversion had been. I walked into the office with a slight nervousness in the pit of my stomach, but was relieved to find Porter, Randy and the others had handled it well. I supposed that was the advantage of a new pack, roles were more flexible, and no one was set in their ways.

By the end of the day, I was sure that we were still on track for the next meeting of the Alpha Assembly, and I had set the morning of the full moon for the vote on our pack name. Goodbye, Pack TBD. Porter was throwing himself into work between fits of moping around about Amanda cutting him out of her life, so I contacted her and made plans to meet. Besides feeling sympathetic to Porter—the few days I had been apart from Jason had been miserable for us both—I also wanted our Beta to be on his game if at all possible. She responded immediately, and suggested that we meet that night at the Coffee Buzz. I agreed, and told Jason of my plans.

He of course sent a wolf with me, and I didn’t argue. Porter had wanted to be the one, but I refused the idea at once. Having him hanging around and risking Amanda spotting him would only confirm her suspicions that he was stalking her. It would be exactly the most unhelpful thing he could do. I know the males thought stalking and locking up their mates was a feasible solution, but there were some things they just didn’t get. At least Jason had a quick learning curve. I couldn’t help but smile.

Instead, I took Lee along, and he sat in the café and pretended not to know me. It would be hard for a human to understand why I had a guard so it was better he not be obvious.

I debated how to bring Porter up. I imagined that Amanda was smart enough to understand I wasn't exactly a neutral party since he was a friend of my "boyfriend".

The Coffee Buzz was quaint, with an eclectic array of art and collectibles decorating the walls. I ordered a drink while I waited, and Amanda came in only a couple of minutes after I arrived, ordered her usual and came to join me.

"Hey, girl," how are you doing?" she asked me in a voice that seemed to hold no reservations.

I smiled, and it was easy, because Jason came instantly to mind. Jason, and the pup I was likely already carrying. When Asshole Dane had kicked me out, I hadn’t dared imagine anything like this might be in my future. "I'm great, yourself?"

"Ah, things have been good," she said. Had I imagined the hitch in her voice? I couldn’t decide, as she launched into a fast-paced explanation of everything that had happened at my former workplace and in her own life since I had left. She paused only a moment when her order came up, before continuing.

It took me a full half hour to work Porter into the conversation. "So, how did things go with Jason's friend you met? He didn't really say much." It was partly the truth. Turned out Porter was prone to withdrawing when depressed.

She shifted a bit in her seat. "He was too intense, so I broke off whatever he thought we were."

"Oh really? I thought he was really into you."

She wrinkled her nose. "Yeah. Seemed like he was."

I shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm just surprised, because it almost seemed like you were as into him that night you met as he was you."

She shifted her gaze to the side. "Well, he is really hot." She met my gaze again challengingly. "But that's not the only thing that matters, you know?"

"I do," I agreed.

"I want to live my life, and I don't want to be tied down by some man. And everything he did was just so—I don't know. Like I said, intense. Like he would do anything to keep me with him, like he wanted to lurk behind me everywhere I went. I've been with that sort of guy before, and I don't need to fall back into another relationship with some overpossesive bad news jerk who's going to try to control my every move. I already made that mistake, and that's not what I want, you know?"

"I do," I agreed. While her words made me suspect her past relationship had been far worse than my own with Asshole Dane, I did feel more free when I wasn't with him. The restrictions and expectations on my behaviour had been a difficult burden to bear at Greenwoods.

"It's a shame, though. I mean, he seriously blew my mind in bed."

I wasn't surprised. At least in my limited experience, mates were amazing when it came to sex. Although it might just be Jason who was so vastly superior to my ex and—I could only assume—all other males on the planet. I didn’t plan to test the theory, ever.

"Too bad it didn't work out," I said, trying to sound supportive.

She narrowed her eyes. "Wait, is this the only reason you wanted to see me?"

I shook my head. "No. I was actually just feeling bad that I had refused you so many times. I was feeling depressed when I got here, and I let that get the better of me. Well, maybe Porter was a bit of it."

She shrugged, although her face relaxed. "Huh?"

That was enough invitation for me. "It's just he was so happy after he met you, but now he's wandering around looking miserable."

She raised her eyebrows. "Well, I made him no promises."

"I know. I'm just surprised. Porter's a great guy, and the way you two were that night...I would have sworn you were soul mates. Jason thought that, too." I shook my head. "But I'm not trying to pressure you. You know what's best for yourself far better than I do." I left it alone. Unless I missed my guess, my friend was exactly the romantic sort of person who would find the idea of soul mates a convincing argument. I also sensed that she was not as unaffected by Porter as she wished she was. If anything, she seemed perturbed about her interest in him.

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