Parent With Purpose by Tiffany Mitchell (christmas read aloud .txt) 📕

 5 steps towards being an extraordinary parent!

Tiffany Mitchell

  For me I chose to become a parent about 6 months into finding out that I was pregnant. As a very young, naïve little 18 year old girl I found myself in a position that I never imagined I would be in. I’d heard the stories, seen it happen and yet I never expected that I would have been “that girl”. Now I don’t say that girl to be demeaning toward anyone who has shared in the experience of becoming a young mother. I just mean that there is a preconceived notion of what a young mother is all about that I did not want to be attached to that.

None the less my choices allowed me to be in a very scary situation. I was in my senior year of high school unsure of how the rest of my life was going to unfold. At the time I’d never really cooked my own meal, did my own laundry or was responsible enough to take on any bills. I didn’t have any way of supporting myself financially and I was struggling with trying to understand who I was. Now I was faced with the responsibility of having to raise a child. Scared, nervous, and disappointed are all feelings that overwhelmed me day after day.

I needed to find a way to lend some relief to my life and discover a way out of the dark mess that I had created. I would find myself lost in thought over the next few months trying to develop a way to take on this new life. I remembered that in school there were all this outlines that I had to follow in order to take on larger projects. I had to follow the scientific method for my science projects. I had to follow special formats for book reports. Even in entering high school I needed to chose a major and follow a program of classes that would eventually lead me to my diploma.

With no real experience in planning for big life events I followed the blueprint that I knew best. I made an outline. It’s amazing the strength you develop in your darkest of moments. I started to ask questions about who I was, who I wanted to be as a mother and what kind of life I would want for my child. I wasn’t sure of how to make these things happen I just needed to have a solid understanding as to what I was trying to do.

I looked at my own childhood and thought about what worked for me and what didn’t. I explored the relationship I had with my parents. I tried to picture this child as an adult and I thought about the beliefs, traits and values I would want him to encompass. As I continued to ask questions and develop my plan I became increasingly more comfortable with the idea of being a mom. Six months into my pregnancy I decided I wasn’t only going to have a baby but more importantly I’m was going to be a parent.

I knew I was in control of what I was creating for myself and my child. I had to make better choices, and build a better life for both of us. I wanted this baby to grow up with all the wonderful things I was blessed with and try to find a way to give him the things that I didn’t have. I wasn’t just going to be a mother because I was pregnant; I was going to be a parent on purpose! I had to love him on purpose, protect him on purpose, and provide for him on purpose. I needed to raise him up to be beautiful boy and eventually a strong man all on purpose.

Now this may seem like a very Oprah “AHA” concept of me to develop for such a young woman but understand that during the process of creating this plan for myself I didn’t really understand the depth and importance of what I was doing. I didn’t understand how much work it would take or who I would have to become make this plan happen. I didn’t understand that I was guiding myself through something bigger. There was no true understanding of the emotional and spiritual journey that having this child and following out my plan would employ. It was as, I understand it now the first whisper into the belief that my children were given to me as a divine gift. Anything that pushes you to rise up beyond a dark moment and forces you to move past your limits of circumstance is a divine moment.

I look back now grateful of the thoughts I had so long ago. I’m so blessed that although I didn’t know it, I was being transformed into something greater. I look back and see how such an undeveloped brain and heart could devise something so grand. I had created a vision for my child. It wasn’t a plan of action to keep me comfortable in undergoing this great endeavor as I’d thought. This was something divine that had swept my heart, engulfed my brain and helped me on my own journey to wholesomeness.

In knowing what I know now it is truly impossible for me now a mother of three, to know the secret to raising extraordinary children and not take the time to share it. This book is for every parent about to embark on the amazing journey through parenthood. It is for those who have already started the process but are seeking extra support. It is for parents of any age who are trying to find some new methods. It has been said time and time again that there is no manual when it comes to parenting. There is no fool proof plan on how to do it perfectly. The truth is there is you just have to write it yourself!  We each have different belief systems, personality’s, experiences, and environments but the one thing we all share is the ability to grow and create.

I invite you to use these five steps to write your own manual in raising your child. Understand that I will only share with you my experiences and not make solid statements as to what technique you should use to parent your own child. I do not claim to be an expert I am still learning and growing each day. I will though, ask you hard questions that will require some deep thought. I will offer you a new perspective into what this parenting thing is all about. I invite you to learn, grow and create your own blueprint. I encourage you to not just be a parent but to parent with purpose.

When beginning something new we always start at the end. In order to accomplish anything we determine our destination first. We create a business plan prior to starting a new business. An architect designs a structure and draws up blueprints before building it. We put our destination in the GPS before starting on a journey. We pick our major prior to starting classes in college. All of the big decisions we make in life start with a goal yet we pretty much wing it when it comes to parenting.

We prepare for the fundamental things. We look for a bigger house, a better paying job, put our children on waiting lists for the best schools and even start a college funds. These things are all really great ways to prepare for being a parent but we forget a major step during this process. We need to make a plan for WHO you want them to be. How many of us set goals for the men and women these children will one day be? How many of us sit and really set a plan to develop their character? Are they prepared to both use and protect their heart? Do they understand the power that they possess over their own lives? How will they treat people?

            These questions are really important parts of the preparation process. If we really take some deep thought and answering these questions we will have an easier time raising our children. Now I’m not saying that there won’t be challenges, trust me there will be. It will just make it easier to come up with solutions when you are aware of what you are trying to accomplish. As they grow the situations become greater and making decisions on how to handle conflict, confusion and everyday issues all contribute to who they will eventually develop into. The bottom line is in the process of picking the right school, creating their environment, and how involved you are in their interests and hobbies is all making a contribution to who they are becoming. So why not make these decisions with purpose. Why not create a vision!

            I realize so often that as adults we are all in some way recovering from things that happened in our childhood.  The environment, people, support and the actions and beliefs that we were exposed to are all playing a part in how we handle things today. We are either just moving along with the habits that were demonstrated to us or we are spending our lives trying to do things differently with our inner rebel in control. We vow “I’ll never do that when I’m older” only to find that we are exhibiting the same exact behavior unknowingly. Either way we are living our lives based on what we know. That is our past experiences.  If as parents we choose from the very beginning to prepare and mold them into the type of people we want them to be maybe we will save them a little time in their adulthood. They won’t have as much to figure out and maybe they can then spend their lives offering their gifts to the world instead of trying to discover them.

This seems like a very simple task but it is a lot harder and deeper then you think. This makes the job of being a parent more complex.  Once we define the type of people we want our children to become