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I would it were.

APEMANTUS. What wouldst thou have to Athens?

TIMON. Thee thither in a whirlwind. If thou wilt, Tell them there I have gold; look, so I have.

APEMANTUS. Here is no use for gold.

TIMON. The best and truest;

For here it sleeps and does no hired harm.

APEMANTUS. Where liest a nights, Timon?

TIMON. Under that’s above me.

Where feed’st thou a days, Apemantus?

APEMANTUS. Where my stomach. finds meat; or rather, where I eat it.

TIMON. Would poison were obedient, and knew my mind!

APEMANTUS. Where wouldst thou send it?

TIMON. To sauce thy dishes.

APEMANTUS. The middle of humanity thou never knewest, but the extremity of both ends. When thou wast in thy gilt and thy perfume, they mock’d thee for too much curiosity; in thy rags thou know’st none, but art despis’d for the contrary. There’s a medlar for thee; eat it.

TIMON. On what I hate I feed not.

APEMANTUS. Dost hate a medlar?

TIMON. Ay, though it look like thee.

APEMANTUS. An th’ hadst hated medlars sooner, thou shouldst have loved thyself better now. What man didst thou ever know unthrift that was beloved after his means?

TIMON. Who, without those means thou talk’st of, didst thou ever know belov’d?

APEMANTUS. Myself.

TIMON. I understand thee: thou hadst some means to keep a dog.

APEMANTUS. What things in the world canst thou nearest compare to thy flatterers?

TIMON. Women nearest; but men, men are the things themselves. What wouldst thou do with the world, Apemantus, if it lay in thy power?

APEMANTUS. Give it the beasts, to be rid of the men.

TIMON. Wouldst thou have thyself fall in the confusion of men, and remain a beast with the beasts?

APEMANTUS. Ay, Timon.

TIMON. A beastly ambition, which the gods grant thee t’ attain to!

If thou wert the lion, the fox would beguile thee; if thou wert the lamb, the fox would eat thee; if thou wert the fox, the lion would suspect thee, when, peradventure, thou wert accus’d by the ass. If thou wert the ass, thy dulness would torment thee; and still thou liv’dst but as a breakfast to the wolf. If thou wert the wolf, thy greediness would afflict thee, and oft thou shouldst hazard thy life for thy dinner. Wert thou the unicorn, pride and wrath would confound thee, and make thine own self the conquest of thy fury. Wert thou bear, thou wouldst be kill’d by the horse; wert thou a horse, thou wouldst be seiz’d by the leopard; wert thou a leopard, thou wert german to the lion, and the spots of thy kindred were jurors on thy life. All thy safety were remotion, and thy defence absence. What beast couldst thou be that were not subject to a beast? And what beast art thou already, that seest not thy loss in transformation!

APEMANTUS. If thou couldst please me with speaking to me, thou mightst have hit upon it here. The commonwealth of Athens is become a forest of beasts.

TIMON. How has the ass broke the wall, that thou art out of the city?

APEMANTUS. Yonder comes a poet and a painter. The plague of company light upon thee! I will fear to catch it, and give way. When I know not what else to do, I’ll see thee again.

TIMON. When there is nothing living but thee, thou shalt be welcome. I had rather be a beggar’s dog than Apemantus.

APEMANTUS. Thou art the cap of all the fools alive.

TIMON. Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon!

APEMANTUS. A plague on thee! thou art too bad to curse.

TIMON. All villains that do stand by thee are pure.

APEMANTUS. There is no leprosy but what thou speak’st.

TIMON. If I name thee.

I’ll beat thee-but I should infect my hands.

APEMANTUS. I would my tongue could rot them off!

TIMON. Away, thou issue of a mangy dog!

Choler does kill me that thou art alive; I swoon to see thee.

APEMANTUS. Would thou wouldst burst!

TIMON. Away,

Thou tedious rogue! I am sorry I shall lose A stone by thee. [Throws a stone at him]

APEMANTUS. Beast!

TIMON. Slave!

APEMANTUS. Toad!

TIMON. Rogue, rogue, rogue!

I am sick of this false world, and will love nought But even the mere necessities upon’t.

Then, Timon, presently prepare thy grave; Lie where the light foam of the sea may beat Thy gravestone daily; make thine epitaph, That death in me at others’ lives may laugh.

[Looks at the gold] O thou sweet king-killer, and dear divorce β€˜Twixt natural son and sire! thou bright defiler Of Hymen’s purest bed! thou valiant Mars!

Thou ever young, fresh, lov’d, and delicate wooer, Whose blush doth thaw the consecrated snow That lies on Dian’s lap! thou visible god, That sold’rest close impossibilities, And mak’st them kiss! that speak’st with every tongue To every purpose! O thou touch of hearts!

Think thy slave man rebels, and by thy virtue Set them into confounding odds, that beasts May have the world in empire!

APEMANTUS. Would β€˜twere so!

But not till I am dead. I’ll say th’ hast gold.

Thou wilt be throng’d to shortly.

TIMON. Throng’d to?

APEMANTUS. Ay.

TIMON. Thy back, I prithee.

APEMANTUS. Live, and love thy misery!

TIMON. Long live so, and so die! [Exit APEMANTUS] I am quit. More things like men? Eat, Timon, and abhor them.

 

Enter the BANDITTI FIRST BANDIT. Where should he have this gold? It is some poor fragment, some slender ort of his remainder. The mere want of gold and the falling-from of his friends drove him into this melancholy.

SECOND BANDIT. It is nois’d he hath a mass of treasure.

THIRD BANDIT. Let us make the assay upon him; if he care not for’t, he will supply us easily; if he covetously reserve it, how shall’s get it?

SECOND BANDIT. True; for he bears it not about him. β€˜Tis hid.

FIRST BANDIT. Is not this he?

BANDITTI. Where?

SECOND BANDIT. β€˜Tis his description.

THIRD BANDIT. He; I know him.

BANDITTI. Save thee, Timon!

TIMON. Now, thieves?

BANDITTI. Soldiers, not thieves.

TIMON. Both too, and women’s sons.

BANDITTI. We are not thieves, but men that much do want.

TIMON. Your greatest want is, you want much of meat.

Why should you want? Behold, the earth hath roots; Within this mile break forth a hundred springs; The oaks bear mast, the briars scarlet hips; The bounteous housewife Nature on each bush Lays her full mess before you. Want! Why want?

FIRST BANDIT. We cannot live on grass, on berries, water, As beasts and birds and fishes.

TIMON. Nor on the beasts themselves, the birds, and fishes; You must eat men. Yet thanks I must you con That you are thieves profess’d, that you work not In holier shapes; for there is boundless theft In limited professions. Rascal thieves, Here’s gold. Go, suck the subtle blood o’ th’ grape Till the high fever seethe your blood to froth, And so scape hanging. Trust not the physician; His antidotes are poison, and he slays Moe than you rob. Take wealth and lives together; Do villainy, do, since you protest to do’t, Like workmen. I’ll example you with thievery: The sun’s a thief, and with his great attraction Robs the vast sea; the moon’s an arrant thief, And her pale fire she snatches from the sun; The sea’s a thief, whose liquid surge resolves The moon into salt tears; the earth’s a thief, That feeds and breeds by a composture stol’n From gen’ral excrement-each thing’s a thief.

The laws, your curb and whip, in their rough power Has uncheck’d theft. Love not yourselves; away, Rob one another. There’s more gold. Cut throats; All that you meet are thieves. To Athens go, Break open shops; nothing can you steal But thieves do lose it. Steal not less for this I give you; and gold confound you howsoe’er!

Amen.

THIRD BANDIT. Has almost charm’d me from my profession by persuading me to it.

FIRST BANDIT. β€˜Tis in the malice of mankind that he thus advises us; not to have us thrive in our mystery.

SECOND BANDIT. I’ll believe him as an enemy, and give over my trade.

FIRST BANDIT. Let us first see peace in Athens. There is no time so miserable but a man may be true. Exeunt THIEVES

 

Enter FLAVIUS, to TIMON

 

FLAVIUS. O you gods!

Is yond despis’d and ruinous man my lord?

Full of decay and failing? O monument And wonder of good deeds evilly bestow’d!

What an alteration of honour

Has desp’rate want made!

What viler thing upon the earth than friends, Who can bring noblest minds to basest ends!

How rarely does it meet with this time’s guise, When man was wish’d to love his enemies!

Grant I may ever love, and rather woo Those that would mischief me than those that do!

Has caught me in his eye; I will present My honest grief unto him, and as my lord Still serve him with my life. My dearest master!

TIMON. Away! What art thou?

FLAVIUS. Have you forgot me, sir?

TIMON. Why dost ask that? I have forgot all men; Then, if thou grant’st th’art a man, I have forgot thee.

FLAVIUS. An honest poor servant of yours.

TIMON. Then I know thee not.

I never had honest man about me, I.

All I kept were knaves, to serve in meat to villains.

FLAVIUS. The gods are witness,

Nev’r did poor steward wear a truer grief For his undone lord than mine eyes for you.

TIMON. What, dost thou weep? Come nearer. Then I love thee Because thou art a woman and disclaim’st Flinty mankind, whose eyes do never give But thorough lust and laughter. Pity’s sleeping.

Strange times, that weep with laughing, not with weeping!

FLAVIUS. I beg of you to know me, good my lord, T’ accept my grief, and whilst this poor wealth lasts To entertain me as your steward still.

TIMON. Had I a steward

So true, so just, and now so comfortable?

It almost turns my dangerous nature mild.

Let me behold thy face. Surely, this man Was born of woman.

Forgive my general and exceptless rashness, You perpetual-sober gods! I do proclaim One honest man-mistake me not, but one; No more, I pray-and he’s a steward.

How fain would I have hated all mankind!

And thou redeem’st thyself. But all, save thee, I fell with curses.

Methinks thou art more honest now than wise; For by oppressing and betraying me

Thou mightst have sooner got another service; For many so arrive at second masters

Upon their first lord’s neck. But tell me true, For I must ever doubt though ne’er so sure, Is not thy kindness subtle, covetous, If not a usuring kindness, and as rich men deal gifts, Expecting in return twenty for one?

FLAVIUS. No, my most worthy master, in whose breast Doubt and suspect, alas, are plac’d too late!

You should have fear’d false times when you did feast: Suspect still comes where an estate is least.

That which I show, heaven knows, is merely love, Duty, and zeal, to your unmatched mind, Care of your food and living; and believe it, My most honour’d lord,

For any benefit that points to me,

Either in hope or present, I’d exchange For this one wish, that you had power and wealth To requite me by making rich yourself.

TIMON. Look thee, β€˜tis so! Thou singly honest man, Here, take. The gods, out of my misery, Have sent thee treasure. Go, live rich and happy, But thus condition’d; thou shalt build from men; Hate all, curse all, show charity to none, But let the famish’d flesh slide from the bone Ere thou relieve the beggar. Give to dogs What thou deniest to men; let prisons swallow β€˜em, Debts wither β€˜em to nothing. Be men like blasted woods, And may diseases lick up their false bloods!

And so, farewell

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