The Player or the good guy? by NotWithoutMusik . (best big ereader .txt) 📕

did to comfort me or greet me, my heart beat so fast that I was afraid he would hear it and I just had the deep craving to kiss him. But I didn't. 

"Are you okay?", Aya asked, who was getting changed next to me. I did tell her about my feelings for Remus, and both Lily and her encouraged me to just tell him, but I was just too scared. Too scared of rejection. 

"Yeah, I am just really nervous about this game.", I lied and grabbed my broom. It was time for James' speech and then it would be showtime. I was actually really confident that we would win today, we had practiced hard and we were an amazing team. 

"Okay, team. I want that all of you give 200% out there, show them what we got and Ash, don't catch the snitch too soon. We want to get some points and with our chasers, we can score well!", James started, but he was naturally being interrupted by his best friend: "You just complimented yourself, captain! What about complimenting us?" 

James gave him a death glare, that Sirius didn't take very seriously, but he still shut his moth. 

"As I was saying. We have a great chaser team, but we also need the beaters and the keeper very much. The beaters to keep the other seeker from getting the snitch before Ash, and the keeper - of course- to keep our goal clean. As soon as you see that we aren't able to score, you have to get the snitch!", James ordered Ash, and everyone nodded in agreement. Then we formed a circle and shouted: "GRYFFINDOR, GRYFFINFOR, GRYFFINDOR!"

With a good, but also scared feeling in my tummy, a feeling that I got every time before a match, I held my broom tighter and walked into our little stadium where shouting Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, Slytherins and Hufflepuffs welcomed us. The game could begin. - 10 -

 

Memories

Sat- 26. September 1977

 

While we walked, or rather danced back to the castle, the game flashed before my eyes again in a blurr: The weather was perfect for a match, it wasn‘t raining and not too cold either, and when Madame Hootch started the game, we all did what James told us to do. Ash was flying high over the field, watching out for the snitch, not catching it, but rather making sure that the small Hufflepuff guy wouln‘t see it first. 

Aya, James and I gave our best. We were being an amazing team, almost reading each others minds and knowing when to throw the Quaffle to whom, doing most of the tricks and routines that we learned in training. This was leading to us making 60 points after only ten minutes, while Gideon protected his goal well, only letting one Quaffle in. 

After another ten minutes and 40 points, James gave Ash the sign to actually catch the snitch and that was when it got really scary for a second: the seeker of Hufflepuff saw the snitch as well, and both started chacing after it, both reaching out for the snitch at the same time and only a well-placed blutcher from Sirius into the stomach of the Hufflepuff-seeker made it possible for us to win with 250 - 10. 

„GRYFFINDOR; GRYFFINDOR!“, was the one word that echoed over the grounds of Hogwarts, because all Gryffindors were drunken with joy and not even the ,booh‘-ing Slytherins and Hufflepuffs could ruin the blast we had when we made our way to the Gryffindor common room. 

 

Mon - 12. October 1977

 

It was a full moon again. We all feared this one more than any other, because we knew that dark creatures were lurking in the dark, now that Voldemord was getting more and more powerful, and most of the bad creatures fed from fear and murder. 

„You guys don‘t have to come with me this time.“, Remus said, sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. His eyes had big rings uner them because he was being haunted by nightmares about him killing innocent people, and his face was unusually pale, resembling the fear we all felt. 

Aya, Sirius, Peter, James, Remus and I were all in the dorm of the guys, discussing what to do about the full moon tonight. Sirius and James insisted that Remus should not go alone, and Peter and I were agreeing, but we said that we could maybe all stay in the castle, using a by charms protected room. Remus was totally against that, telling us that he would rather die than to hurt any student. 

„Moony, why are we even having a discussion about this? We are in this together, and we can fight any dark creature, that will just be like practice for us.“, Sirius said maybe the sixth time now, he was smirking and driving his hand through his messy, long hair. James nodded and then walked over to Remus, kneeling down in front of him to look into his eyes. 

„We are here for you, Moony. We are your best friends and we will always be there for you, if you want that or not. Even though I was standing behind Remus, I just knew that he was rolling his eyes right now, knowing that he didn‘t have a chance against Sirius and James‘ stubborn opinion. I smiled at Aya, but she didn‘t smile back. She looked almost as bad as Remus, her makeup was smudged and her hair was a mess. It was horrible enough for us to go out there, but it was even worse for her to stay here, not being able to help at all.

„Last time you ended up in the hospital wing, happy to be alive. So please guys, be careful!“, she then said and pulled me into a tight hug. 

„I will watch out for the guys.“, I said jokingly and we all laughed hysterically about my lame joke. Our nerves were all on the edge when we left the dorm and when Aya said good night to us in the common room. She would obviously not be able to sleep at all until we came back. 

 

+

 

„It‘s starting.“, Remus said without any expression on his face. Usually I would give him some last words like 'You can control it, you‘re strong‘ or something like that, but the friendship between Remus and I was getting werider by the day. It was both our faults, because he kissed Isabella once again, and I started flirting with Sirius (who stopped dating Marlene, but still liked her)  again when he was around, just to show Remus and maybe myself that I didn‘t have a crush on him. Aya kept telling me that I should confess my love and everything would be fine. But she didn‘t even know what she was talking about, her and Fabian were the cutest couple of the school, right after Lily and James of course. 

A heartbreaking scream of Remus interrupted my thoughts when he started turning into the beast he hated so much. I could see that James and Peter were already turned onto animals, only Sirius was still human and then he came over. Not noticed by anyone, he whispered into my ear: „He loves you, you know?“ Then, without another word, he turned into a black dog and left me speechless. 

I turned into a wolf, recalling his words over and over in my head. Was he joking or was it maybe true that Remus loved me? 

I wasn‘t able to think about that much longer, because I had to watch out for Remus now, who was houling and scratching walls, either out of control or angry. Usually when he got anry about something as a human, he started going crazy on the poor house that was now called 'Shrieking Shack‘ and being feared by kids. 

Suddenly, coldness surrounded us. Remus stopped smashing the only chair left in the room and whimped, sniffing the air to look for the source of the sudden clima change. Me, having my full human brain, knew the second that the windows froze, what kind of creatures we were about to face: Dementors. Fear made it‘s way through my body, pulling my stomach together and letting my heart beat faster. 

„Dementors!“, James shouted, who had changed back into a human, his wand out and ready to defend himself. „You guys have to transform back, then we can keep them away from here.“, he said with a firm voice that hid his fear. It was easy to see that he was used to giving orders, and Peter instantly followed the command. 

Remus seemed to get more and more nervous, having people around him made him hungry and I knew that he had a hard time keeping it together, but on the other hand there was this feeling of fear that was less horrible for animals, but it was still there. 

„What about Remus?“, Peter asked, who also had seen that the werewolf was growling at us, but at the same time whimping. James thought about that for a second and then he said: „Sirius, you stay an animal and keep Remus in control and Scar, you help us defend this place.“

I nodded as a wolf and felt the well known stings that told me that I was changing back. Just when I had completed my transformation, I saw a dementor hovering at the window, glad that he had found five souls to suck the happiness out of. Okay, think of something happy!, I told myself, and skipped through all my happy memories to find the right one. 

„Expecto patronus!“, James shouted and a huge stag formed out of the silver smoke that came out of his wand. It ran to the Dementor to fulfill his duty and the Dementor seemed to be pushed away by the light blue stag. The dark creature left the window, only for us to see that there were hundreds of them surrounding us. Peter shouted the spell as well, but his rat-patronus was very weak and vanished just after he had concured it. 

„James, watch out!“, I heard Sirius voice, just before Remus jumped onto his friend, who fell onto the ground and didn‘t move anymore. 

„No, Remus!“, I screamed and the wolf actually turned around, almost as if he recognized my voice. I smiled at him as he let go of James, but then suddenly I felt horrible. When I turned back to the window I realized it: With James being nocked out, his petronus had vanished and about ten Dementors came into the room, only held back Peter‘s small patronus and already sucking the happiness out of Sirius. 

„Expecto- Expecto !“, I tried saying, but I couldn‘t even lift my arm anymore, a Dementor got really close and then, the momories flashed by, only the worst ones I had. 

 

„YOU ARE WORTHLESS, KATHERINE PETTIGREW. WE SHOULD HAVE LET YOU DIE WHEN WE HAD THE CHANCE!", my father screamed at me, his face turning more red with every word. I had just told him that I was never going to be on the dark side and that I would move out after I had finished school. He was raging and sure enough, he pulled out his wand and spoke the well known word: 'Crucio!'

My body felt like it was on fire, but I tried my best