The Big Sister by cinderscoria (read this if txt) 📕

My sister, Natalia, was turning three. As Mom put her down to bed, at exactly eight thirty pm, I sat back on the couch with a sigh. Nat was adorable, if not bratty and spoiled. And a handful. Of course, no where near as much as her younger sister, Gabrielle. Gabrielle Grace. Which is a moutful, as much as she's a handful, so we call her Gigi.

I kissed Nat goodnight as Mom carried her upstairs. She was still clinging to her blanket. Mom had decided to let go of her binkies today, because Nat was just getting too old.

"Do you see Jasmine or Caleb sucking on binkies?" Mom would ask Nat. Her light blue hazel eyes would study me and my brother, and then it looked like she decided she didn't care whether or not we had binkies anymore. She wanted them.

It was a hard night for her, but she knew that tommorow was a big day. I smiled at her as she disappeared into her bedroom, what used to be my room. Gigi had already gone to bed; risky for Mom, considering that Gigi's room shared a wall with Nat's, and it was more likely than not Nat was going to fight with Mom about the binkies.

I breathed in through my nose and exhaled, staring at the family picture across the room. My glasses, those I had recently gotten, enhanced the image. Mom's Filipino skin was tan and beautiful. George, my stepfather, Nat and Gigi all had their gorgeous alabaster skin. Gigi's blue eyes were the exact same shade as her father's: black-rimmed, getting lighter and lighter until they were almost white around the pupils, and then a circle of darkness. Nat's were the color of sapphires, beautiful and clear, with a splash of light brown touching her pupils. Mom's were dark, but lighter than mine or Caleb's.

I had always been interested in eyes, specifically how people's pupils varied. I was sad that my eyes were the darkest out of my family's- at least, out of the family I lived with. My father's eyes were way darker than mine, but was somehow browner, if you can imagine that.

Caleb was my only full blood sibling. He shared my skin color, dark, from being African-American, but carmel, too, from being Asian. He had always been told he looked like Mom more than Dad, and I was the spitting image of my father. Niether of us liked that comparison very much.

Nat and Gigi were my half siblings. Still my sisters, but they looked, well, nothing like me. Which makes senense; they aren't mine, they're my mom's. But it's nice to see some of me in Gigi, the more independant one of the two, the sweetheart, the reader. Or in Nat, leader, or, in some ways, incredibly bossy, but in an older sister sort of way.

I blinked, the picture on the side table disappearing as I got up from the couch. Caleb was, as usual, playing video games in the bonus room. Football, I guessed, and was correct. Caleb was always playing Madden '10.

"Hey," he said, not looking up from his game. I crossed my arms and leaned against the door frame.

"Hey."

"What's up?"

"Nothing."

I stared at him. "You okay? With Dad and all..."

He flinched, and I felt kind of bad. We had just come back from our Dad's house. He had gotten in a fight with Dad, something he virtually never

does. Normally, I'm the one who fights with him.

It was all so stupid, too. Dad had brought up the same topic over the years, and I was always the one to argue with him. But that night I was too tired, too sick of trying to yell over him, to make him see reason and tell him to stop hurting us like he does. But Caleb had never done that before. It was hard seeing him whipped by Dad's words like that. It was hard to keep from intervening, from putting myself in the line of fire to shield him. Because that's what big sisters do.

Except he was my father. And he was my brother. And I was completely lost.

"I'm fine."

I hadn't even realized he had spoken, it was so quiet. And I didn't believe it for an instant.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Caleb trembled, fighting with himself to stay focused on his game. I didn't take my eyes off of him; he just threw an interception, though. Caleb dropped his controller in exhaustion.

It was only then I walked over to him and sat down. We were sitting right next to each other. I picked up the controller, having no idea how to play the stupid game and not caring.

"You know," I said, "when I was younger, and Mom divorced Dad, you know what she told me?"

Caleb shook his head, which was still in his hands.

"She said I'd never be able to change my father. Only how I react to him."

He lifted his head and stared at me in disgust. "So I guess you're going to tell me that it wasn't until you starting fighting with him that you discovered she was right?" He said it sarcastically, like he already knew the answer.

It kind of unnerved me. Caleb was never sarcastic. "No," I said, still watching the game. "I thought she was completely off. I still do."

"But," I went on, not giving him a chance to speak. "She did have something right. And it took me a long time to realize it."

"Dad is never going to change. Once he's got, in his mind, what he wants to think, he convinces himself that it's right. And then he has to say something, so someone will argue with him, and he can explain it. And nothing can ever get him to change his mind."

Caleb's shoulders shook, his head dropping back into his hands. I paused the game and lifted his chin so he'd look me in the eyes. His twelve year old innocence drove into me, and I smiled, just a little bit. He smiled tenatively back, just because he couldn't help it.

"I guess now you know how I feel," I said dryly, and a laugh burst from his throat. The tears spilled over and we were both laughing and crying at the same time.

Mom came in then, from putting Nat down, looking absolutely exhausted. She took one look at us hugging.

"What in the world is going on?"

And that got us off on another round of laughing again. Caleb wiped his cheeks with his sleeve and unpaused his game.

The player on the screen dropped the ball.

"Jasmine!" He glared at me, and I shrugged innocently.

"That's your area of exptertise, not mine, little bro."

"You weren't supposed to play it in the first place."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and got up.

Caleb smiled at me as I walked out of the bonus room. I smiled back, and then to myself as I climbed the stairs to my room.

It was just one of the benefits of being the older sister.

Publication Date: 02-24-2010

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