Colors of Joy by Timothy Carstensen (christmas read aloud TXT) 📕

and forward, and yet they were going fast enough to leave them behind.

Jamie weaved side to side like Sean had, and laughed. "This is so SWEET!" he yelled again.

They followed the shoreline around the larger part of the lake, and Sean eventually switched with him again, taking the lead. "This is so awesome! The Kellys are great! I wish we all got foster families as awesome as this one!" When Sean was silent, he remembered the questions about the home, and continued with another. "Why are you wondering about the group home?"

"Well, there's something I have to tell you. I suppose now is as good as ever."

"What is it?" Jamie detected a strange tone, a strange shade, and he tried to figure it out.

"Well, I'm not an orphan." Sean caught himself. "At least, I'm not going to be one for very long." He slowed the jetski down.

"What do you mean? You're not 18 yet."

"No, its... The Kellys are adopting me."

Jamie felt darkness well up in him. "That's..." He struggled. Why would he bring me here then? Why would he tell me that?

He tried to reconcile his image of Sean as his friend with the swelling shadows that he used to identify those who had families.

"You're wondering why I'm doing all this?" He paused. "Because I want to give someone else what they gave me."
Jamie froze. "What? No!" This wasn't right! It wasn't supposed to be like this! He was supposed to prove that he didn't need anybody. He didn't need a family. He didn't need... Who would ever give him a family anyway? He was too old!

"No?" Sean was confused, and his grey confused "No?" rose and spiraled through the shadows rising around Jamie.

Jamie fought. Everything he'd always built up, the bitterness against those who were better off, the bitterness he fed every time he came back from a foster family, every time he waited for another at the home, every time he met someone only to later be avoided by them at school. "It's not fair! It's not supposed to be like this!"

Sean was upset. "I'm sorry. I thought you'd want to." He turned the Jetski back towards the car, and sped back.

Jamie struggled. Everything he'd built up led to him fighting this. Nobody could ever adopt him, nobody could ever befriend him, nobody could ever want to help him. He had to prove that he could do it on his own. That was how it had always been. He felt Seans frustration in front of him, and realized that he had been befriended. He remembered Sean, and later Mrs. Kelly, asking him what color their voices were. He remembered Sean wanting him to share the weekend with them. He muffled a scream, a gutteral yell from the pit of his soul that spread out black, but slowly lightened. It was different now. It was all wrong. Somebody had befriended him, had wanted to help him, had wanted him to be a part of their lives. His fight was over.

He yelled again, agonizingly, and they drew in close enough for the Kellys to see them, but not close enough for them to hear the boys. "Wait," Jamie said, and Sean slowed down. Sean didn't turn around, but he could see the colors of the pain that Sean was muffling.

He fought, he struggled. Everything he had built up to keep him going, everything he had struggled for, he overturned it in his mind. He struggled, and it showed as a tear ran down his face from his eyes, shut hard. He grunted, and panted, opening his eyes. He could have a second chance. He could start over. He clung to Sean. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." His face ran wet with pain, but he forced the black to flee from him with the water from his eyes.

Sean sighed, then slowed the jetski. He spun half around, keeping his right hand on the handlebar, his eyes shining. "It's ok." He grabbed Jamie with his left hand, and held him tight. "I'm sorry," Jamie repeated, and Sean cut him off. "It's ok."

"Can I still..." Sean interrupted him. "Of course." Jamie broke down, but eventually composed himself. Every tear he'd shed before brought flashes of painful orange, but now, they were pale yellow, a soothing yellow that brought him comfort, cheer, gladness... He began laughing at this even in his tears, and sean began as well, as he turned to the controls. Jamie hung on, as Sean sped towards land, and Jamie laughed, laughed hard. The colors of the laughter shined and glistened in the wind, pale yellow mixed with gold and green, lime green, but they combined and sparked a dozen shades, a cacophany of colors rising and falling behind them, too beautiful for Jamie to recognize. He realized everything he'd worked for, everything he'd built himself up for was over, there was a new adventure now. He knew it would still be a long time before the Kelly family was together, and even when it was, there would be a lot more pain and a lot more trouble before he could feel this way again, but even now, he knew that he was happy, and he would have never had this happiness otherwise. He was greater than happy, he was ecstatic, he was blissfull he was...

And he recognized the colors finally. They were colors he couldn't remember seeing before, but he now knew what they were, and he knew he would see them again. They replaced the darkness he'd harbored inside of him for so long, and escaped with his laughter. They were the colors of joy, and no matter how much pain and hardship he would feel from this point on, he knew he would see them again and again.

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Publication Date: 08-17-2011

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