Love Bites Then it Sucks by Julie Steimle (best self help books to read .TXT) 📕

Chapter One

Have you noticed how many vampire love novels there are out there these days? I was just looking at the cover of Mandy Reidalch’s latest blood sucker love fest book—the vampire a steamy young man with dark hair and an open leather jacket showing his meaty chest—and I just have to say, out of all the vampires I’ve ever met—none have ever been that hot.

Mandy’s eyes were devouring that book as her mouth devoured a ranch dressing-slathered BLT after crunching on baby carrots. I tried to keep my eyes off the book cover and onto my burrito, but I just couldn’t focus. I mean what was the appeal of those books? They all ended badly.

I know. I know. The girl gets the boy in the end—or the boy gets the girl, or whatever. They never have to part for eternity. But they almost always end up with the hero or heroine turned into a vampire—a life choice I would not recommend. After all, there is no cure for vampirism.

Mandy saw me looking at her. She lifted her book up with an awkward smile, so I said, “Is it good?”

Beaming, Mandy then gushed, “Oh yes! Laura has just has a run-in with a rival band of vampires and, man…”

I didn’t want an oration. But I had asked for it. We all knew Mandy liked to talk, and she chattered on about the novel. But she glowed when she talked, and I didn’t mind that about her.

Then she set her book down. “What about you? How’s your little romance going?”

I blushed. “Oh, fine. The engagement party is this evening.”

She grinned at me.

I was engaged to marry Hanz Johaansen, the man of my dreams since… wow, practically forever. We knew each other as kids, but we didn’t start dating until college. Three years before that, I had figured I would never see Hanz again as he had found out over Christmas one year what I was and freaked. Or I had thought he had freaked. I learned later after we met again in college that he had been disturbed to learn I had fleshy bat-like wings which could sprout out from my shoulder blades from two birthmarks He had, but he had gotten over it. In fact, he was sorry he had reacted the way that he did back then. He liked me for me, after all. And I was freaky to behold.

I had orange eyes, you see. And long canines and pale-pale skin. I looked like a vampire, basically. Not that I was. I was only half vampire—my birthfather was a vampire. My birthmother was an imp. I’m a vimp, and that is a demon. Funny thing was, when Hanz found out I was a demon during college, instead of flinching, he asked about the circumstances behind it. Was I born that way? Or was it the result of a choice? You see, this mattered a great deal to Hanz who did not believe in genetic determinism.

The miracle of Hanz loving me was that he was a devout Christian. He was of the Latter-day Saint persuasion, and really had no concept of the Catholic-level of demonhood as I did. He believed there were evil spirits and good spirits and that people could choose their path—that their paths were not chosen for them by an accident of birth. I may have been born a demon, he said, but that was just a challenge and not a determination of my fate.

This was why I loved him so much.

But I had resisted his proposals for marriage for years.

He had first proposed to me while we were still in college. I had said ‘no’.

I didn’t think it was right. He was a good man, and I was demon.

He then proposed to me when I had graduated with my four year degree in computer science and engineering. I still said ‘no’. Same reason.

And he had been proposing to me every year since while he was busy with med school. I had been saying ‘no’ for so long, until one day I asked him why he had not given up and looked for a good Christian human to marry as I was just happy that he was my friend and thought of me that way. And he had replied, “Eve, I can’t imagine spending eternity with anybody else but you.”

That was the thing, though. Spending eternity. Though my mother and my older brother William, along with my best friend Jane, had long converted to Hanz’s Faith, I was afraid their Faith would reject me. I didn’t think their doctrine allowed the baptism of demons after all. Hanz had even asked his bishop about it, and the man was speechless.

Then his bishop asked to meet me.

He was even more speechless.

Finally Hanz’s bishop said he would take the question up to the ‘stake level’ and ask his local authorities about the matter. I had even met with one of them, and they stared at me as if they were not sure I was real. And they said they would have to take it to the ‘general authorities’ to get an answer.

Well, Hanz decided not to wait for their answer. He asked me to marry him for the billionth time now, saying marriage for time will have to do until we could manage marriage for eternity. And my heart melted. Hanz loved me. He really loved me.

So I said ‘yes’.

My parents were overjoyed. My friends were overjoyed. Even my friend Rick Deacon who had a secret crush on me was overjoyed. Of course, I could tell when Rick had met Hanz a while back that he respected my choice and was not going to put up a fuss about it. Rick was sensible guy and knew I never really thought of him in that way.

So, the wedding was this week.

I felt giddy inside.

But I was also worried, worried for Hanz. He was marrying a demon after all. Me. My life was not like those romance novels. I was not super sexy, but I was super dangerous with serious health issues. As a vimp, only one of me is born every three hundred years. I was part of an ancient curse. I was born for a specific purpose—designed to hunt down and kill the Holy Seven—which destiny I had rejected as soon as I found out about it. I also could not be out in sunlight without serious sunblock, and Hanz and I could never eat Italian food together. Oh, and I craved blood, even though I never indulged. I was exercising my agency to become what I chose to be, which at the present moment was a software developer and a surfer on the side.

But the main reason I worried for Hanz was that I would never be able to have children and we would not be able to grow old together. He was from a large family and from a religion that valued family, and I knew he would want to be a father. And though I went through puberty like any girl, I never had my period. Born as part vampire, I partook of their status as undead, eliminating the ability to create new life. Also, being part imp, I knew I would outlive Hanz. I would remain young for three hundred years, according to the experts, and I would watch him grow old and die without me, which I knew would break my heart.

But I loved him. So I had said ‘yes’.

When I went back to work after lunch, I tried to keep my mind on the current program I was developing. Its purpose was to create a better translation method than used by Google. Google Translate was laughable, and our company wanted to produce more competitive apps for the marketplace on the internet. I was unable to focus, though, as my mind went over the wedding details.

We had invited everybody. I had consulted with my best friend Jane, who had married my brother Will as soon as she had graduated from Stanford. Their wedding reception had been fantastic—though the wedding itself I could not go to because it was in one of their temples and only members of good standing could enter (Dad, Dawn, and Travis stayed outside with me while Mom went in)—and I wanted a reception just like Jane’s. Jane was my matron of honor and she was helping me plan. I had also consulted with Jessica Cartwright, once Mason, about her wedding as that one too had been amazing, and I had been one of her bridesmaids. My roommate Star, along with my sister Dawn and her old roommate Tabitha Raines (who had mellowed out a ton after my freshman year of college), were to be my bridesmaids. Hanz’s old mission companion from Denmark was his best man. The man was actually Danish and spoke decent English. Rick was flying in, as were most of the Seven who wanted to meet the groom and wish him the best of luck. It was going to be the best wedding ever. 

The cake was angel food.

My dress was exquisite.

The flowers… I cannot describe how wonderful the bouquets were.

And the band was Clan Celt, who agreed to play for us at a reasonable price.

It was going to be perfect.

Then the clock stuck five, and I woke from my reverie. My work day was over.

I giddily put away the files I was working on. Cleaning up my desk, I then logged off my computer and shut it down. Locking away everything in my drawers that was not nailed down to the top, I put on my shoes (which by habit I took off under the desk for comfort sake), and picked up my briefcase to go.

A crowd lined up at the elevator.

My heart was pounding.

So were the other hearts around me, though not as hard as mine. I could still hear the hearts of everyone in the room. I could also smell their blood as it pulsed just underneath their skin, but my bloodlust had long been under control. It hardly tempted me now. And the invisible imp chatter among my co-workers remained mild. One of them was tempted to drink and drive. Another was tempted to take out a cigarette in the elevator. A pair of them were tempted to have an affair. I resisted the impulse to interfere. I had long learned that the main lesson of life for me is to allow people to choose for themselves and not be such a busybody.

When the elevator doors opened, I stepped on with the crowd.

Mandy remarked to Tom, “Are you going to donate blood today?”

“Why? Is the truck outside?”

She nodded, and I inwardly groaned. Our company held frequent blood drives. It was a noble cause, to be sure, but my blood was toxic and I could never donate. But the more annoying part was that people cast me judgmental stares whenever we had a blood drive, because I never walked around with a sticker on my chest saying that I had donated blood. They didn’t believe me when I said my blood was toxic. And their imps were already shouting at them to make snide remarks to me about it.

“Are going to donate, Eve?” Evan Stone asked, knowing the answer.

I raised my eyebrows at him.

“She doesn’t donate,” Mandy snickered. “She withdraws.”

That was another thing I disliked about blood drives. Nobody missed that I naturally looked like a vampire. They frequently teased me about it, calling me Elvira, though some Bella Swan. It annoyed me. I was just glad they didn’t know my birthfather actually was a vampire—may he rest in peace.

The elevator-full chuckled.

“Do you want me to do a prick test to prove to you I can’t donate blood?” I finally said.

The elevator hushed a moment.

But then Mandy said, “Yes. Just to satisfy our