Bridge Of Writing (Domination #1) by DeYtH Banger (christmas read aloud .txt) 📕

full year later we were forced to scrap the truck due to the smell. Truckers of Reddit 4

 by perezidentt

 

 

As a man that has reached the ripe old age of 48 I can promise you I have seen some shit go down. This one totally takes the cake for me though.

I was waiting out front of a truck stop back in the mid 80's. Sitting on a park bench with a guy that had a big Rottweiler kinda dog on a leash with him. I tried to make small talk but he was quite a sourpuss. So we sat in silence for a few minutes until the most unexpected thing I have ever seen, happened right before my very eyes.

While we were sitting there a big 18 wheeler pulls in without a trailer (bobtail) so he parks right up front like a normal car would. Inside the cab of the truck with the driver is a little monkey. The dance for the organ grinder kind. I think they are called Rhesus monkeys perhaps. Well the dog spots this lil monkey and proceeds to go apeshit over it. Lunging at the end of his leash and barking at the top of his lungs. Generally making a real spectacle of himself to say the least.

The driver is obviously upset, but not nearly as much as the monkey is. Actually upset may be the wrong adjective to use for the monkey though. In retrospect I think eagerly aggressive may be a more appropriate description for his disposition. He was pacing the dashboard back and forth. Never taking his eyes off of this very aggravating dog.

The driver opens his little triangle window that they don't make on cars anymore. The ones made for smokers back in the day. He yells out to this douche bag to call his dog off because it is upsetting his monkey. The guy laughs and says no way (I told you he was a jerk didn't I?). Says that his dog ain't bothering nobody. The dog hasn't shut up since he laid eyes on the monkey. I promise you he is bothering everybody for several blocks around.

Now here's where things start to get interesting. The driver says that if he doesn't call his dog off he's gonna let his monkey loose on that dog. Douche bag laughs and says that his dog would eat that monkey alive. Upon hearing this the driver leans over and reaches into his glove box I guess. Pulls out one of those tiny baseball bats like you used to get at Astroworld or carnivals, and places it in the monkeys hand. The monkey obviously knows what's about to go down because he is now trying to squeeze out of that little triangular window I mentioned earlier. This monkey has murder in his eyes if I have ever seen it. Driver hollers "Last chance to save your dog's ass man." In response douche bag lets his dog off of the leash. Now we have a situation that has escalated to the point where we have a dog jumping up at the window and a monkey screaming profanities right back at him. Well, the driver finally rolls down the regular window and out leaps all kinds of miniature primate hell. The dog never knew what hit him. Quick as a flash this monkey is riding on the back of this dog's neck. His two back feet all wrapped up in his neck fur with one hand hanging onto an ear. The other hand as you may have guessed by now is steadily and mercilessly raining down blows about this dog's head and face. I mean hard blows. You can hear them whap whap whap.

Well it only took a moment for the dog to realize he was in way over his head. He bolts yelping bloody murder as he runs away at full speed. I mean this dog is running so fuckin hard he's throwing up tufts of grass and dirt as soon as he leaves pavement. The monkey still riding him and beating on him the whole time. Douche bag acts like he wants to fight now but several people including myself stepped in to stop that nonsense. In a couple of minutes or so the little monkey comes loping back with his little bat still in hand, and leaps up into the still open window of the truck to await his master who has gone on into the store.

That wanker ran off to try to go find his dog, but I don't know if he ever did. My ride showed up and I had to go. Never again in this lifetime will I see something so totally crazy and unexpected like that. I am both fortunate and humble to have been so privileged to be present for such an event.

So Reddit, please do tell. What's your craziest thing you have ever seen in public?

Truckers of Reddit 5

 

Wall of text, three stories, TL;DR's at bottom.

Story one.

My trucking days were shit, but I got some good stories from them. Going south on I-75 in Georgia at around three a.m., I see this bright light maybe about two miles behind me. Not only is it super-bright, but it is on the interstate and it is HAULING ASS. It's big too, and it's moving faster than anything I think I'd ever seen. Now, earlier that day I had called the guy who taught me how to drive, and he is really, really superstitious about life on the road. He would tell me stories about how a green apparition chased him in Florida when he was pulling too many miles, all kinds of stuff. I was already spooked from that conversation earlier, so looking into my mirror and seeing this giant light FLYING towards me made my asshole clench onto the seat. This thing closes the distance between us and FLIES past me, probably doing around 120. I had the window down and as it went past me, I felt this massive amount of HEAT. When it passed me, I could finally tell what it was!

Get this.

It was a hay hauler, a truck that hauls a trailer designed for hay, and the ENTIRE LOAD OF HAY IN THE BACK WAS ABLAZE.

I jumped in the CB and screamed "DRIVER, YOUR TRAILER IS ON FIRE!!!" The driver comes back in a surprisingly calm voice with, "I know, I'm just letting it burn off. I figure if I go fast enough, I can keep my cab from getting burned."

Story 2.

I got my CDL-A in 2003 and was immediately hired by a company called PAM. They pay shit, but it was a good place to cut my teeth as a greenhorn. Once you get your CDL, the company that hires you sends you out with a driver-trainer for a month to teach you the ways of the road, and my trainer was a guy named Charlie. I mentioned him earlier, real superstitious guy. Charlie was a maniac, every three days I had to break up a fistfight between him and another driver and it was always over shit-talking on the CB! He would snort flake too, and stay awake for a week at a time and drive NON-STOP. (Flake is this trucker drug, a mixture of speed, ephedra, anything you can get that will make your heart rate go up, crushed and snorted.) Then he would go home, fall asleep for two days in his chair and piss and shit on himself. His woman didn't care, her house and bills were paid for, and she didn't have a need or want. Oh, he had no problem getting BJ's from lot lizards either, he even offered to get me one over my birthday during the month I was out with him! At the Travelcenters of America (TA) in Roanoke VA. they had this all you can eat steak dinner, he got me that and was trying to get me to accept a BJ, I was like no man! That shit is not for me! Lizard is an appropriate term for truck stop prostitute, they are the lowest rung on the prostitution ladder. Anyway, I'm trying to get across just how wild Charlie was.

Fast forward to the end of my month as a trainee, I'm in Jacksonville FL at my home terminal and I'm going to have my final test to see if I'm worthy of going first-seat. That's what they call it when they let you go on your own with your own truck. What they do is they get another driver who doesn't know you, put you in the truck with him and he has you go through all the motions, driving, backing, etc. One of Charlie's good buddies was there, his handle was slowhand, I can't remember his real name, and Charlie was like, "Okay driver, you're going to get your first-seat test tonight, are you ready!" I'm like yep! He has me disconnect the tractor from the trailer, and myself, Charlie and slowhand drive to the Applebees. Strange, I thought I was getting my test. "Don't worry driver, you'll get it after this!!" Charlie said. It was at this point that Charlie and slowhand start getting FUCKED up. Charlie liked margaritas, and he starts slamming them, along with slowhand. We had a meal, about an hour and a half goes by, and these two assholes are SMASHED. We go out to the tractor, I hop in the driver's seat, and Charlie goes "Okay, here is your test... all you have to do is get me and slowhand back to the terminal and you pass!" I'm like, SWEET! It's probably a seven mile straight shot with no trailer, piece of cake!!! So off we go. Slowhand is sitting in the passenger side and Charlie is in the back digging around in the cabinets of the truck. Slowhand starts asking me about how my month has gone, what I've been put through experience-wise, yada yada. Charlie says "Hey, look!" Everything becomes slow motion at that point. I turn my head to look, and CHARLIE HAS HIS GIANT TENNESSEE SAUSAGE DICK OUT, AND WHEN I SEE IT, HE DOES THE PROPELLER MOVE AN INCH FROM MY FACE. It was a shock, to say the least. Charlie and slowhand thought it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen. Slowhand signed off on my paperwork when we got back. Welcome to trucking.

Story 3

Around 2007-2008 I was a trucker, and it was about 2:30 in the morning in Georgia. I was