Those El Paso Stars by Stephen McKinney (best ereader for pdf txt) 📕

hard at the object that would soon end his existence. It was shiny, it was new. The opposite of what Sawyer felt. He took out the ammunition, but he only needed one bullet. He started shaking as he looked down the barrel of the gun. As he loaded it, flashbacks of his life started to appear in his mind. The gun was loaded. This was it. His whole body was shaking violently. Tears started streaming down his face uncontrollably. He looked up at the sky one last time as he slowly slid the gun inside his mouth. The faces of his father and mother appeared in his head as he cocked the gun. “This is it,” Sawyer thought to himself, “I hope it’s better in heaven.” He placed his right index finger on the trigger. All of a sudden he heard a voice inside his head. It was Sarah’s. Her face popped into his head. Her gentle smile forced Sawyer to take his finger off the trigger. He took the gun out of his mouth and screamed to the sky, “God, please just let me do this! I can’t live like this! I will never be normal!” Puddles of tears were forming in the sand. “I am gay, I AM GAY.” He was bawling. He put the gun back in his mouth, but he couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t do it. He kept picturing Sarah, his only friend. Sawyer couldn’t do this to Sarah. He had to be there for her, he had promised her he would eat lunch with her the next day. Who would sit next to her on the bus tomorrow? He stopped crying. He decided that at some point in his life he would die, but tonight was not going to be the night. He took out the suicide note he had written, ripped it to pieces, and let the wind take it away. Sawyer dropped the gun to the sand and started walking back, watching those El Paso stars all the way home.


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Publication Date: 02-22-2010

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