The Jimmyjohn Boss, and Other Stories by Owen Wister (reading comprehension books TXT) 📕

me to those twins. They're not named yet, judge. After they get the prize we'll name them fine names, as good as any they got anywhere—Europe, Asia, Africa—anywhere. My gracious! I wish they was boys. Come on, judge! You and me'll go give 'em a prize, and then we'll drink to 'em.” He hugged me suddenly and affectionately, and we half fell down the steps. But Gadsden as suddenly caught him and righted him, and we proceeded to the twins. Mrs. Smith looked at me helplessly, saying: “I'm that sorry, sir! I had no idea he was going to be that gamesome.” “Not at all,” I said; “not at all!” Under many circumstances I should have delighted in Shot-gun's society. He seemed so utterly sure that, now he had explained himself, everybody would rejoice to give the remaining-medal to his little girls. But Bosco and Cuba had not been idle. Shotgun did not notice the spread of whispers, nor feel the divided and jealous currents in the air as he sat, and, in expanding good-will, talked himself almost sober. To entice him out there was no way. Several of his friends had tried it. But beneath his innocence there seemed to lurk something wary, and I grew apprehensive about holding the box this last time. But Gadsden relieved me as our count began. “Shot-gun is a splendid man,” said he, “and he has trailed more train-robbers than any deputy in New Mexico. But he has seen too many friends to-day, and is not quite himself. So when he fell down that time I just took this off him.” He opened the drawer, and there lay a six-shooter. “It was touch and go,” said Gadsden; “but he's thinking that hard about his twins that he's not missed it yet. 'Twould have been the act of an enemy to leave that on him to-day.—Well, d'you say!” he broke off. “Well, well, well!” It was the tickets we took out of the box that set him exclaiming. I began to read them, and saw that the agent was no mere politician, but a statesman. His Aqua Marine had a solid vote. I remembered his extreme praise of both Bosco and Cuba. This had set Rincon and Sharon bitterly against each other. I remembered his modesty about Aqua Marine. Of course. Each town, unable to bear the idea of the other's beating it, had voted for the manna-fed, who had 299 votes. Shot-gun and his wife had voted for their twins. I looked towards the Manna Department, and could see that Aqua Marine was placid once more, and Mrs. Brewton was dancing the ring before her eyes. I hope I announced the returns in a firm voice. “What!” said Shot-gun Smith; and at that sound Mrs. Brewton stopped dancing the ring. He strode to our table. “There's the winner,” said Gadsden, quickly pointing to the Manna Exhibit. “What!” shouted Smith again; “and they quit me for that hammer-headed son-of-a-gun?” He whirled around. The men stood ready, and the women fled shrieking and cowering to their infants in the booths. “Gentlemen! Gentlemen!” cried Gadsden, “don't hurt him! Look here!” And from the drawer he displayed Shot-gun's weapon. They understood in a second, and calmly watched the enraged and disappointed Shot-gun. But he was a man. He saw how he had frightened the women, and he stood in the middle of the floor with eyes that did not at all resemble Aqua Marine's at present. “I'm all right now, boys,” he said. “I hope I've harmed no one. Ladies, will you try and forget about me making such a break? It got ahead of me, I guess; for I had promised the little woman—” He stopped himself; and then his eye fell upon the Manna Department. “I guess I don't like one thing much now. I'm not after prizes. I'd not accept one from a gold-bug-combine-trust that comes sneaking around stuffing wholesale concoctions into our children's systems. My twins are not manna-fed. My twins are raised as nature intended. Perhaps if they were swelled out with trash that acts like baking-powder, they would have a medal too—for I notice he has made you vote his way pretty often this afternoon.” I saw the agent at the end of the room look very queer. “That's so!” said several. “I think I'll clear out his boxes,” said Shot-gun, with rising joy. “I feel like I've got to do something before I go home. Come on, judge!” He swooped towards the manna with a yell, and the men swooped with him, and Gadsden and I were swooped with them. Again the women shrieked. But Mrs. Brewton stood out before the boxes with her curl and her chintz.

“Mr. Smith,” said she, “you are not going to do anything like that. You are going to behave yourself like the gentleman you are, and not like the wild beast that's inside you.” Never in his life before, probably, had Shot-gun been addressed in such a manner, and he too became hypnotized, fixing his blue eyes upon the strange lady. “I do not believe in patent foods for children,” said Mrs. Brewton. “We agree on that, Mr. Smith, and I am a grandmother, and I attend to what my grandchildren eat. But this highly adroit young man has done you no harm. If he has the prizes, whose doing is that, please? And who paid for them? Will you tell me, please? Ah, you are all silent!” And she croaked melodiously. “Now let him and his manna go along. But I have enjoyed meeting you all, and I shall not forget you soon. And, Mr. Smith, I want you to remember me. Will you, please?” She walked to Mrs. Smith and the twins, and Shot-gun followed her, entirely hypnotized. She beckoned to me. “Your judge and I,” she said, “consider not only your beautiful twins worthy of a prize, but also the mother and father that can so proudly claim them.” She put her hand in my pocket. “These cat's-eyes,” she said, “you will wear, and think of me and the judge who presents them.” She placed a bracelet on each twin, and the necklace upon Mrs. Smith's neck. “Give him Gadsden's stuff,” she whispered to me. “Do you shave yourself, sir?” said I, taking out the Stropine. “Vaseline and ground shells, and will last your life. Rub the size of a pea on your strop and spread it to an inch.” I placed the box in Shot-gun's motionless hand. “And now, Gadsden, we'll take the train,” said Mrs. Brewton. “Here's your lunch! Here's your wine!” said the orator, forcing a basket upon me. “I don't know what we'd have done without you and your mother.” A flash of indignation crossed Mrs. Brewton's face, but changed to a smile. “You've forgot to name my girls!” exclaimed Shot-gun, suddenly finding his voice. “Suppose you try that,” said Mrs. Brewton to me, a trifle viciously. “Thank you,” I said to Smith. “Thank you. I—” “Something handsome,” he urged. “How would Cynthia do for one?” I suggested. “Shucks, no! I've known two Cynthias. You don't want that?” he asked Mrs. Smith; and she did not at all. “Something extra, something fine, something not stale,” said he. I looked about the room. There was no time for thought, but my eye fell once more upon Cuba. This reminded me of Spain, and the Spanish; and my brain leaped. “I have them!” I cried. “'Armada' and 'Loyola.'” “That's what they're named!” said Shot-gun; “write it for us.” And I did. Once more the band played, and we left them, all calling, “Good-bye, ma'am. Good-bye, judge,” happy as possible. The train was soon going sixty miles an hour through the desert. We had passed Lordsburg, San Simon, and were nearly at Benson before Mrs. Brewton and Gadsden (whom she made sit down with us) and I finished the lunch and champagne. “I wonder how long he'll remember me?” mused Mrs. Brewton at Tucson, where we were on time. “That woman is not worth one of his boots.”

Saturday afternoon, May 6.—Near Los Angeles. I have been writing all day, to be sure and get everything in, and now Sharon is twenty-four hours ago, and here there are roses, gardens, and many nice houses at the way-stations. Oh, George Washington, father of your country, what a brindled litter have you sired!

But here the moral reflections begin again, and I copy no more diary. Mrs. Brewton liked my names for the twins.