Voids Fill Up Differently by Students of IACT (books for students to read txt) 📕

The streets of KL were crowded, people shoving each other, the sound of cars honking and the smell of sweat mixed with luxurious fragrances. I stood outside Chanel, looking at all the dresses I couldn’t afford, I felt a tear roll down my face.

I strolled back to my tiny flat, I passed a row of shops on the way back. I saw a cafe that reminded me of the Good Batch, the scent of the coffee and the similarity of the interior made me feel like I was me again for a split second. I saw a poster on the glass panel, “Now Hiring”, it read. It’s no modelling agency but I needed the money. I walked into the cafe, the little bell above the door rang, turning the baristas and waiters’ attention to me, “Hi, you guys are hiring?” I asked politely. The barista handed me a form and a pen from under the counter, “fill that up” he said. I sat on the edge of the chair as I filled up the form. When I was done I passed it back to him, he took it without making any eye contact, put it back under the counter and said: “we’ll get back to you”. I left the cafe hoping this “we’ll get back to you” was true, I needed the money but what made me want to be there was how much it reminded me of the Good Batch.

It’s Monday evening, I need to pay rent by tomorrow and The Good Batch hasn’t called me back. I’m nowhere closer to getting money than I was 2 days ago. I looked at my black and pink Chanel dress behind my door. I realized what I had to do. I took it off the hanger, held it close to my chest and took a deep breath in, folded it, put it in my tote and headed out the door. I made my way to a vintage shop I used to shop in. The lady at the counter thought I was there to shop “Natasha! I haven’t seen you in so long!” she said in an excited manner. I smiled while I reached for the dress, “How much would you take this for?” I asked. “That? That’s a  rare piece Natasha, are you sure you want to let it go?” I reluctantly handed it over to her “ Yes, yes I’m sure.” I responded. She told me she’d buy it for RM 14,000 “ I’ll transfer the money over to you once its authenticity has been confirmed.” She assured. “ How soon would that be?” I questioned. “ Should be by tomorrow evening” she stated.

I left the shop with an empty tote filled with nothing but a sense of relief knowing that I’ll be able to make this month and possibly the next few months' rents, possibly even a few new dresses. But I also felt a sense of sorrow, letting go of that dress made me realize that my life is different now. A part of me knew that silk sheets, Chanel dresses and The Good Batch aren’t things of the past, I will have my old life back someday.

Parallel Line

Rachel Chan, Cyndi Lee, Elizabeth Leng, Chian Yee

I could never look straight into those genuine yet hollow eyes. I knew Robert did not want to go through what modern-day society had put him in. I pondered, what else could I do for him when I’m already so close to getting into his shoes. 

Robert was always alone and was never with anyone ever since I've known him up until now. He has always been the one person who was constantly being spurned with scorn and always left behind. As the days go by, life goes on, changes are being made everywhere but Robert... he never changes, neither does others’ unpleasing thoughts of him.

I’m sure Robert never thought that he’d be in the position that he’s in today; nobody would want to be in his shoes. Life is tough being an outcast in society, a rejected individual that is loathed by many with a constant displacement in society. Being special doesn't always mean you’re “sunshine and flowers”.

“Woah, I can’t believe that Robert is still on his damn headphones! We’re right in the middle of a group discussion but he’s just doing his own thing.”

“Yeah, tell me about it, he’s a good-for-nothing punk. It's no wonder why everyone hates him so much! He doesn’t know the time to be serious for work meh?”

“Let it go lah, guys, just leave him be. He’s a lost cause anyway, do you actually think that he’d suddenly go through some sort of a drastic transformation? Just forget about him the next time around and pretend he doesn't exist, okay?”

“Ugh… Whatever...”

The way that people treat him will always remain unchanged. The same goes for when he deals with his situations— nothing changes either. It wasn't just his behaviour but also the pair of vacuous eyes of his, and his same old dark green jacket over his white shirt that's turning yellow. Everything about him was a disgrace, inside and out. Regardless of which direction the clock hands pointed to, people’s opinions of him will never sway.

His attitude towards every single obstacle and challenge he faces in his life will always remain indistinguishable from the one before. How could he always expect someone to reach out and lend a helping hand each time? Despite his behaviour, I’m the only one who understands his actions and behaviour.

Since when did his pathetic life begin? Since the day Robert first entered our classroom? The day we were assigned to our first task? Or since he was brought to this very earth? Well, I guess he couldn’t escape his destined fate. It was all meant to be.

Like an arrow released from its bow, the memories of the past pierced through my mind with an unknown intensity, it brings me back to our primary school life.

*School bell rings*

Robert and I were walking through the bustling aisle towards our school gate, on the way back to our home, or as we would like to call it, our ‘Comfort Zone’. I've always believed that no one would ever notice us from the beginning of this aisle all the way till the end of it. There would be people passing by glancing at us with despise in their eyes, it’ll soon disappear too. I often acted as if nothing was on my mind and I didn’t care about the look in their eyes. The truth is that I cared a lot more than anyone could ever imagine. I dreamt of being a part of that group of teenagers racing down the track field recklessly with the wind in my hair. I admired the moments of hearty laughter and grieving tears in between every friendship. I would even be envious of the moment as simple as deciding the flavour of the bubble milk tea with a group of my closest friends. I just wanted to have an ordinary teenage life.

With a sigh, I have to admit the fact that I longed to be like them. To have more profound interactions and conversations with people I wished to be with. Getting along with them and transforming myself to be more admirable in this sea of jubilant people. I have been sick and tired of this forlorn life that no one ever bothered to come across.

“Eh, eh, girls, see, weirdos are meant to be with weirdos”

When will this come to an end?

“Well Belinda, birds of a feather flock together“, “Haha! Dear Giselle, do you want to join the club?”, “What? You mean Robert and Joanna?”

“Sorry pals, I think we are good enough.”

I can hear every single syllable that came out of their mouths. The group of girls with their perfect ponytail and manicured nails. They radiate confidence as they speak those mean, mean words. Every sentence within their conversation has pierced my heart like an arrow that was 6 feet long. I felt humiliated and embarrassed at the same time. All of my life I’ve been categorized as one of a kind with Robert, I often question this situation, yet it was so ridiculously unreasonable because I never attempted to get out of my comfort zone. Speaking of my appearance, I am somewhat on par with Robert. I am used to the humiliations and embarrassment that Robert and I felt. But how long can I withstand it? I would admit that I am indeed a self-contradictory person, but why would I think that I deserved all of these heart-wrenching moments? I need to convince myself that Robert far more deserves to be disgusted by others than I do.

My eyebrows twitched. Then I took a quick glance at Robert. Sometimes I actually thought distancing myself from him. We may look like we have a close relationship with each other, but deep down I know I will never count him as my ‘true friend’. Do I really appreciate his companionship? Or was I afraid of being alone in a world where no one accepts me for who I am?

I feared the thought of that being true. Without Robert, I have nobody to call my own. Besides him, there is no one else who will be rushing towards the canteen thinking of buying me my favourite soy milk while buying a curry mee for himself. Neither will there be another person that can relate to me as a victim of being an outcast. There will also no longer be someone that allows me to express my emotions freely. Frankly speaking, our relationship was based on our fear of being alone, rather than the true meaning of friendship.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Robert swiftly adjusted his headsets’ position. It seems like he did not notice what is happening out here. Well, forget about it, Joanna. What is Robert capable of even if he did notice? Nobody ever really cares about his feelings.

As soon as we reached our school gate, Robert turned his head to me. I thought he would appreciate my decision of choosing him as my partner for our latest geography project. He should be really grateful for that instead of taking it for granted. It was not expected that he only left me a sentence, “Okay, see you, friend”.

I folded my arms, eyebrows furrowed. What kind of answer were you expecting from him, Joanna? You should realise that you will never receive gratitude from a person that is utterly full of himself. There were countless moments of me hearing the voice swirling in my mind, whispering “ Has he ever attempted to befriend others?”

Oh wait, I could recall one.

Robert attempted to befriend the most easy-going person in our class, that adorable and popular girl with short hair, sitting at the second row, Abby. Abby was the girl that always got compliments about her eyes. They were like twin pools of silver, that shone like moonlight on the lake. He thought that he had a chance to befriend this luminous gemstone. So he decided to approach Abby. He left his seat, walked towards her direction, and randomly whispered to her ear, “I will always keep my eyes on you, Abby”. He then returned back to our