The Pleasure of Nobody by Crystal Fox (books to read in your 20s female txt) 📕

After Ivy's death, Gabriel.

I was dying. I slit my wrist as I watched Ivy die from the shadows of the trees, and did nothing to save her, even though she screamed and cried I did nothing to help her at all. I stood their and cried and did nothing. If I could have one more moment with her I would have saved her. I would have told her "I love you" one more time. But I don't get that one more time. I only get now.

Now I sit on the ground in front of Ivy's ashes. Thinking about how we will never get to have that life we always wanted together. We won't ever know what our baby looks like who will fall in love with him. What will happen if I die and go to see them, will they still love me or not. And as I sit in front of ivy's ashes I also sit in front of my sons. And i think about how much I let them down. I didn't save them. But I could.

The pain was so unbearable. I lost my love and my child.

As my life soon come to I thought about what Rosemary told me. How if I don't kill her she would one way or another. I think we both killed her. I let her die and I let her realize I would not come to save her, I let her give up. But they are the ones who burned her. But I blame myself. I always will. In the moment of my sorrow I can already smell the smoke and fell the ashes that will be burning my dead body to ashes. And hope it sends me to where ever Ivy is. I hope the fire lets me go.

For allowing my first true love to die, with out no one their to tell her I love her. I want to be the one to suffer forever, and have no one show me mercy.

"Gabriel, listen to me closely," I had my eyes closed, but I felt a hand on my shoulder and I knew the voice so well, Vane. "Gabriel she needed to be ended. Needed to be put out of this world. I just did, what other people would have done. Though I did it out of love for you. She had no struggle and she was so clam about the whole thing. She wanted to die. she didn't mind it. Do you hear me? She didn't want to be here anymore. " He told me, I listened to him talk to me but I didn't believe anything of what he said. She loved me. And she was killed out of hatred for what she was. She was perfect, and beautiful, she was my wife, my best friend. She was the only reason I kept living, breathing only to see her again. Now she is not here. But I keep breathing knowing I will see her one day. Hopefully soon.

"I want to be with her Vane," I told him in a low soft voice.

"I know you do Gabriel, I know. But if you trust me, I can be the person who can help you see her again. To tell you the truth, I am the only person who could ever help you see her again." I started to cry harder. "it's okay Gabriel, it's okay. Just trust me, you can see her really soon." He said, I heard him pull his blade out of it's holder and I could feel it lingering above me. I don't move. I don’t hesitate. I don’t even breath. It felt like a sharp pinch, that stung for a moment. Then it was all okay. It was all dark, and it was all over.

Epilogue.

I woke up in a sun lit garden to the sound of Ivy's laughter. When I opened my eyes I saw her wearing a white dress with her hair pined up in a beautiful braid, and a small baby wearing a white dress in her arms. She danced around the garden singing to the baby and stroking it face with her finger. The sight was beautiful, and I was laying in the shadows. Butterfly's danced around her and the baby and the baby laughed with excitement. She pointed to them and one landed on the baby's foot, it kicked and squirmed as it was filled with happiness and joy. And we all laughed. She looked at me and laughed again.

"Gabriel you awake!" she announced and came to my side with the baby. "Here you go," she said and handed me the tiny little boy. He looked just like me. I cradled him in my left arm and let him hold my right pointer figure hostage.

" Hello my baby," I whispered to him. "What is his name?" I asked.

"Chance Gabriel Bentley," she told me and ran a figure around his tiny face. " I thought you where going to sleep forever," she said to me. I looked at her.

"And what if I did Ivy?" She looked up at me and smiled so sweetly my heart stopped beating for a moment.

"I would wait in the garden with you until forever is up, chasing away all your nightmares until you woke up. Then when you are awake and ready, we would go to heaven together with Chance in your arms." she told me. I pulled her close to me in a hug. We both careful not to hurt our baby.

Tears that I did not feel appear spilled over my eyes and landed on her shoulder. I have to let her go again. I can't go to heaven. I have been to hell before. When she enters the gates to heaven with him, the gate will close before I can take my first step, then the garden burns and I go back to the underworld. Leaving them here.

"My nightmares are harder to chase away Ivy," I said to her. My voice thick.

"Why? I bet I could do it, fight them away for you, you gave me strength."

"Because in my bad dreams it is hard to pick out the bad person. He has done very bad things, things that he regrets and things that he does not remember because they are pushed to far back into his memory to be seen. If you looked at him you might not think he is such a horrible person because you know him like no other person knows him. But to the rest of the world he is evil and hated. Not very many people understand him and have caused him to become what he is today Ivy. But you must understand. He is not meaning to be so horrible, he just is. He is the half blood angel, and he wants to tell every one that but none will ever listen."

"Who is it then my love, I would listen."

"I know you would and that is what makes you such a beautiful person Ivy," I hugged her closer. Until I could feel her heart beat through my chest. Until I felt like I had a heart beat, until I thought I could live in this moment forever.

"Gabriel who is he," she begged to know.

I sighed and then whispered so low.

"Me-"

We continued to sit their in silence and hold another in our arms, the baby had fallen to sleep. I looked at the gate to heaven and cried. I want to go in so bad it hurt with knowing I couldn't. It looked so beautiful and so peaceful behind the gate, I can not keep them from that any longer. I kissed her head one last time and got up to walk with her. I still held my child and she held my hand as we walk in silence. I should think of something to say, but I can't. Nothing came to my mind, I thought of telling her I loved her. But I didn't. Now, I wished I had. When we got to the gate I took my son and raised him up so I can kiss his small lips. He opened his small eyes and yawned. But he did not cry. I place him on my shoulder and hugged him tightly. I felt his little hand brush my shoulder, and that small act sent tears in my eyes that over flowed. I stood their and cried and I had to make sure Ivy thought it was from the happiness. I don't want her to know or she will never go through the gate. So I smiled, it was painful and it hurt. I laughed to, but not from happiness, from irritation. Did I not deserve a life of happiness with my wife, after all I had done, was I still not a good person? I handed her our son, and ran my fingers through her hair. I bent down to kiss her lips and hug her once more. I tapped my finger to