How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #5) by DeYtH Banger (old books to read .TXT) 📕

Those seeking to draw a new line between acceptable and offensive comedy will often try to distinguish between noble jokes and satire which ‘punches up’, by lampooning the rich and powerful, and that which is guilty of ‘punching down’, by poking fun at the disadvantaged and powerless. This might sound a worthy argument. At root, however, it is just a comedic version of the ‘I believe in free speech, but…’ line, which seeks to preserve freedom of expression for opinions and gags which are to your own personal taste. In comedy, as in politics, if we are serious about free speech it has to be defended for all as an indivisible liberty.

Of course, nobody has to approve of offensive humour, and anybody is free to heckle or hit back in kind. We have witnessed the rise of a new wave of comedians or deliberate provocateurs whose aim is to appear as offensive as possible. This is best understood as the flipside of the campaign to sanitise humour, an attempted backlash against those stultifying trends. It is regrettable that the only way some seem able to take a stand for free speech these days is by becoming an offence-seeking caricature of themselves. But they are only a side-effect of the bigger problem.

Jimmy Carr is sometimes guilty of being offensive for the sake of it. Yet the bit that got him into trouble with Ofcom this time was arguably slightly more thoughtful than that. Carr offended the Ofcom watchdogs, and attracted all of 11 complaints from viewers, by telling the BBC’s anodyne 7pm magazine programme The One Show what he explained was his ‘shortest joke possible: Dwarf shortage’. He then added: ‘If you’re a dwarf, and you’re offended by that: Grow up!’

Just before delivering that line, however, Carr told the presenters that he had been thinking about ‘my favourite all-time joke which might work on this show’. Then he told a gag about ‘a Welsh friend of mine. I asked him how many partners he had in his life. And he started to count and he fell asleep.’ Amid laughter in the studio, Carr immediately turned to the camera, asking ‘That’s just about all right, isn’t it?’. This sounded like a joke about the new taboos in comedy as much as it was about Welsh sheep-shaggers or dwarves. It was certainly inviting the offended responses, but also asking a question about how far he could go today. Carr got his humourless You Can’t Say That answer from Ofcom this week, and indeed from the BBC, which said it had tightened the rules for One Show guests in response to his offence.

There is a question that often appears to have been forgotten in all this: is it funny? The attempt to impose codes of conduct on comedy reflects the idea that you can somehow apply a political and moral judgement to humour. That you can, in short, stop yourself laughing at something offensive or controversial. Good luck with that, and with preventing yourself sneezing at the same time.

The history of comedy surely shows that, as with old-time British comedians such as Bernard Manning (motto: ‘They can’t stop us laughing!’), it is perfectly possible to talk like a bigot and yet be hilarious. That’s life. Comedy is a messy business, and people can laugh at the most outrageous things. To attempt to impose order on it, by removing what is not to the taste of the moment, is to risk killing it.

We are faced with a situation where what is considered acceptable in comedy could be every bit as one-note and conformist as in the bad old days, except that it now has to comply with different codes and taboos. Of course, nobody is against free speech for comedians. Until, that is, they decide somebody has gone too far in offending their own views and hurting their feelings.

It might be hard to get excited about defending free speech for those you consider to be sexist, disablist, Islamophobic or anti-Semitic comedians. There are few heroes in the battle for comedy’s soul. Yet it remains as important to defend freedom of speech and thought here as in any other corner of Western culture.

The most bitter free-speech battles these days can often be fought in the muddy lowlands of football or comedy, far from the cultural high ground. And the wish to dictate not just what jokes a comedian should tell, but also what we should laugh at, is the clearest conceivable attempt at thought control. What could be more intrusive than the attempt to police something as reflexive as a snort of laughter?

The tortured efforts to patrol what is and is not acceptably funny have created a fraught situation where comedy is in danger of becoming a more staid and safe affair, certainly in colleges and on TV, interrupted only by silly look-at-me acts where the main aim appears to be controversy rather than comedy.

The pulling of comedy’s teeth and the treatment of laughter as a serious case for censorship should be no laughing matter. Nothing ought to be beyond a joke. If comedians are not allowed to upset and offend, what chance have the rest of us got?

8 Weird Things Women Do To Push Guys Away

By Jason Treu, February 19th 2015

It may seem that “men are from Mars” and “women are from Venus,” and as a man with many female friends and many women clients, I’m here to share both sides of the conversation.

What a woman may think is proper behavior in dating and relationships, a man might believe is way off-base and a deal breaker.

Here are some of the major ways women sabotage their own relationships. (Oh, and men do this as well.)

Before you read it ask yourself, “How many of these am I doing or have I done?”

1. Overanalyzing Every Word (Or Close To it!)

Typically, a man can say or do something without much thought. On the other hand, women tend to spend hours discussing the nuances in what a man said or did with a girlfriends. They will break down every part of the communication. Was it a text? Did it have a smiley face? What time did you text? How many texts that day? etc.

I know it’s hard not to overthink things when you’re dating since you don’t always know where a man stands, especially since some of them aren’t good at communicating their feelings and emotions.

If he didn’t contact you today or didn’t make plans far enough in advance, just go with the flow. He’s probably busy or having a bad day or week. You don’t know.

Obsessing with your girlfriends won’t get you any closer to the solution. You’ll end up confronting him with your overdrawn conclusions, getting mad and driving him towards the nearest exit.

2. Not Having Your Own Life

I see way too many people getting involved in relationships too quickly and investing emotions too quickly when they don’t yet know the person fully.

Don’t start having your life revolve around someone you met a month ago. You’ve lived a long time on your own just fine, so don’t keep yourself from doing what you desire.

When you over invest you give your power away. It’s easy to start the habit of placing yourself second to others and not setting the proper boundaries.

Live your own life with your own friends, career, dinners and events, etc. A man who is really interested in you will be open to compromising on doing things you enjoy.

3. Reeking Of Desperation

Neediness is a major turnoff. It shows that you’re insecure, have low self-esteem and that you’ll need constant reinforcement.

If he’s out with friends, leave him be. Don’t go around checking social media to see what’s going on.

4. Thinking Negatively

This isn’t referring to genuine concerns about your relationship or sharing how you feel; it refers to the negative questions and statements that try to elicit a response. For example: “Why don’t you tell me you love me anymore?” or “I bet you are going to break up with me.”

Instead of trying to “fish” for information, just ask him. If you want a man to be straightforward, honest and transparent, then act the same way.

5. Trying To Change Him

Trying to change someone is not recipe for a happy and healthy long-term relationship.

There is nothing wrong with encouraging someone to be the best they can be or helping them see other options. But no guy wants to have his “mom” tell him what to do and what he’s doing wrong.

Acting like this mother makes him feel like he’s not good enough.

If you need to nag and criticize someone for not living up to your expectations, you are with the wrong person. Would you want someone else to do that to you?

6. Expecting (Or Giving) Too Much Way TOO Soon

Stop trying to make a one-month relationship mean more than it is. The pressure of getting clingy or emotional too soon pushes people away.

It’s great to be excited about being with someone, but you don’t need to talk marriage and kids on the second date.

7. Looking For Problems

If you look for problems, chances are you are going to find them. For example, if you are afraid of being rejected, you may misinterpret things and try to reject him first. If you have a negative mindset, you’re going to create a negative reality.

Sure, you’ve had some bad relationship experiences in the past, but you need to work on those issues before dating again. Remember: You make your past your present when you keep carrying that baggage forward.

8. Talking About The Ex

If you bring up your exes or your past relationships, you are on the road to driving a man away. There is no reason to bring them up early on in a relationship. If you need to vent, go talk to your friends!

Conclusion

Ladies … men make a lot of mistakes too, and they commit many of the same ones as you do (and different ones). No one is perfect, but you can take steps to prevent sabotaging your current and future relationships.

You deserve happy, healthy, and extraordinary relationships. The first step is to love and like yourself. If you can’t do that, you won’t be able to sustain the types of relationships you want in all area of your life!

Do you have anything to add or comment on? Let me know. 

18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With

By Christopher Hudspeth, April 5th 2014

1. The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.

2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun.

3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two.

4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.

5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks