The Complete Works of William Shakespeare by William Shakespeare (moboreader .TXT) 📕

FALSTAFF. Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a limekiln.

MRS. FORD. Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one day find it.

FALSTAFF. Keep in that mind; I’ll deserve it.

MRS. FORD. Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind.

ROBIN. [Within] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here’s Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.

FALSTAFF. She shall not see me; I will ensconce me behind the arras.

MRS. FORD. Pray you, do so; she’s a very tattling woman.

[FALSTAFF hides himself]

Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN

What’s the matter? How now!

MRS. PAGE. O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You’re sham’d, y’are overthrown, y’are undone for ever.

MRS. FORD. What’s the matter, good Mistress Page?

MRS. PAGE. O well-a-day, Mistress Ford, having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!

MRS. FORD. What cause of suspicion?

MRS. PAGE. What cause of suspicion? Out upon you, how am I mistook in you!

MRS. FORD. Why, alas, what’s the matter?

MRS. PAGE. Your husband’s coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that he says is here now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence. You are undone.

MRS. FORD. ‘Tis not so, I hope.

MRS. PAGE. Pray heaven it be not so that you have such a man here; but ‘tis most certain your husband’s coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. I come before to tell you. If you know yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amaz’d; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.

MRS. FORD. What shall I do? There is a gentleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame as much as his peril.

I had rather than a thousand pound he were out of the house.

MRS. PAGE. For shame, never stand ‘you had rather’ and ‘you had rather’! Your husband’s here at hand; bethink you of some conveyance; in the house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceiv’d me! Look, here is a basket; if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking, or-it is whiting-time-send him by your two men to Datchet Mead.

MRS. FORD. He’s too big to go in there. What shall I do?

FALSTAFF. [Coming forward] Let me see ‘t, let me see ‘t. O, let me see ‘t! I’ll in, I’ll in; follow your friend’s counsel; I’ll in.

MRS. PAGE. What, Sir John Falstaff! [Aside to FALSTAFF]

Are these your letters, knight?

FALSTAFF. [Aside to MRS. PAGE] I love thee and none but thee; help me away.-Let me creep in here; I’ll never-

[Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen]

MRS. PAGE. Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men, Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight!

MRS. FORD. What, John! Robert! John! Exit ROBIN

Re-enter SERVANTS

Go, take up these clothes here, quickly; where’s the cowl-staff? Look how you drumble. Carry them to the laundress in Datchet Mead; quickly, come.

Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS

FORD. Pray you come near. If I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it. How now, whither bear you this?

SERVANT. To the laundress, forsooth.

MRS. FORD. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it?

You were best meddle with buck-washing.

FORD. Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck!

Buck, buck, buck! ay, buck! I warrant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall appear. [Exeunt SERVANTS with basket] Gentlemen, I have dream’d tonight; I’ll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys; ascend my chambers, search, seek, find out. I’ll warrant we’ll unkennel the fox.

Let me stop this way first. [Locking the door] So, now uncape.

PAGE. Good Master Ford, be contented; you wrong yourself too much.

FORD. True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen, you shall see sport anon; follow me, gentlemen. Exit EVANS. This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.

CAIUS. By gar, ‘tis no the fashion of France; it is not jealous in France.

PAGE. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. Exeunt EVANS, PAGE, and CAIUS

MRS. PAGE. Is there not a double excellency in this?

MRS. FORD. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or Sir John.

MRS. PAGE. What a taking was he in when your husband ask’d who was in the basket!

MRS. FORD. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.

MRS. PAGE. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same strain were in the same distress.

MRS. FORD. I think my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff’s being here, for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now.

MRS. PAGE. I Will lay a plot to try that, and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff. His dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine.

MRS. FORD. Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water, and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment?

MRS. PAGE. We will do it; let him be sent for tomorrow eight o’clock, to have amends.

Re-enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS

FORD. I cannot find him; may be the knave bragg’d of that he could not compass.

MRS. PAGE. [Aside to MRS. FORD] Heard you that?

MRS. FORD. You use me well, Master Ford, do you?

FORD. Ay, I do so.

MRS. FORD. Heaven make you better than your thoughts!

FORD. Amen.

MRS. PAGE. You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

FORD. Ay, ay; I must bear it.

EVANS. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!

CAIUS. Be gar, nor I too; there is no bodies.

PAGE. Fie, fie, Master Ford, are you not asham’d? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not ha’

your distemper in this kind for the wealth of Windsor Castle.

FORD. ‘Tis my fault, Master Page; I suffer for it.

EVANS. You suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is as honest a omans as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too.

CAIUS. By gar, I see ‘tis an honest woman.

FORD. Well, I promis’d you a dinner. Come, come, walk in the Park. I pray you pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you why I have done this. Come, wife, come, Mistress Page; I pray you pardon me; pray heartly, pardon me.

PAGE. Let’s go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we’ll mock him.

I do invite you tomorrow morning to my house to breakfast; after, we’ll a-birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?

FORD. Any thing.

EVANS. If there is one, I shall make two in the company.

CAIUS. If there be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.

FORD. Pray you go, Master Page.

EVANS. I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy knave, mine host.

CAIUS. Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart.

EVANS. A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!

Exeunt

SCENE 4.

Before PAGE’S house

Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE

FENTON. I see I cannot get thy father’s love; Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.

ANNE. Alas, how then?

FENTON. Why, thou must be thyself.

He doth object I am too great of birth; And that, my state being gall’d with my expense, I seek to heal it only by his wealth.

Besides these, other bars he lays before me, My riots past, my wild societies;

And tells me ‘tis a thing impossible

I should love thee but as a property.

ANNE.. May be he tells you true.

FENTON. No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!

Albeit I will confess thy father’s wealth Was the first motive that I woo’d thee, Anne; Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value Than stamps in gold, or sums in sealed bags; And ‘tis the very riches of thyself

That now I aim at.

ANNE. Gentle Master Fenton,

Yet seek my father’s love; still seek it, sir.

If opportunity and humblest suit

Cannot attain it, why then-hark you hither.

[They converse apart]

Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and MISTRESS QUICKLY

SHALLOW. Break their talk, Mistress Quickly; my kinsman shall speak for himself.

SLENDER. I’ll make a shaft or a bolt on ‘t; ‘slid, ‘tis but venturing.

SHALLOW. Be not dismay’d.

SLENDER. No, she shall not dismay me. I care not for that, but that I am afeard.

QUICKLY. Hark ye, Master Slender would speak a word with you.

ANNE. I come to him. [Aside] This is my father’s choice.

O, what a world of vile ill-favour’d faults Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year!

QUICKLY. And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you.

SHALLOW. She’s coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father!

SLENDER. I had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can tell you good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress Anne the jest how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle.

SHALLOW. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.

SLENDER. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in Gloucestershire.

SHALLOW. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.

SLENDER. Ay, that I will come cut and longtail, under the degree of a squire.

SHALLOW. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.

ANNE. Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.

SHALLOW. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz; I’ll leave you.

ANNE. Now, Master Slender—

SLENDER. Now, good Mistress Anne—

ANNE. What is your will?

SLENDER. My Will! ‘Od’s heartlings, that’s a pretty jest indeed! I ne’er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.

ANNE. I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?

SLENDER. Truly, for mine own part I would little or nothing with you. Your father and my uncle hath made motions; if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be his dole! They can tell you how things go better than I can. You may ask your father; here he comes.

Enter PAGE and MISTRESS PAGE

PAGE. Now, Master Slender! Love him, daughter Anne-Why, how now, what does Master Fenton here?

You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house.

I told you, sir, my daughter is dispos’d of.

FENTON. Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.

MRS. PAGE. Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.

PAGE. She is no match for you.

FENTON. Sir, will you hear me?

PAGE. No, good Master Fenton.

Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender; in.

Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.

Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER

QUICKLY. Speak to Mistress Page.

FENTON. Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter In such a righteous fashion as I do,

Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manners, I must advance the colours of my love, And not retire. Let me have your good will.

ANNE.