The Adventures of Gil Blas of Santillane by Alain René le Sage (good books to read in english .TXT) 📕

of which we could make neither head nor tail. He took notice of

our wonder, and said with a smile: I will lay a wager, neither

Don Raphael nor all the colleges of soothsayers upon earth can

guess why I have bought these articles. With this fling at our

dulness, we untied the bundle, and lectured on the intrinsic

value of what we had been considering only as an empty pageant.

In the inventory was a cloak and a black gown of trailing

dimensions; doublets, breeches, and hose to correspond; an

inkstand and writing paper, such as a secretary of state need not

be ashamed of; a key, such as a treasurer might carry; a great

seal and green wax, such as a chancellor might affix to his

decrees. When he had at length exhausted the display of his

bargains, Don Raphael observed in a bantering tone — Faith and

troth, Master Ambrose, it must be confessed that you have made a

good sensible speculation. But pray, how do you mean to turn the

penny on your purchase? Let me alone for that, answered Lamela.

All these things cost me only ten pistoles, and it shall go hard

but they bring us in above five hundred. The tens in five hundred

are fifty; a good improvement of money, my masters! I am not a

man to burden myself with a trumpery pedlar’s pack; and to prove

to you that I have not been making ducks and drakes of our joint

stock, I will let you into the secret of a plan which has just

taken birth in my pericranium.

After having laid in my stock of bread, I went into a cook’s

shop, where I ordered a range of partridges, chickens, and young

rabbits, half-a-dozen of each, to be put instantly on the spit.

While these relishing little articles were roasting, in came a

man in a violent passion, open-mouthed against the coarse conduct

of a tradesman to his consequential self. This faggot of fury

observed to the lord paramount of the dripping-pan: By St James!

Samuel Simon is the most wrong-headed retail dealer in the town

of Xelva. He has just insulted me in his own shop before his

customers. The skinflint would not trust me for six ells of

cloth, though he knows very well that my credit is as good as the

bank, and that no one could say he ever lost anything by me. Are

not you delighted with the outlandish monster? He has no

objection to getting people of fashion on his books. He had

rather toss up heads or tails with them, than oblige a plain

citizen in an honest way, and be paid in full at the time

appointed. What a strange whim! But he is an infernal Jew. He

will be taken in some day or other! All the merchants on the

Exchange are lying in wait to catch him upon the hip; and his

disgrace or ruin will be nuts to me.

While this reptile of the warehouse was thus spitting his spite

and blurting out many other ill-natured innuendoes, there came

over me a sort of astrological anticipation that I should be lord

of the ascendant over this Samuel Simon. My friend, said I to the

man who was complaining against that hawker of damaged goods, of

what character is the strange fellow you are talking about? Of a

confoundedly bad character, answered he in a pet, Depend on it,

he is one of the most extortionate usurers in existence, though

with the affectation of not letting his left hand know what his

right gives away in charity. He was a Jew, and has turned

Catholic; but rip your way into his heart if he has any, and you

will find him still as inveterate a Jew as ever Pilate was. As

for his conversion it was all in the way of trade.

I took in with greedy ear the whole invective of the shopkeeping

declaimant, and failed not, on coming out of the eating-house, to

inquire for Samuel Simon’s residence. A person directed me to the

part of the town, and there was no difficulty in finding out the

house. It was not enough to skim my eye cursorily over his shop.

I peered into every hole and corner of it; and my imagination,

always on the alert when any profit is to be picked up, has

already engendered a rogue’s trick, which only waits the period

of gestation, when it may turn out a bantling not unworthy to be

fathered by the sanctimonious servant of Signor Gil Blas.

Straightway went I to the ready-made warehouse, where I bought

these dresses, into which we may stuff an inquisitor, a notary,

and an alguazil, and play the parts in the spirit of the solemn

offices they represent.

Ah! my dear Ambrose, interrupted Don Raphael, transported with

rapture at the suggestion, what a wonderful idea! a glorious

scheme indeed! I am quite jealous of the contrivance. Willingly

would I blot out the proudest quarter from my escutcheon, to have

owned an effort of genius so transcendent. Yes, Lamela, I see, my

friend, all the rich invention of the design, and you need be at

no loss for instruments to carry it into effect. You want two

good actors to play up to you; and you have not far to look for

them. You have yourself a face that can look sanctified,

magisterial, or blood-thirsty at will, and may do very well to

represent the inquisition. My character shall be that of the

notary; and Signor Gil Blas, if he pleases, may enact the

alguazil. Thus are the persons of the drama distributed: to-morrow we will play the piece, and I will pledge myself for its

success, bating one of those unlucky chance medleys, which turn

awry the currents of the most pithy and momentous enterprises.

As yet Don Raphael’s masterpiece of roguery had made but a clumsy

impression on my plodding brain; but the argument of the fable

was developed at supper-time, and the hinge upon which it turned

was, to my mind, of an ingenious contrivance. After having

despatched part of our game, and bled our bottle to the last

stage of evacuation, we stretched our length upon the grass, and

soon fell fast asleep. Up with you! up with you! was the alarum

of Signor Ambrose, as the day begun to dawn. People who have a

great enterprise on hand ought not to indulge themselves in

indolence. A plague upon you, master inquisitor, said Don

Raphael, rubbing his eyes, you are confounded early on the move!

It is as good as an order for execution to master Samuel Simon.

Many a true word is spoken in jest, replied Lamela. Nay, you

shall know more, added he with a sarcastic grin. I dreamt last

night that I was plucking the hairs out of his beard. Was not

that a left-handed dream for him, master secretary? These

pleasant hits were followed by a thousand others, which called

forth new bursts of merriment. Our breakfast passed off with the

utmost gaiety; and when it was over, we made our arrangements for

the pageant we had got up. Ambrose arrayed himself in sables, as

befitted so ghostly an instrument for the suppression of vice. We

also took to our official habits; nor has the dignity of

magistracy been often more gravely represented than by Don

Raphael and myself. The making up of our persons was rather a

tedious operation; for it was later than two o’ clock in the

afternoon when we sallied from the wood to attend our call at

Xelva. It is true, there was no hurry, since the play was not to

begin till the setting-in of the evening. That being the case, we

jogged on leisurely, and stopped at the gates of the town till

the day was closed.

At that eventful hour, we left our horses where they were, to the

care of Don Alphonso, who was very well satisfied to have so

humble a cast in the distribution. As for Don Raphael, Ambrose,

and myself, our first visit was not to Samuel Simon in person,

but to a tavern-keeper who lived very near him. His reverence the

inquisitor walked foremost. In went he to the bar; and said

gravely to the landlord: Master, I want to speak a word with you

in private. The obsequious publican shewed us into a room, where

Lamela, now that we had got him to ourselves, said: I have the

honour to be an unworthy member of the holy office, and am come

here on a business of very great importance. At this intimation,

the man of liquor turned pale, and answered in a tremulous tone

that he was not conscious of having given any umbrage to the holy

inquisition. True, replied Ambrose with encouraging affability;

neither do we meditate any harm against you. Heaven forbid, that

august tribunal, too hasty in its punishments, should make no

distinction between guilt and innocence. It is unrelenting, but

always just: to become obnoxious to its vengeance, you must have

earned its displeasure by wickedness or contumacy. Be satisfied

therefore that it is not you who bring me to Xelva, but a certain

dealer and chapman, by name Samuel Simon. A very ugly story about

him has come round to us. He is still a Jew in his heart, they

say; and has only embraced Christianity from sordid and secular

motives. I command you, in the name of the tremendous court I

represent, to tell me all you know about that man. Beware how you

are induced by good neighbourhood, or possibly by close

friendship, to gloss over and palliate his errors; for, I warn

you authoritatively, if I detect the slightest prevarication in

your evidence, you are yourself even as one of the abandoned and

accursed. Where is my secretary? pursued he, turning down towards

Don Raphael. Sit down and do your duty.

Mr Secretary, with his paper already in his hand and his pen

behind his ear, took his seat most pompously, and made ready to

take down the landlord’s deposition; who promised solemnly on his

part not to suppress one tittle of the real fact. So far, so

good! said the worshipful commissioner; we have only to proceed

in our examination. You will only just answer my questions; but

do not interlard your replies with any comments of your own. Do

you often see Samuel Simon at church? I never thought of looking

for him, said the drawer of corks; but I do not know that I ever

saw him there in my life. Very good! cried the inquisitor. Write

down that the defendant never goes to church. I do not say so,

your worship, answered the landlord, I only say that I never

happened to see him there. We may have been at church together

and yet not have come across each other. My good friend, replied

Lamela, you forget that you are deposing to facts, and not

arguing. Remember what I told you; contempt of court is a heinous

offence. You are to give a sound and discreet evidence; every

iota of what makes against him, and not a word in his favour, if

you knew volumes. If that is your practice, O upright and

impartial judge, resumed our host, my testimony will scarcely be

worth the trouble of taking. I know nothing about the tradesman

you are inquiring after; and therefore can tell neither good nor

harm of him: but if you wish to examine into the history of his

private life, I will run and call Gaspard, his apprentice, whom

you may question as much as you please. The lad comes and takes

his glass here sometimes with his friends. Bless us, what a

tongue! He will rip up