Big and Beautiful by Cassidy Shay (read ebook pdf txt) 📕

At nine years old, I discovered that I would soon have a baby brother. Shortly before my tenth birthday, my little brother was born three months premature. Weighing only 3 lbs. and 7 oz., he was sent to the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at St. Luke's Hospital for two months after he was born. When he was able to come home, he learned quickly and developed swiftly, without any of the defects that the doctors had suspected might arise. Looking at him now, you wouldn't ever guess that his first months were similar this:

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As the doctor holds me up, I’m frustrated and crying. Arms flailing and legs kicking, I think about all the time I was kept in that small, crowded place, when I could have been out here in this big, beautiful world. All too soon, my temporary freedom is gone. Tubes and monitors are hooked up to me, I’m placed on a scale, and eventually, taken into a warm, bright incubator. I catch a glimpse of my mother’s face before I leave. Exhausted, she’s closing her eyes. She will come by to see me later, of that I’m sure.
Within a couple days, I’ve got my own space here in the NICU at St. Luke’s Hospital. I have pictures of my older brother and two sisters staring at me all day. They seem pretty nice, but it doesn’t look like they’ll want to play with me that much. Too old, I guess. I’m still not sure why I don’t get to meet then yet, but I’ll just have to wait. I might even pee on my brother’s picture while I’m waiting. I still have these pesky tubes, wires, and monitors hooked up to me. They are such a nuisance. But if I can… just… reach my foot up and… There! That pesky tube in my nose won’t be bothering me any more!
Every day, Mommy comes in to see me. Sometimes, she’s allowed to hold me, to cradle me in her cool, pale arms. Sometimes, but not as often as Mommy, Daddy comes in as well. I’ve met Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Papa, Aunt Robin, Uncle Derek, and heard of many others. I still haven’t met those siblings, though. I wonder what’s taking them so long.
Doctors and nurses come in all day, checking the wires and monitors, always making sure they aren’t loose. Beeps and low hums are what I fall asleep to and what I wake up to. Maybe this big world isn’t as beautiful as I though. Think I should have stayed in that small place longer?
I have a new neighbor now. His name is Connor, and we have a special way of talking so that our parents and the doctors can’t understand. We are both hooked up to blood pressure monitors that make noises when the pressure’s off. We have our own code, and no one’s figured it out yet. We talk about many things… The annoying things that the doctors insist on checking every day, and we talk of our homes and families that we can’t wait to meet.
Days and weeks go by. Finally, after almost two months, I’m lifted out of my bed and carried down the hall that I haven’t seen since my first day here. The big glass doors open automatically, and I see three familiar figured standing just on the other side. It takes me a minute to place them, but I realize that these are my siblings. The ones I’ve heard so much about, but never seen. I try to reach out, and the older sister places her finger inside my palm. As I grip her finger, I realize that this is an entirely different world than the one I’ve been living in so far.
Only a couple more days go by, and I’m placed in a car seat for an entire hour. The nurses call it a test, but I haven’t figured out what it is I’m being tested on. It doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep.
I wake up when someone starts carrying the car seat. Down a hallway, into an elevator, and into the lobby. Down a small flight of stairs, out a big, revolving door, and into the cool, April morning air. I look around and decide that this really is a big and beautiful world, and it all belongs to me.

Text: Cassie Hoene
Publication Date: 05-06-2011

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