The Desired Woman(Fiscle Part-3 Of 2) by Will N. Harben (e book reader pdf TXT) 📕

Dell Not Far Away. The Drooping Boughs Of The Willow Trees Shut Them

Out Of Sight. Saunders,  With A Hopeless Griping Of The Heart,  Went

About Directing His Servants And Helping Some Belated Guests To Get

What They Wished To Eat. He Heard Himself Joking,  Replying To Jokes,

And Smiling With Lips Which Felt Stiff.

The Remains Of The Food Had Been Taken Up And Replaced In The Big

Baskets When He Saw Dolly And Mostyn Strolling Back From The Spring.

Mostyn Held Her Sunshade Over Her,  His Arm Touching Hers. The Distance

Was Too Great For Saunders To See Their Faces Distinctly,  But He Would

Have Sworn That Both Reflected Joy And Peace.

"Oh,  God,  Is It Actually To Be?" He Groaned,  Inwardly. "_Ought_ It To

Be? Here Am I,  Eager To Gratify Her Every Wish,  While He Can Give Her

Only The Dry,  Crushed Remains Of His Manhood,  A Bare Scrap Of His Past

Affluence. He Scorned The Sweetest Flower Of Womanhood That Ever

Bloomed,  And Now Crawls Through His Own Mire To Pluck It. It Isn't

Right--It Isn't Right! God Knows It Isn't Right To Her; Leaving Me And

My Hopes Out Altogether--It Isn't Right To _Her!_"

Cold From Head To Foot,  Saunders Retreated Out Of Sight Behind A Clump

Of Bushes. Figuratively,  He Raised His Hands To The Impotent Sky And

Dumbly Cried Within Himself:

"Oh,  God,  Give Me Strength To Bear It Like A Man! I Was Wrong In

Hoping. She Is His; She Loves Him. She Loves Him. I Am An Outsider. I

Now Know Why I Never Dared Tell Her Of My Love--My Adoration! It Was

The Still,  Inner Voice Of Warning Telling Me To Keep In My Proper

Place."

Presently He Saw Dolly Alone Near The Arbor,  And,  Remembering His

Engagement With Her,  He Went To Her.

"I Have Come To See If You Would Care To Go Now," He Began. "I Believe

There Is Only Some Irregular Singing And Speech-Making To Follow."

"I Am Free," She Said. "My Part Of The Work Is Over. I Refuse To Touch

The Stiff Keys Of That Organ Again To-Day. My Wrists Are Sore,  And My

Ankles Ache. But I've Been Thinking Over That Ride,  Jarvis. I Want To

Go,  Of Course,  But--Jarvis,  I Hope You Are Not Oversensitive. In Fact,

I Know You Are Not,  And Will Understand When I Say That Somehow--Don't

You Know?--Somehow,  I Don't Like To Leave This Particular Afternoon,

When There Is So Much To Be Done Here. There Are Several Boys And

Girls Who Are Anxious To Sing And Be Heard,  And Some Of My Young Men

Friends Are To Speak. We Might Take Our Ride Some Other Day."

"I Understand,  Dolly," He Said,  Forcing A Smile. He Told Himself That

This Last Hint Ended All. She And Mostyn Were Reconciled,  And She

Wanted Him To Understand The Situation. They Were Quite Alone. No One

Was Near Enough To Hear Their Voices. Suddenly An Overpowering Impulse

Possessed Him. Why Should He Beat About The Bush? All Was Lost,  But

She Should At Least Receive The Tribute Of His Love And Despair. There

Could Be No Harm In Telling Her How He Felt. His Forced Smile Died On

His Lips. His Eyes Met Hers.

"There Was Something I Was Going To Tell You," He Began,  Firmly. "All

These Years I've Been Holding It Back,  But I Can't Any Longer. Dolly,

You Must Have Known That--"

"Stop,  Jarvis!" She Broke In,  Laying Her Hand On His Arm. "I Know What

You Are Going To Say,  But Don't! Some Day I'll Explain,  But Not Now--

Not Now!"

"Well,  You Know What I Mean." He Gulped,  "And That Is Enough. You Must

Have Seen--Must Have Understood All Along."

"Don't--Don't Be Angry With Me," She Pleaded. "You Will Understand It

All Fully Some Day. I May Be An Odd Sort Of Girl,  But I Can't Help It-

-I

Am Simply What I Am."

"I Think I Understand Now," He Said,  "And I Wish You All Happiness In

The World."

The Singing Under The Arbor Had Begun,  And With A Helpless,  Even

Startled Look In Her Eyes She Moved Automatically In That Direction.

"I Don't Think You Do,  Fully," She Faltered. "I'm Sure You Don't. Men

Never Quite Understand Women In Such Delicate Matters."

She Left Him; And,  Finding Himself Alone,  He Crossed The Sward And Sat

Down In A Group Of Farmers Who Were Discussing Crops And Planting.

That Evening After Supper Saunders And Mostyn Were On The Veranda

Smoking Together. The Exchange Of Remarks Was Formal,  Even Forced And

Awkward. Presently Saunders Said: "I Saw Leach Looking For You At The

Arbor. Did You Run Across Him?"

"Yes," Mostyn Puffed,  And Saunders Heard Him Heave A Sigh. "I Had

Quite A Talk With Him. I Can't Fully Account For It,  But I Like The

Man Very Much. It May Be His Optimism Or Wonderful Faith. I Know That

He Has A Very Soothing Effect On Me. The Truth Is,  I Have Promised To

Go To California With Him."

"Oh!" Saunders Leaned Against The Balustrade,  Steadily Scrutinizing

The Face Of His Guest. "He Told Me Something About His Proposition,

But I Thought That Perhaps You Would Not Be Likely To Go--Not Now,

Anyway."

"Oh Yes,  I Shall Go At Once. I Must Go Somewhere,  And With Him I'd

Have The Benefit Of A Companion."

"But,  Of Course," Saunders Flung Out,  Tentatively,  "You Will Not

Remain Away Long?"

"I Can't Say For Sure That I Shall _Ever_ Come Back," Mostyn Said,

Sadly. "Of Course,  I Can't Say Positively As To That,  But There

Is Nothing--Absolutely Nothing To Hold Me Here Now."

The Eyes Of The Two Met In A Steady Stare.

"You Can't Mean _That_--I'm Sure You Can't!" Saunders Faltered.

Mostyn Seemed About To Speak,  But A Tremor Of Rising Emotion Checked

Him. He Smoked For A Moment In Silence; Then,  With A Steadier Voice,

He Began:

"I Must Be More Frank With You,  Jarvis," He Said. "You Have Been A

True Friend To Me,  And I Don't Want To Keep Anything From You At All.

Besides,  This Concerns You Directly. To Tell You This I May Be

Betraying Confidence,  But Even That,  Somehow,  Seems Right. Saunders,

To-Day At That Meeting As I Sat There--" Mostyn's Voice Began To Shake

Again,  And He Cleared His Throat Before Going On. "As I Sat There

Looking At--At The Purest,  Sweetest Face God Ever Made I Began To

_Hope._ I Confess It. I Began To Hope That God Might Intend To Give Me

One Other Chance At Earthly Happiness. I Even Fancied That He Might

Purposely Have Led Me Back Here Out Of My Awful Darkness Into Light. I

Might Not Have Dared To Go So Far,  But She Had Her Uncle Invite Me To

Lunch,  And As I Sat By Her Side The Very Benediction Of Heaven Seemed

To Fall On Her And Me And All The Rest. It Made Me Bold. I Was Out Of

My Head. I Was Intoxicated By It All. Don't You See,  I Began To Think,

Late As It Is--Shamed As I Am Before The World--I Began To Think That

I Might Again Take Some Sort Of Root Among Men And Be Worthy Of--Of

The Only Woman I Ever Really Loved? She And I Walked Off Together. Her

Consenting To Go Gave Me Fresh Courage. I Determined To Speak. I

Determined To Throw My Soiled Soul At Her Spotless Feet. I Did."

"Don't Say Any More; I Know The Rest," Saunders Said,  Under His

Breath. "I Congratulate You. I Congratulate You With All My Heart." He

Held Out His Hand,  But Mostyn Warded It Off,  His Cigar Cutting Red

Zigzag Lines In The Darkness.

"Congratulate Me? My God,  _You_ Congratulate _Me_. Are You Blind? Have

You Been Blind All This Time? She Not Only Spurned My Love,  But In A

Blaze Of Righteous Indignation She Told Me She Loved You. She Said She

Loved,  Adored,  Reverenced--_Worshiped_ You. She Seemed To Look On My

Hopes As Some Sort Of Insult To Her Womanhood. She Didn't Want _You_

To Know Of Her Love,  She Said,  But She Wanted _Me_ To Know It. She

Seems To Feel--She Seems To Think That In All Your Kindness To Her And

Nobleness You Deserve A Wife Who Has Never Fancied Another,  Even In

Girlhood. She Told Me That Her Feeling For Me Was Only The Idle Whim

Of A Child,  And That She Pitied Me As A Weak And Stumbling Creature.

She Put It That Way,  With Blazing Eyes,  And She Put It Right. I _Am_

Weak--I've Always Been Weak; And To-Day,  In Trying To Win Her From

You,  I Did The Weakest Act Of My Life. I Confess It. You Have The

Right To Strike Me In The Face. I Knew You Loved Her. I Knew She Had

Become Your Very Life,  And Yet In My Despair And Damnable Vanity I

Wanted To Take Her From You. I Am Trying To Get Right,  But I Fell

Before That Dazzling Temptation. In Telling You Of Her Love Now I Am

Tearing My Soul From My Body,  But I Want To Atone--I Want To Atone--As

Far As Possible."

Saunders Turned His Transformed Face Away. He Said Nothing,  And The

Two Stood In Dead Silence For A Moment. Suddenly Saunders Put Out A

Throbbing Hand And Laid It On Mostyn's Shoulder.

"I Thank You; I Thank You," He Said,  Huskily. "You Must Excuse Me This

Evening. I Hope You Can Pass The Time Some Way. I Am Going To Her,

Mostyn. I Can't Wait Another Minute. I Must See Her To-Night!"

Conclusion

Six Years Passed. It