Longing by Arianna Baum (guided reading books .txt) 📕

“Ian please think about what you’re doing!” Liz screamed as he neared the edge. Come to think of it I have no idea where we are!
“I’m sorry Liz! I’ll always love you.” And with that he fell to his death. The sound of his body hitting the still water beneath me is revolting. To make matters worse I peek over the edge and am surprised to still be able to see his corpse floating a top of the water. I flinch as the once still water conquers up vast wave’s that knock into Ian repeatedly until his once warm body is violently tossed up against the immense rock just beneath the cliff.
Oh god I think. Tears began to drip down my cheeks and into the water below. Sadness washes over me as I stand back up. It’s a few minutes later before I’m able to think again. What am I going to do? My best friend kills himself as I watch! I call the police.
As I wait for them to fish his body out of the ocean I have time to think. What are they going to do? I’ve already gone through extensive questioning over and over again. What do they think? Did I kill him? I can’t even answer that question myself! If only I could have said yes! Why couldn’t i? I did love him, just not the way he wanted. Did he really kill himself over me? Oh god I was driving myself insane!
I hear the sound of shouting.
“We’ve got parts of him!” a man yells from farther down the coast. I’m going to be sick! And with that I start to heave. The vomit smells horrid. I start to slowly walk down the coast careful not to be in the same place as the men who found th-th-the pieces. The heaving starts again and the officer who questioned me drive’s me home.
The second my head hits the pillow I’m gone. Somewhere deep in slumber. I try not to remember the past two days without. In which I am incapable. The dream starts with in the same hour he says those haunting words. The embrace is like a shock. Painful yet pleasing.
“I love you!” he whisper’s in my ear. And with that I pull way. Not knowing what else to do I run. Faster and faster down the beach kicking sand up behind me. The faster I run the better I began to feel. I decide to look back and see he hasn’t moved from the spot where he held me in his arms. The expression on his face leaves me with a vile feeling as I see the tear trickle down the side of his face. I instantly began to feel rotten knowing I hurt him. My stomach churns as I see him slowly turn his back to me. The simple act brings tears to my eyes. I instantly try to think of something to reassure him anything at all but my mouth seems to have stopped working. Knowing now that running was the most childish thing I could have done there I slowly start to make my way back to him but it seems the faster I go the farther he seems to go. My legs feel like they’re made out of lead.
He vanishes. Just like that once there and now gone. I look up at the cliff and see that he was there. I shout wordless things at him.im still screaming even as he hurdles himself off the rim and hit’s the water. This time I choose not to stand here and watch. I start to wade in deeper and deeper and I’m soon swimming. Pushing myself harder and faster with each stroke I take. Soon I reach the spot where he went under. I dive down searching looking around. Even though the salt in the water burns my eyes I push the pain aside and keep searching. His body is nowhere to be found. I recall the words from the man…earlier? We found pieces we found pieces we found pieces we found pieces. What if I found him like that? Soon I spot an object…floating or swimming towards me. Ian passes me. I look over him. Thank god he’s in one piece! The weirdest thing happens next. He says something to me that breaks my heart.
“You killed me!” he says sounding heated.
“NO!” I say. Feeling like the worst person I start to cry again.
“You didn’t love me?” he says sounding like a question I decide not to respond having nothing else to say. I start to swim away. The agony I feel in my in my chest starts to throb. I feel like I’m running out of breath. I start to panic when I feel something wrap around my ankle. I look back to find Ian not there. The pull at my ankle drags me under. I open my eyes once fully under water. Looking around I see the faces of loved ones I’ve lost. My parents, my grandmother, Ian. The faces of the dead surround me as I drift farther down. The twinge I began to feel in my lungs reminds me of my need to breathe. I kick free of the hold on my ankle and push through the faces of the dead. The time my head surfaces a large wave takes me back under. The same thing happens as I continue to try to breathe. I began to feel the pull on my ankle. In the heist of all the panic I’m thrown against the large rocks again and again. I began to drift in thought as I sink farther down. Thinking of all the faces I saw remembering each last moment I’ve had with them. The fire, oh god the fire. My parents already in body bags when I return home. I can’t think about that know as I fight for my life. I decide to not think anymore. I’ve run out of strength all the adrenaline gone. I decide to just fade away.
I awake in the middle of the night. My pillows soaked with tears I cried at night. My heart still racing from the nightmare. I stand up and walk to the bathroom down the hallway. The floor creaked as I tip toed across it trying not to wake Jessica my roommate. Once in the bathroom I turn then close and locked it. The sink in the bathroom seemed too loud when I turned it on. Ooh well I think as I splash water against my face trying to clear away any signs of the tears. The knock on the door had me nearly jump out of my skin.
“What?” I ask. My voice sounding tired.
“Sorry just checking to see if you’re alright.” She says sounding sad. She had known Ian to, not as well as I did but they were close. I could tell by her voice she had been crying. I still couldn’t tell if she blamed me for his death or not. I was too afraid that the answer would be yes if I asked.
“I’m fine.” I say in response. I leave the bathroom in a hurry hoping she didn’t see my speedy escape. Once I’m back in my room I check to see how wet the pillow was and decide it’s useless so I toss it to the corner of my room telling myself I’ll clean it tomorrow. I lie back down and close my eyes hoping to not have another dream like the last one. By now it’s almost impossible to fall back into sleep. I roll over and check my alarm clock. Three thirty-seven. Three an another half hours sleep and I need to go to work. Working an old bar isn’t as fun as it sounds. No wait it doesn’t even sound fun, me and… Ian used to have the same shift so the pain was dulled as we worked fourteen hours daily working from eight in the morning till ten at night was exhausting. Just thinking about it made me regret the coming hours.
The buzzing wouldn’t stop. I peeled my eyes open one at a time. Alarm clock. I rolled over trying to swat at it. Finally I stood up and turned it off. That can’t be right! The digital numbers read eight twenty-two! Crap I’m going to be so late. I ran to the bathroom and turned my straightener on. Washing my face and brushing my teeth at the same time to speed up the process. The straightener started to smoke as I ran it through my hair. Mascara was the last step besides clothes. Brushing over my already dark lashes making them seems so long. I grabbed some clothes and ran out the door. Running into the old musty bar was the last thing I wished to especially since there were signs of Ian everywhere. His image haunting me everywhere I go.
“There she is!” Marcy exclaimed sounding so relieved. “You owe me.” She whispered as she walked by me and out the front door. And my shift began. Men asking for drinks, women complaining and talking about their problems. Ughh would never end? My night perked up as a striking young man walked in and sat down right across from me.
“Scotch on the rocks.” He said in his rich voice.
“Alrighty.” I say perking up because my shift Is almost over. Last one!
“…and your number please.” He says from across the counter eyeing me like im some sort of candy. A blonde lady from across the bar spots him and comes to make her move.
“Hey sweet thang, what can I buy you?” she says in her fake southern accent. I scoff at her attempt to get his attention when he clearly doesn’t want her company. I wait to her what his response will be.
“Actually I’m waiting for someone.” He says with displeasure in his voice.
“Really?” the blonde asked like she didn’t believe him.
“Yes now if you could be so kind as to move!” he practically yells at her. The blonde gets up and almost runs back to her friends who were hysterical by now. I laugh quietly to myself.
“Where’s my drink?” he asked using the same annoying tone. I shot him a dirty look and gazed at the clock. I shot him a devilish smile and told him where to stick it! Shift was over and I was free to drink!
“Hey!” he bellowed at me as I walked away with a drink in my hand. He got up from where he was at and grabbed hold of my shoulder.
“I’m off the clock.” I tell him as I try to walk away. But he just won’t let go! So turn around and kick him where I know it’ll hurt. He stumbles back in shock that I would do such a thing. I start to walk away again and make it out of the club before he and his buddy’s ambush me in an alley way behind the bar. Still with the drink in my hand I’m backed up against one of the grungy walls. The place reek’s almost as bad as the man’s breathe who thinks he can play with the end of my shirt. I let the drink fly as his filthy hand work their way up my back. Another man walks into the alley. Great I think another to put me out of my misery.
“Hey lowlifes can’t you get any willingly?” the new guy asks.
“Back off parker she’s already pissed us off.” The one with the horrid breathe says. And in the blink of an eye the fight begins.