Little White Lies by Allan Deya (the reading list book .TXT) 📕

at around midday when he knew I was just coming from my lamasse class; he wanted us to try once more.

‘I owed him.’ he told me. He said it was my fault he was in that situation. He said that he was so besotted with me, so fixated on making me his only girl that he had not been able to stand his wife or satisfy any other woman for that matter.

I told him I owed him nothing and that I owed everything to my husband. I was not interested in ever seeing him again and if he ever tried to approach me again I would take out a restraining order on him. The threat of a restraining order was enough to get him to back off; it wouldn’t have looked good for the firm you see.

But the damage was done, because Mat had seen us argue and he rushed over to find out what was happening. We managed to lie ourselves out of that particular situation; told him we just got overly passionate over a book we had read. But 4 months later when you were born Clara and placed in your daddy’s arms, I think he figured it out.

He carried you over to me and was cooing to you and promising you the world when suddenly he stopped and a frown crossed his face. Then a tear slid down his cheek and he left; I believed all this years that even his leaving the room immediately thereafter was a as a result of the emotions welling up in him.

But now I see that it is not the case.” She turned to Clara and told her with a sad smile. “You have your father’s eyes, you have his smile; your mind and manners are no doubt Mathews but your expressions and even your laugh are identical to your biological father. Deli and Bill favor me but you are the spitting image of him.

If I had thought about it anymore over the years, I would have seen it too; but I guess I was just so happy to have him back, so glad that I could start making my life with your dad that I did not pay much heed to the change that occurred in him afterwards. I was so busy trying to heal the rift between us that I did not remember to ask myself when the rift had begun or even why he had insisted on moving back home when the future was brighter for a PHD holder in Britain than in Kenya.”

“So basically what you are saying is that daddy has known for 20 years that you had an affair and that we are not his children yet he stayed with you. Why? Why would he do that? Why would you do this?” Bill asked pushing off the wall.

“Isn't it obvious?” Clara asked. “She did it because she is a selfish bitch; only ever interested in what lies in store for her. And dad did it because he loved us.”

“Clare.” Delaine cautioned.

“What? Don’t sit there and pretend you are not thinking the same thing I am. My daddy didn’t deserve this type of hurt, not for one day and certainly not for 3 kids. So you all can sit here and act like it's okay, but you know it's not; it will never be okay again. And I will never forgive you- no longer will I consider you my mother, not without dad here. Never!”

“Mathew is a good man, a much better man than your own father. And I will not use that as an excuse for what I did; what I have done to you and to him, but neither will I apologize for it. I did what I thought was best for this family as did your father in his own selfish way and your dad.

I lied yes, but I did it to keep this family together. I made us a unit; unshakable and full of love for 25 years. Your father stayed out of your lives, to protect his own marriage and chances of advancement, but out of our little heaven nonetheless and your dad swallowed his pride and buried his hurt to give you a father all through to this point where we are now.”

“I can’t believe you are trying to justify your actions!” William said incredulously. “Our whole life has been one big lie; everything we knew as kids, all the love we saw between you as our parents, all the trips all the gifts all the…” he choked on tears so hot he felt as though his chest were on fire. “It was all a bloody lie. Tell me how this is supposed to help me get on with my life now. It would have been better if you had just let dad leave as he wanted to; we wouldn’t have understood ‘irreconcilable differences’ but we could have lived with it. Why couldn’t you let it be?”

“Because I am tired of carrying this lie. It has weighed heavily on me these past many years. Especially seeing as you all turned out just fine. I knew that eventually the truth would come out and I had wanted you to hear the explanation for it from me but I had hoped to be the one to tell your father about it; I never wanted to hurt him.”

“Yeah, well a splendid job you did on that one mom, real super.” Delaine threw at her.

“Don’t you dare take that tone with me young lady! Everything I did, I did for you; for all of us. You just wait until you find yourself in my situation; you will do exactly what I did and 20 years later you would look at the fruits of that effort and be okay with the outcome…”

“Don’t you dare group me in the same mental institution as you Melanie.” Clara shouted coming off the seat. “I am nothing like you, nothing. If you did not love daddy you should have left him, saved us all this heart ache. How do you expect any of us to ever look at dad the same? How do you expect us to ever look at you the same? And yet you sit there and claim that we turned out okay, are you crazy?”

“Delaine is a renowned journalist with a syndicated column in one of the biggest dailies in the region. William is already a decorated detective of Kenya’s finest and you just got confirmed by Eco Bank as the youngest branch assistant manager in their history. You have your health, you have your friends and you have a father who loves you more than most biological parents could ever love their children.

So you can sit there and choose to hate me, and I won't blame you, but do not for one minute try and play at being mad at the end result; I will take that from your father, my husband but not from you. I gave you my all as did he and now he wants out to go live his own life. I am happy for him; it kills me that our forevers do not have each other in them but I cannot ask for more than he has already given me.

And neither can you. He gave you a house and a home; A friend and father and to boot he gave you direction in life. Not to mention the fact that though he has exited this house he has left his door open for you. So you go and brood over how unfair life is but do not destroy the relationship you have with the one man in your life that cared enough to be here.”

“What about you mother?” Delaine wanted to know. “What does the future hold for you?”

It took a while before she answered. “Not much really. I can't love anyone ever again, even if I wanted to. I would pine for your dad for the rest of my days which is what I know I will do now that he is gone. I will use my share of the settlement to buy a smaller house somewhere on the edge of town probably start a little book store. I intend to do a lot of travelling; local sites first and maybe by the time I decide to go international you will have forgiven me enough to want me to come visit you every now and then.”

“You are going to sell the house?” William said. “You would sell our home!”

“This house… our home has too many memories. Sweet memories by any account, but because of our situation, memories that would be too painful to relive on a daily basis. There is no room, no surface, no space in this house that does not hold some form of remembrance for me. Staying in this big old house would drive me to depression.” Melanie explained as she wiped a tear off her cheek. “So we will put it on the market and split the sale price because I am sure your father feels the same way I do.”

There was an uncomfortable lapse into silence and Melanie took that opportunity to escape to the bedroom; there she emptied all the fear, the pain, the secrets she had harbored over 2 decades in a torrent of tears. She cried until she was sure her eyes would be blinded by the scalding tears; she sobbed till she ran out of breath, she wept until it seemed like it would be so much kinder if someone just yanked her heart out of her chest; sliced and diced then burnt it.

She had acted tough out in the lounge because she knew she had to for the kids. She would not have them worry about both their father and her. Not their father, their dad; she hadn’t expected them to be overly interested in their biological father but she also hadn’t expected them to completely disregard his existence. That brought a smile to her trembling lips; it just went to show how deep the bond between them and real father was.

Mathew- the thought of him brought on a new wave of emotion. She had thought that she would be ready for this day when finally it came. She was sure she had prepared herself mentally and emotionally, so why did it hurt so much. Why did she already hate the woman who would be lucky enough to receive Mat’s affection.

Because there certainly would be, a woman that is. A man like him would not be single for long; good looking and charming, rich and successful, kind and generous- he would most likely be swatting them off with a baseball bat before long. ‘Oh snap out of this pity party.’ She chided herself. ‘You made your bed now lie in it bitch.’ As much as she knew that, a fresh surge of hurt came anyway and she let it.

“Mother!” it was William. The room was dark and there were crickets chirping outside. She must have fallen asleep. Straightening, she found clutched in her left hand a picture of her family taken during their 25th year anniversary some few months back and in her right the corsage Mat had given her for prom. “Coming.” She said when he knocked again.

She opened the door to find all 3 of them there. “Are you going to come out here or should we come in there?” Clara questioned. When she made no immediate response, her youngest daughter pushed past her and streaked straight to the closet. “What is this about?” She said finally finding her voice.

“It’s about you and