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him. “You’ll have the money soon, right?” Dad’s voice was hushed but I still heard it from the front door as I sat in the living room with that dreaded pony. Uncle Neil was silent. “You can’t keep bumming off me forever, Neil. I can’t keep protecting you.” Dad tried to warn him but he left without a word before Dad could continue.

Things like that kept happening over the years, but as a child I brushed it off; not wanting to worry about the matters of adults. Children don't worry about money, the idea seems so foreign and such an odd concept. My parents always seemed to come up with the money when needed so sometimes I even wondered why they worried at all. I didn't know what you had to do to get the money, I didn't understand work, or selling your stuff, in some cases taking things too far just to get a few 20s here and there. I thought nothing of things like that, my childhood was for the most part innocent. That is, until Uncle Neil had showed up at my 12th birthday party with two other men. The three of them would soon shatter everything I had come to know in life.

I don’t remember the first one well, my brain has learned to push him out of my memory. All I do remember is that he wore a hawaiian shirt that day and he was a balding, middle aged man. The other one I remember in far more detail, despite not wanting to. Much to my dismay over the years, I remember every detail of his face partly just because he was the one who was so close. That dark, merciless face still shows up in my nightmares.

Uncle Neil had introduced me to them but now their names are no longer in my memory. He said they were his friends and they were just there because they all had somewhere else to be after my party. Dad didn’t like it at all that Neil had brought his friends but he said nothing of it.

The party, for the most part, was actually nice. Just like each one before it and each one after. Dad had even gotten a bouncy house that year.

It was only the event after the party that ruined my 12th birthday and would soon ruin more days than that. The whole party Uncle Neil and his friends had been standing off to the side, watching and talking quietly. But they never interacted like my dad and mom did so I quickly paid them no mind. Uncle Neil’s friends had suddenly decided to leave when the party was coming to a close and when the party had ended, only my dad and Uncle Neil were left there. My mom was out shopping and Zoey went to a friend’s house. I was all Dad’s responsibility and in the future he would beat himself up for everything that would happen.

Uncle Neil offered to take me out for ice cream while Dad was cleaning up, Dad was reluctant at first but he seemed so worried with the mess that he agreed after a few minutes. So Uncle Neil picked me up and took me to his car. He started driving. The drive seemed longer than it should have, the ice cream place wasn’t too far from our house. After a few minutes I stopped playing with my toys and looked out the window, we were just passing the ice cream place.

“Uncle, I thought we were getting ice cream.” he frowned when I spoke, as if my voice had reminded me that he had done something wrong. To this day I still think my voice reminded me that I was human, that I was family.

“We’ll get ice cream on the way back, sweetie. My friends want to meet you, you’re a very special girl, you know.” I was too innocent to sense that something was wrong. “Is it because it’s my birthday?” I started to get excited, thinking he had planned some surprise for me. “S-sure…”

Not long after he had said that he turned into an alley that lead to an empty looking warehouse. He parked the car and carried me inside. The two men from before were there. “Hello.” I smiled at them cheerfully, waiting for some hidden birthday gift that wouldn’t come.

Uncle Neil set me down on this dirty, awful mattress, but I tried not to protest in hopes it would get me to my gift quicker. He walked back over to the two men as they counted out money. They handed it over and he looked back at me grimly. Suddenly I didn’t feel as excited, anytime an adult looked like that it never meant anything good. “Alright, just touching remember? We had a deal.” Uncle Neil mumbles to the taller, darker man. “Yeah, yeah. Relax, she’s probably too small for much else so I won’t bother and it’s not like he’ll try, he’s too worried about getting busted.” The man grumbled, nodding to the other man as he put his wallet back in his pocket.

When Uncle Neil was satisfied, he put the money in his pocket and stepped aside for the man to walk up to me. The man kneeled down infront of me and looked me over like I was a dog in a pet store and he was picking from the lot. He grinned this wicked grin. “Nice kid you got, Neil. How’d you manage this one?”

“My brother’s… I needed the money.”

“Don’t you always? Shame you had to reach into the family funds like that.” The man infront of me snickered and takes a step back. “Why don’t you go first, newbie?” He shoves the other man in my direction and cautiously the balding man kneels down infront of me. “H-hello there, little one.” This second man was a lot shier than the first and for a few minutes he just stared at me. Every now and then he would reach out to feel my arm or my neck and the longer time passed the more handsy he got.

Eventually the first man got fed up and pushed the balding man out of his way. “Oh, Jesus Christ. You don’t know what you’re doing at all, let me.” He yanked on my arm and pulled me to my feet. “Lift your arms, kid.” I did as he ordered and in one quick movement my shirt was yanked over my head. Uncle Neil stepped in when the man started undoing my pants. “Hey, what are you doing?” he hovered worriedly behind the man as my pants came undone. “This was part of the deal, Pettitt. You know that.” the man forced me to sit back on the mattress and pulled my pants off.

That’s when I started to panic, my parents had warned me about things like this. This man was a bad person. I looked over at my uncle, who had moved back into the corner of the room. “Uncle, I wanna go home.” I pouted but my protest was quickly shot down. “Just sit still and be quiet and when we’re done here I’ll get you the ice cream I promised you. Okay?” I stared at him for a few minutes but when I was sure he wasn’t budging I reluctantly agreed. Adults always knew best, right?

The man started touching me, at first just in normal spots; like my arms or legs. I didn’t feel comfortable with it like I usually did when my dad would pat me on the shoulder or my mom would take my arm in the store. But I kept still and silent like my uncle had told me to. Until the man started touching my sides and eventually my chest. I knew for certain then that his touches weren’t kind, they had evil intentions behind them.

I squirmed, scooting as far away from him as I could. But he pulled me back and told me to sit still. I did for a few minutes, despite my discomfort. Until the touching kept getting worse and pretty soon I was crying for Uncle Neil to take me home. “Neil, I haven’t even gotten an inch into her underwear yet, shut the kid up.” The man growled at my uncle and reluctantly he moved towards us. “River, I need you to listen to me. Okay? Just sit still for a few more minutes and we’ll get the ice cream, I promise.” he had promised we'd leave and I'd be safe. At that age I was brought up to believe him. To trust him. Because he was family.

I tried to stop crying and sat as still as I could manage. After a few more minutes the man reached the destination he’d been searching for. He put his hand inside my underwear and the instant my skin had contact I squirmed away again.

That had been the last straw for the dark, cruel man. He pulled me back to him and ordered the other man to hold me down. He pulled my underwear off and I tried to get free but of course my efforts were in vain.

I did everything in my power to block out the experience as the two men continued the rough touches. The first man stopped to unbuckle his pants, reaching one hand inside before continuing to touch and probe my body. The other man did the same and they went on with what they were doing for several minutes. I remember squeezing my eyes shut to block out the rest of the world until finally it stopped. The touching stopped, their rough, hot breaths moved away from me and they let me go. I rushed to put my clothes back on and ran back to the car.

Uncle Neil joined me a few minutes later and tried to smile weakly at me. “How about I get you that ice cream now?” his voice came out strained and rough. “I’m not hungry now, I just wanna go home.” I muttered back. He sighed and a few minutes of silence passed. “I need you to do something for me, River… Don’t tell anyone about today. It’ll get us both in a lot of trouble, your parents would be furious. You wouldn’t want that would you?” I remember I had let out a “No.” barely above a whisper just so he would stop talking. “Good, that’s my girl.” He moved to fluff my hair but it no longer held the fondness it did before, now his touch only sickened me.

It happened a few more times, he’d managed to sneak me out of the house once or twice every month. I don’t know what kind of excuses he used but eventually Dad or Mom must have seen through them. They found out what he was doing. The last time it happened he had brought me home and Dad had this look on his face, Mom couldn’t even come out of the bedroom. One small glance at how I looked was all it took for Dad’s assumption to become reality. When he realized what had happened it looked like the very core of him had exploded, that’s how angry he had been.

He’d managed to get a confession out of Uncle Neil and that’s when the cops came out of hiding, they took Uncle Neil away and had to hold Dad back. He was screaming all kinds of things at my uncle, he looked as if he would kill him if the cops weren’t holding them apart. They managed to drag him out of the house and I never saw him again. The word ‘court’ came up and my parents went to the trial but they didn’t make me go, they said I had been through enough. So they kept me home with Zoey. In a few months my uncle was in jail, the money that he got from using me couldn’t help him.

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