Love for Her by Chalen D. (ebook reader online .txt) 📕

/> "I think Ricky hinted he loves me."
"Aw. How does it make you feel?"
"Make's me want to run into the woods and live out the rest of my days as a cave lady."
She laughed.
"Love can be scary." She nodded.
"I've never been more scared. okay, there was like twice, I've been more scared, but anyway."
"Do you love him too?"
"I don't know. He said, he fell for me."
"Uh-oh."
"uh-oh is right. Tell me what to do Alice."
"No one ever fell for me, that I didn't want to."
"Okay, I know what I'm going to do."
"What?"
"I'm going to be whinny, spoiled, mean, and gross."
"Not gonna work." Ricky said, walking down the hall way.
Our mouths popped open as we watched him walk down the hall way.
Me and Mom went to get something to eat. We met up with Jordan. He said there was a praty, and I should go. I told him I'd go. When I got home I did my hair, and got ready. Ricky and Carson came over. I tossed on some Pj bottom's A knit hat and a Robe. Ricky came in.
"So there's this party."
"Who's gonna be there?"
"A bunch of kids from my old high school. I don't even know If I want to go, But Vic wants to."
"I don't think you should go. Your not going."
"Your not my Dad."
"Trust me. I'm keeping you safe."
"Okay I won't go."
"Ricky, ride with me!" Carson called.
"I'll be back." He kissed my forehead.
As soon as Carson drove away, I took off my hat, and took off my robe. I took off My Pj pants revealing jeans. i grabbed my jacket and went outside. As soon as I closed the door My ride pulled up. I looked around, to see if anyone was watching me. I ran to the truck, and hopped in. Now that he said No I was really going to go.
"Where's the warden?"
"Out of the office." I smiled, putting on my seat belt.
"Ready to have some fun?" Jordan asked.
"Yep." i said, returning his high five.
*****
After a couple of drinks I lost Jordan and It was getting late.
"Hey!" Vic said.
"Thank god. I need to use your phone."
She gave me her phone.
"Hello?"
"Mom? It's me. I'm with Vic, we're having car trouble."
"Thank god! where are you?"
"I don't know. Uh Scott's working on the car."
"Call me when you know."
"Will do"
"Is Scott here?"
"Yeah, we came together. Help me find him. I have to get home before you know who does." She said.
Once we found Scott we went out to the car.
"How are we going to get home? We've been drinking."
"I haven't."
"Really, Scott?" I asked.
"I didn't drink. I'm high though."
"So we'll just wait till I sober up. Get in the car you guys I'm not going to find you again."
I put them in the back seat. I told Mom it would be another hour, and we where fine. Vic and Scott passed out. I locked them in the car, and went back to the party. I grabbed a bottle of water and drank it.
*****
"Wake up. go inside." I said, once we where at Vic's trailer.
I Jumped out of the car and walked to Carson's. I picked up My pace as thunder boomed. I Shut the door quietly. I passed Trent, Ashlynn, Blake, Jake, And Alice, who where sleeping all over the place in the living room. I Knocked on Carson's door and went in.
"Hey I'm safe. I'm going to sleep."
"What time is it?" Mom mumbled.
"Five." i said, shutting the door.
I pushed open Ricky's door. He looked tired.
"Hey, sorry."
I took off my jacket and put it on his bed. He got up and pulled me into a hug.
"You went to that party?"
"Yes."
"You've been drinking?"
"Yes."
"Ana, I told you not to go."
"Your not my boss."
"I was trying to keep you safe."
"I went to have fun. why are you acting like this?"
"No wonder that guy beat the shit out of you. you never listen Analise!"
I took a step back.
"Ana." Ricky said, taking a step to me.
"I'll be okay." I grabbed my jacket and went to Carson's room.
"Can you take me home Please?" i asked, Mom.
"I'm Talking." She said, half asleep.
"Okay." i said going to the living room.
I put on my shoes.
"Fuck." I whispered wiping away a tear.
"Andy? Your crying! What's wrong? are you okay?" Alice whispered.
"I'm breathing."
I ran and pulled open the front door, and ran, from the trailer park not stopping until i was away from it. Rain soaked me to the bone.
"Andy!" Jake yelled.
I turned and he ran full speed to me. He came to a stop.
"Don't." I said.
"You stayed with me once when I was broken." He said, pulling me into him.
That was it. I wrapped my arms around my little brother and cried. After awhile Mom Pulled up.
"Andy-"
"Please take me home."
"Get in."
Jake went back to Carson's.
"Andy-"
"Don't Mom. Please." i said, putting up my hood and resting my head on the window.
As soon as we where at home i bolted from the car and ran to my room. I buried my face in my Pillow and sobbed, real body shaking sobs.
****
When I woke up i was damp. i changed my clothes and Mom walked in.
"Ricky wanted me to give this to you, You don't have to take it but-"
I took the paper from her and read it.
'When it's over I'll count back from ten, and you can listen to glass hearts shattering.'
"Oh hell no. he is not going to use one of my favorite bands against me, hold on Mom." i said, grabbing a pen.

'this isn't fair! No! don't you try to blame this on me, my love for you was bullet proof but your the one who shot me.'
"There. give him that." I smiled, smugly.
She came back with the paper.

'Girls make boys cry.'
I rolled my eyes.

'You can be the ghost in my hall, you can be the smile I don't want.'
she kept bringing me the paper.

'If it hurts this much then it must be love, I'm trying to get to you, but time isnt on my side.'

'My heart is out a sea, my head's all over the place, that night I slept on your side of the bed If truth is the worst thing I could do then I guess I have lied.'

'because these words where never easier for me to say or for her to second guess but i guess that i can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best. your all i hope to find in every single way.'

'You wanna make a change get out and go begin it, you say your really hurting at least your feeling something. Hello cold world.'

'I wonder what you think of me. It's no secret i know everybody knows i need you i need you I'm afraid to be alone I need you i need you. '

'You don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid, when I'm at the edge of sorrows blade show me how a heart breaks.'

'i, want you forever, forever and always through the good and the bad and the ugly, we'll grow old together, forever and always.'

'Insure in her skin like a puppet a girl on a string, broke away, learned to fly, if you want her back gotta let her shine, so it looks like the jokes on you, cause the girl you thought you knew, she's so gone, that's all over now... she's so gone, you won't find her around, you can look but you wont see the girl i used to be cause she's... she's so gone.'

'It's cold so i cover myself with a blanket, but the weathers the same, and i hate this. I don't see anyway i could mean anything to you. save me, and tell me the way you could change things make me believe that I'm okay.'

'I don't mind being alone, don't look at me with those eyes. damn you stunned me like a deer in the head lights. I try and try, but i doubt that you'll ever be mine. you don't know, you don't know, I'm in love.'

'I don't know how you got into me, down my throat you made a home in my veins.
well hey you, I miss that smile, have you seen my heart Lately? maybe oh maybe, you've had it for awhile. Being with you is like livin' up in heaven, just know that i never want to lose you.'

'I know I've been holding it in, the way i feel about you, these three words I've been holding back, i'ma let them out, these three words gotta let you know here i go. G-G-Go screw yourself, I've had enough yeah, now we're done go screw yourself, not gonna lie, yeah it was fun, but go screw yourself.'

'If one drink could make tonight slip my mind i guess i should drink up.'

'we fell by the way side, and slowly watched ourselfs die. When the walls caved in we only have ourselfs to blame. you better grab ahold and hold on for your life, cause you don't get lucky twice. everybody has a reason why, if we could just get it right.'

'Oh you'll never disappear, until i give permission dear, I'm bruised and scared please save me from this broken heart? Ana, come on i thought we had a good damn thing.'

What was I going to say to that. Even though he hurt me I didn't want to hurt him. I crumpled the note and tossed it in the trash. I got into bed and hugged my pillow. My Mom left leaving me alone, and i began to cry.
****
"here, Ricky wanted me to give this to you, after he left." Mom said, holing a piece of paper.
"Left?" i asked, sitting up.
"He went back to Canada. Are you going to take it?"
I tore my gaze away from her to the paper.
"Do I want it?" I whispered.
"I didn't read it."
I took the paper and she left. He left. Do I really want this? I opened the note.

Ana.
Hi. By the time you get this I'll be well on my way to L.A. I don't want to leave you but If I don't do it now, I'll drive myself insane. I love you. A lot. I thought i could never love like this and It scared me. Maybe I'm running away I don't know, but I'll miss you. You taught me many things, we had a good damn thing going, until I opened my mouth. Well, just wanted to say this. Don't do anything stupid. Please.
Ricky.

He is so confusing. For the first time in three day's I smiled. He loves me, I'm scared shitless. I can't really blame him for running can i? i would do the same thing. Shit, my head hurts. I took some pills and went to sleep. When I woke up i was looking at the roof of a hospital. Jake was lying next to me.
"Wake up." i said.
He did.
"What where you thinking Huh?"
"What do you mean?"
"You OD'ed Andy."
"You can't OD on Advil."
"Christ Andy. you didn't take Advil."
"I didn't?" i asked.
"No. You took Mom's high pain killers. you took three. fucking three.