How to Become Rich by William Windsor (ebook offline reader .txt) 📕

said Prof. Windsor to a representative of the Times last evening at the Opera-house as they took seats commanding a view of the audience, “if you’ll pay attention I’ll give you some points on matrimony from a phrenological standpoint, illustrated with practical examples from this audience:

“Notice that couple just behind the usher in the middle aisle. The gentleman, as you see, is a brunette, tall, angular, with a prominent Roman nose, and a firm step. He is one of our promising young attorneys, as the papers say. An aggressive executive disposition is written in every line of his face. He is not so noted for legal knowledge as for his ability in handling the facts in the case. Notice his chin, which is rather narrow, round, and projects well forward.”

“What does that signify?”

“An intense desire to love. His affections, like the rest of his character, are aggressive and must find expression. His conjugality is large and he will center all his affections on one beloved object.

  “Now, notice the lady. She has taken the seat beside him, and the average observer would not detect anything wrong, but I can see from here that she does not enjoy his company. There is no compatibility between them, and if they marry they can expect nothing but misery.”

“Upon what evidence do you base these conclusions?”

“Well, her temperament is similar to his, as you will see if you notice her features and complexion; but that isn’t all. Notice her position. The lines of her figure are all inclined away from him. She smiles at his conversation, out of politeness, and is not conscious of the fact that she is betraying her dislike by any act; but she is, nevertheless.

“Now notice that couple over there on the left, three seats back of the one we have just observed. You see the lady is a blonde with a wide forehead and a nose which has a regular curve from the root to the tip. That is what we call the celestial nose, because it is always pointing skyward and serves as a perpetual interrogation point. She can ask more questions between the acts than her companion can answer in a fortnight. Her chin is narrow and pointed, which signifies congenial love and a wealth of affection which she is anxious to bestow on somebody. Her companion, you see, is a semi-brunette with a rather wide head. He is one of our prominent retail merchants and the lady is his fiancée.”

“What are the prospects for their future happiness?”

  “Good. Notice that indentation in the middle of his chin, signifying an intense desire to be loved, a passive form of the passion, but admirably adapted to her equally strong desire to manifest the active form by caresses and endearments. Notice how closely they sit together, the lines of both figures inclining to each other. Why, you couldn’t put a piece of tissue paper between their shoulders. His nose is slightly modeled after the Roman type, and as hers curves the other way the circle of adaptability is complete.”

“Is the nose reliable as an indication of character?”

“Always. Do you see that gentleman on the front seat with the pug nose? Well, his character is equally undeveloped, as his friends will tell you. The shortness of the organ from root to tip signifies a distressing lack of executive ability.

“The lady beside him is much the better man of the two. She has executive force enough for a whole family, and the fact is betrayed by the strong features, large nose, wide head and firmly set jaws and lips.”

“Does the mouth indicate as much character as the nose?”

“Yes, the character is written on every feature. You see that lady on the second row of seats, back of our pug-nosed specimen? When she smiles, her upper lip curls up on one side, and when her countenance is at rest, her upper teeth are slightly exposed. That is the sign of approbativeness, love  of applause, compliments, desire to attract attention, etc. You can see the same element of character in the fact that she inclines her head to one side nearly all the time. Her costume is almost loud. Her voice certainly is, for we have heard it at this distance several times.”

“Approbativeness is not a very desirable element of character, then.”

“That depends upon perversion. In the present instance it is turned to bad account. The young lady is admirably adapted to the stage, and if she would adopt that profession the very faculty of approbativeness would be her most powerful stimulus in ambition to excel.

“Approbativeness is often mistaken for self-esteem. Do you see that gentleman coming down the middle aisle? From his walk you would suppose he owned most of Dallas. He displays a good deal of jewelry and is evidently ‘stuck on himself,’ as the boys say. He is a well-known lawyer of very moderate talent, and the fact is that self-esteem is very low in his organization, as he is very deficient in dignity. That aggressive display is an effort on his part to supply a deficiency of which he is painfully conscious.

“His wife, who accompanies him, is very modest and apparently unassuming in demeanor, but she has plenty of self-esteem and firmness, and the result is that she is the controlling member of the firm. If it were not for her large benevolence and suavity, which makes her a very agreeable woman, he would be  badly henpecked. As it is, she uses more tact than force, but he obeys implicitly, nevertheless.”

“What benefits do you claim, Professor, to result from the practice of phrenology as applied to matrimony?”

“Simply the results of knowledge and observation in any direction. If parties will walk into matrimony blindly, without observing or attempting to discover the signs of character, the result is likely to prove disastrous. It is the old story of ‘buying a pig in a poke,’ to use an ancient Irish expression. In matrimony, as in everything else, the best plan is to make your transaction with your eyes open, and if your eyes are not sufficiently educated to discern the signs of human character, then to avail yourself of professional skill, as you would do in every other department of life.”

SOME PEOPLE YOU MEET.

[From the Atlanta (Ga.) Constitution.]

“Is that my picture, or that of the Three-Dollar Shoe Man, you’re studying so carefully?”

The speaker was a large, fine-looking specimen of American manhood, who walked into The Constitution office yesterday.

A splendid head, placed firmly upon a Grover Cleveland neck, silken, sandy mustache, and side  whiskers cut on the William H. Vanderbilt pattern, and piercing blue eyes, which seemed to look straight through you—these were the striking features of a rather striking face.

Then he introduced himself. It was Professor William Windsor, LL.B., “phrenologist and anthropologist.”

“I have been an active practitioner in my line,” said the Professor, in answer to a question, “for many years now. For some time before that I studied phrenology and practiced law, but in later years I have devoted all my time to the active practice of that which I have now made my profession. This is the first time I have been to Atlanta, though I am very much of a Southerner. I was born in Kentucky, and my father was a Virginian. He made a fortune on the Mississippi during the war, and after that was over he left the river and moved to Wisconsin, where I was educated. I graduated in law at the University of Wisconsin; but as I lived several years in Texas, I consider that I am very much of a Southerner.”

“And as to phrenology?”

“I love it. There is so much to it—so much more than many people imagine. Of course, I am working for money, but above and beyond that is the desire to do good to my fellow-men. How? Why, nobody has a better opportunity of doing good than a conscientious phrenologist, for he can look into a man’s character, into the inmost recesses of his heart, as it were.”

  “Is there anything in palmistry?”

“Oh, yes. There is no reason why character should not be read in any feature. It can be read, I have no doubt, in the feet as well as in the head and the hands, but the trouble would be in getting comparisons. You couldn’t very well ask every man you meet to pull off his shoes, that you might study his feet, but every man studies the character of his neighbor as he reads it in his face. He may say he doesn’t believe in phrenology, but, unconsciously, perhaps, he practices it.”

“You spoke of doing good. Can you give me an instance?”

“Hundreds of them, I am happy to say. By pointing out to people their faults and how to correct them, I know I have done good. This year I was out in Pueblo, Colo., where I had been three years ago. While there, a young man called on me, and brought with him his wife. Upon my last visit I had examined him, and had pointed out several things to him. One was that he was too cautious. He is a young business man, and is one of those fellows who are always afraid to take risks. I told him of this, and then, at his request, told him of the sort of young lady he should marry. Well, he found the girl and married her, and he told me he could point out where he had made seven thousand dollars by following my advice as to risks. That is only one instance; but I believe I have done much good.”

“And anthropology?”

  “That means the study of human nature. In its application it includes man in all his physical, mental and social conditions. Phrenology is the science of the mind—mental philosophy; anthropology is the science of man—human philosophy. I contend that to the proper understanding of these great subjects we must look for the solution of all social problems.”

  STUDY IN ANCIENT SKULLS.

What a Specialist in Cranial Architecture Can Read—The Skulls of the Cliff Dwellers[*] Viewed by the Light of Science and Tapers.

[Denver (Col.) Republican.]

At one of his lectures last week at Warren’s Academy, Professor William Windsor, LL. B., delineated the character of a skull submitted to him by one of the audience. The Professor recognized it instantly as that of one of the Cliff Dwellers, and proceeded to give a description of the individual to whom the skull belonged. A Republican representative who was present, called on Professor Windsor at the Brunswick yesterday.

“The Cliff Dwellers,” said Professor Windsor, “present a most interesting study to the anthropologist. I have examined the collection of relics on Larimer street, and I have here the skull I examined Tuesday evening, as well as two others kindly loaned to me by the proprietors of that collection.”

  “Can you tell anything of the mental characteristics of the wearers of these skulls, Professor?”

“Oh, yes,” said the phrenologist, smiling. “The skull is an absolute index of the character, and, as long as it holds together, is a better monument than ‘storied urn or animated bust’ to those who have the skill to read it. The skulls of these Cliff Dwellers furnish us with much more accurate information than the other relics, concerning their habits and character.

“For example, one of their striking peculiarities is a decided talent for music. Nearly every skull in the collection shows it. After I had remarked this fact to the proprietor of the exhibit, Mr. McLoyd, showed me a very well-preserved fragment of a flute which is in the collection. The skulls of these people, however, bear a more eloquent testimonial to