The Tatler, Volume 1, 1899 by George A. Aitken (best e reader for android txt) 📕

Millamant, all the faults, follies, and affectation of that agreeable tyrant were venially melted down into so many charms and attractions of a conscious beauty." In the theatrical disputes of the times, she adhered to her benefactor Betterton, and continued to perform with applause until 1707, when, on the preference being given to Mrs. Oldfield in a contention between that actress and Mrs. Bracegirdle, she left the stage, except for one night, when she returned with Mrs. Barry to the theatre, and performed Angelica for Betterton's benefit (the performance described in this number). She died in 1748.]

[Footnote 71: Thomas Doggett died in 1721. In 1695 he created the character of Ben in Congreve's "Love for Love." Afterwards he was associated with Steele in the management of Drury Lane Theatre.]

[Footnote 72: D'Urfey's "Modern Prophets" was produced in 1709. Thomas D'Urfey died in 1723, aged 70, leaving Steele a watch and chain, which his friend wore at the funeral. He wrote many plays and songs. See also Nos. 11, 43.]

[Footnote 73: See No. 4.]

[Footnote 74: William, First Earl Cadogan (1675-1726), was an able officer who took a very prominent part in Marlborough's campaigns. In January, 1709, he was made lieutenant-general, and he was dangerously wounded at the siege of Mons. He was appointed Lieutenant of the Tower of London in December.]

[Footnote 75: The news-paragraphs in the earlier numbers of the Tatler are here preserved for the sake of completeness, but for the most part the details recorded are not of permanent interest, and do not call for comment. The reader may be reminded generally that in the spring of 1709 the French, after the battle of Oudenarde and the fall of Lille, followed by a very severe winter, were driven to think of terms of peace. The negotiations, however, fell through for the time, and the campaign was begun in the Netherlands, where Marlborough and Prince Eugene had an army of 110,000 men. The French were entrenched under Villars between Douay and Béthune, and were strengthened by part of the garrison of Tournay. Marlborough seized the opportunity of attacking the half-defended town, which was obliged to surrender on July 29, after a siege of nineteen days. The French then made a great effort, and brought an army of 100,000 men into the field, with the result that the battle of Malplaquet (Sept. 11) was a very bloody and hard-earned victory for the allies. The subsequent fall of Mons brought the campaign to a close.]

[Footnote 76: Marlborough.]

[Footnote 77: A merchant entrusted by Lewis XIV. to negotiate terms of peace with the Dutch.]

[Footnote 78: General Wood played a distinguished part in the battles of Donauwerth (1704) and Ramilies (1706).]

[Footnote 79: See the Introduction.]

[Footnote 80: "A Vindication of Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., against what is objected to him by Mr. Partridge in his Almanack for the present year 1709. By the said Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq., London, printed in the year 1709." (Advertisement in folio issue.) In a pamphlet called "Predictions for the Year 1712. By Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq.; in a Letter to the author of the Oxford Almanack. Printed in the year 1712," this "Vindication" is thus noticed: "I can't but express my resentment against a gentleman who personated me in a paper called 'Mr. Bickerstaff's Vindication.' I'm grieved to find the times should be so very wicked, that one impostor should set up to reform another, and that a false Bickerstaff should write against an imaginary Partridge. And I am heartily concerned that one who shows so much wit, such extreme civility, and writes such a gentlemanlike style, should prefix my name to writings in which there appears so little solidity and no knowledge of the Arabian philosophy. If this paper should be transmitted to posterity (as, perhaps, it might have been by the authority of the name it wears in the front) it might have been a lasting reflection upon me to the end of the world.... Till seeing four volumes of writings--the collected edition of the
Tatler --pretended to be mine, and a serious philosopher's name prefixed to papers as free from my solidity as they are full of wit, I thought it high time to vindicate myself, and give the world a taste of my writings; for I am now persuaded 'twill be more for my reputation to convince than to despise mankind."]


No. 2. [STEELE.

From Tuesday, April 12 , to Thursday, April 14 , 1709.

* * * * *


Will's Coffee-house, April 13.

There has lain all this evening, on the table, the following poem. The subject of it being matter very useful for families, I thought it deserved to be considered, and made more public. The turn the poet[81] gives it is very happy; but the foundation is from a real accident which happened among my acquaintance.[82] A young gentleman of a great estate fell desperately in love with a great beauty of very high quality, but as ill-natured as long flattery and an habitual self-will could make her. However, my young spark ventures upon her, like a man of quality, without being acquainted with her, or having ever saluted her, till it was a crime to kiss any woman else. Beauty is a thing which palls with possession; and the charms of this lady soon wanted the support of good humour and complaisancy of manners. Upon this my spark flies to the bottle for relief from his satiety. She disdains him for being tired with that for which all men envied him; and he never came home, but it was: "Was there no sot that would stay longer? Would any man living but you? Did I leave all the world for this usage?" To which he: "Madam, split me, you are very impertinent!" In a word, this match was wedlock in its most terrible appearances. She, at last weary of railing to no purpose, applies to a good uncle, who gives her a bottle of water. "The virtue of this powerful liquor," said he, "is such, that if the woman you marry proves a scold (which, it seems, my dear niece, is your misfortune, as it was your good mother's before you), let her hold six spoonfuls in her mouth, for a full half hour after you come home--" But I find I am not in humour for telling a tale, and nothing in nature is so ungrateful as story-telling against the grain, therefore take it as the author has given it you.


The MEDECINE.

#A Tale--for the Ladies.#

Miss Molly, a famed toast, was fair and young,
Had wealth and charms, but then she had a tongue
From morn to night, the eternal larum run,
Which often lost those hearts her eyes had won.

Sir John was smitten, and confessed his flame,
Sighed out the usual time, then wed the dame:
Possessed he thought of every joy of life,
But his dear Molly proved a very wife.
Excess of fondness did in time decline,
Madam loved money, and the knight loved wine.
From whence some petty discords would arise,
As, "You're a fool"; and, "You are mighty wise!"

Though he and all the world allowed her wit,
Her voice was shrill, and rather loud than sweet,
When she began,--for hat and sword he'd call.
Then, after a faint kiss, cry, "B'y, dear Moll:
Supper and friends expect me at the Rose."[83]
And, "What, Sir John, you'll get your usual dose!
Go, stink of smoke, and guzzle nasty wine,
Sure, never virtuous love was used like mine!"

Oft as the watchful bellman marched his round,
At a fresh bottle gay Sir John he found.
By four the knight would get his business done,
And only then reeled off, because alone;
Full well he knew the dreadful storm to come,
But armed with bordeaux, he durst venture home.

My lady with her tongue was still prepared,
She rattled loud, and he impatient heard:
"'Tis a fine hour? In a sweet pickle made!
And this, Sir John, is every day the trade.
Here I sit moping all the live-long night,
Devoured with spleen, and stranger to delight;
'Till morn sends staggering home a drunken beast,
Resolved to break my heart, as well as rest."

"Hey! Hoop! d'ye hear my damned obstreperous spouse!
What, can't you find one bed about the house!
Will that perpetual clack lie never still!
That rival to the softness of a mill!
Some couch and distant room must be my choice,
Where I may sleep uncursed with wife and noise."

Long this uncomfortable life they led,
With snarling meals, and each, a separate bed.
To an old uncle oft she would complain,
Beg his advice, and scarce from tears refrain.
Old Wisewood smoked the matter as it was,
"Cheer up!" cried he, "and I'll remove the cause.

"A wonderous spring within my garden flows,
Of sovereign virtue, chiefly to compose
Domestic jars, and matrimonial strife,
The best elixir t' appease man and wife;
Strange are th' effects, the qualities divine,
'Tis water called, but worth its weight in wine.
If in his sullen airs Sir John should come,
Three spoonfuls take, hold in your mouth--then mum:
Smile, and look pleased, when he shall rage and scold,
Still in your mouth the healing cordial hold;
One month this sympathetic medecine tried,
He'll grow a lover, you a happy bride.
But, dearest niece, keep this grand secret close,
Or every prattling hussy'll beg a dose."

A water-bottle's brought for her relief,
Not Nantz could sooner ease the lady's grief:
Her busy thoughts are on the trial bent,
And female-like, impatient for th' event:

The bonny knight reels home exceeding clear,
Prepared for clamour, and domestic war.
Entering, he cries, "Hey! where's our thunder fled?
No hurricane! Betty, 's your lady dead?"
Madam, aside, an ample mouthful takes,
Curtsies, looks kind, but not a word she speaks:
Wondering, he