A Burning Soul by Serena.1 (the reading list .txt) 📕

*What is death like* I asked myself as I sat in my bath tub that night with a razor in
my right hand and my left arm extended in front of my chest. *I defiantly didn’t know, but it has to be better than what I’m going through. Better than my life here on this Earth. I’m eighteen and trapped!* My head screamed and ached. So many thoughts ran through it and I couldn't control what they were.

I grew up depending on my self. My family was to wrapped up in there own problems to pay any attention to me. My mom couldn’t keep a job, so she gave up on that when I was thirteen and she started spending her time in old run down bars drinking the day away. She would home drunker than a truck driver. She would greet us a good evening but she was so drunk that every word that came out of her mouth was so slurred none of use understood her, it was like a foreign language that was not to be deciphered.

My dad wasn’t a drunk or a drug addict like my mother, but he was abusive and a control freak. Nothing ever good comes from being abusive and a control freak. Both the abuser and the one getting abused can tell you that. My father is unloved by all of us, we don't give a horse's ass about him, and we get the downside of all of my father's anger. If he doesn't love us why should we love him. You have to give to receive. I'm cover in bruises of all sort from head to toe I'm surprised people haven't noticed.

I have two siblings. Karmen, my older sister, and Balthazar my younger brother of fifteen but there another detail I'll tell later when I thinks it's important. Right now it's about me.

I was alone that night dad was working late and wouldn't be home until almost midnight. Mom was out at another bar getting drunk for the second time to day, and Karmen and Balthazar are up to whatever they do every evening . Proabably creating havoc somewhere, but I didn't care. I'm actually happy to be alone with no one around. I can think that way. Okay, don't get me wrong I'm a loner (The Lone Wolf). I have one friend and my family hates me, but I love being own.

I sat in the tub and laid the razor down on the rim of the tub and turn the water on straight hot. The way I like it then I sighed and reached over and picked up the razor again. Placing it firmly against my waist. I knew what I was about to do and I was okay with it. I slid the razor across my wrist a trail of blood following behind. Instead of feeling pain a sudden rush of instint relief cover me like a pretective blanket but my problems weren't completely gone and I knew it to well.

Blood dripped from my wrist and hit the water, turning tge water pink as the blood mix with water then disappeared completely. I placed the razor against my wrist again right of above her last cut and slid it across my waist.

The water the tub began to turn red because the water wasn't very high yet and I was losing quite a bit of blood. Finally, my goal was achieved as tears began to run down my face. She was finally able to cry after months on end. Months of holding all of her emotions and problems inside hiding away from the outside world.

When, I slid the razor across my wrist for the third and blood began to pour from that cut. my head began to spin and spin. I tried to get out of the tub-the water had gone cold-but she was to weak and fell back down into the water with a loud splash. That's when I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, but my mind hadn't someone had knock on my door, and now that person was standing in front me.

I tired to put faces with faces but this one I didn't recognize. I knew that I knew this person but for some reason I couldn't put my finger on it.

“Miranda?!” I heard the person call my name right before I black out and everything when dark.

“Who are you?” I asked the figure that stood in front.

“ Who know exactly who I am?” The figured replied

“No I don't I have never seen you before. Where I'm I. Am I dead?”

“Miranda your not dead. You here because you just put yourself in danger, you nearly killed yourself.”

“Well, no offense- what ever your name is- but if you haven't noticed thats what I was trying to achieve.”

“Well Miranda. I hate to burst your bubble but is not time for you to die yet.”

“How the hell do you know my name?” I asked, “And whats your's”

“You know my name? Think about it?”

I thought about it for a few minutes and then suddenly the name came me but I said like a question. “Corrina?”

“I told you. You knew it.” She chuckled

“Yeah but how did I know that. I have never see you before.”

“ That's because I'm you?”

“What the hell do you mean.” I said in an angry tone even though I was trying to keep my cool.
It didn't work. I was angry. Who was this girl? Why is she really here other than to bug me to death, and what did she mean by “that's because I'm you.”

“Miranda stop acting like you don't have a brain and use it for once in your life?” She snapped, apparently she didn't like the mood I was given her, but she was going to have to deal because I am know where near finished with her. She had no right to come in and tell what to do. I mean who the hell did she think she was? The queen of England. I think not.

“If you haven't notice I use my stinking brain everyday. Your not the know you has to keep up with and rely on yourself to get dinner made everynight and clean the house every weekend or watch you little brother, older sister, and parents who suppose to the ground up and setting the right examples for the the rest of us. And since they can't get there acts together I have to be the adult and I growing sick and tired of it. I want to be a kid while I still can. I'm growing up and I running out of time to be a kid.” I shouted at her. I knew she was going to shout back at me but didn't give a care.

“I understand that, But you need to get it through that puny little brain of yours that you can't do everything yourself. If you try to do everything yourself you'll just get yourself into a heap of trouble that you can't get yourself out of. Your just digging yourself a hole and you just going to dig it deeper and deeper until you have dug it so deep that when you finally realize what you have done it'll be to late and then stuck at the bottom of a dark pit.” By the time she had finished she had lowered her voice back to where she had it originally

I know she was right, but I also knew what I had to do., But I took and deep breath and sighed before I spoke again. “I understand Corrina, But please let me handle my own problems my own way, and I doubt I'll need any help. Oh, yeah, and back to the question I asked you earlier 'What you mean your me?' that I still don't understand”

“Miranda. I'm your mind. Your subconscious. I don't usually take the form for a girl your have a name, but I came to you in this dream. Thats why I'm in human form and the reason I have a name I because I used to sneak my way into your dream all the time when you were little. You kept trying to get rid of me but when you realized you couldn't you gave me the name Corrina, and it just stuck.” She giggled to herself, but I heard her loud and clear and giggled along with her before she said “Miranda this won't be the last me. You'll have know where and when I might pop up, but right now it's time for you to wake up.”

I tired to ask her what she meant by that but she had already vanished before the word even escaped my lips. Now, I heard a different voice calling my name.

“Miranda? Miranda? Wake up hun. You have to wake up now.” The dream began to vanish right behind Corrina, as I rolled over and opened my eyes.

The room was unfamiliar and very very dull. I engulf and white, the most boring color ever. The walls were white the door was white the only two window in the room where white. The sheets on the bed where white and the one lonely vase of flowers was white also. WHITE! Why WHITE!

I must have sat up to fast cause when I did a throbbing pain shot through my head. I moaned in agony and pressed the palm of my hand against my head. I noticed that there where I.V's stuck in my arm.

“Well, well, I'll be. Sleeping beauty's finally wake.” Some said calming. I looked up to see my best friend, Eleanore, sitting on the and of my bed.

“Eleanore? Where am I” I asked trying to concentrate through my throbbing head. My voice sounded weak and my throat Ached when I talked.

“Your in the hospital. If found in the bathroom the