Angel Dust by Aurora Morgenstern (summer beach reads .TXT) 📕

closer. Their hoof beats the thunder deafening my ears, followed by a quick blinding flash of brilliant lightning. The lightning makes the terrible scenes in front of em visible for mere moments. The rain lashing from above, mixing and pooling with the blood of so many fallen, washing away the foul scent of death and decay. The millions of screams and cries drowning between thunder and rain. They all bed for mercy, for salvation but their god has failed them. I see many an angel with stumps where there wings used to be, now all that is left burned marks and blood soaked backs. Others weren´t quite as lucky, half their wings remain, torn and broken beyond repair. They will feel their pains later when whatever is left will be cut off and burned. They will never fly again, never chase the dawn and feel the sunlight slowly warming their wings. I brought this upon them, this agony, this never-ending suffering. I damned them all to hell, what right have I to stand here on this mountaintop untouched? I can fly away if choose to, leave it behind and find somewhere to hide. I entertain the thought as I watch them crawl to their fallen brothers and sisters and weep. I watch them pray, I watch them curse their god and I watch them fall. Broken as their wings are. Amidst dead angels, some demons have fallen. Their corpses often intertwined with those they used to call their friends. Now monstrous corpses are all that remains. I am glad for the dark of the clouds, glad for the rain covering the stench. I turn my back on the scene and face my own hell. The price I payed for my own deeds is just as high as theirs, but unlike them I chose this. Unaware of the consequences I followed Nathaniel to hell, out of love I thought. I thought I could save them, bring them peace. instead I bet it all on the wrong card. My ace turned out to be worth nothing after all. I wanted to be good so bad that I forgot myself and turned into that monster I feared so much. For a moment  try to picture what it would be like if the monster within me shone through to the outside. I am sure that I would be a perfect twin of that devil that took my grandmother, that haunted so may of my sleepless nights. In the end we are all running from ourselves. I smile grimly. I know I brought this on myself, but why did he have to pay the price. He lies there, fallen. You would think that his death would be beautiful, that he would be brave. I can tell you he was not, I wish he had been brave but in the end he is just another soul begging to be saved by a father that never came. He begged for mercy in the end, cried out to his brother to have mercy. His death wasn’t glorious or beautiful, he died on his knees begging. He lies there, his eyes still open. His armour once stainless full of tar like demon blood mixed with his own. his hair clinging filthily to his head. His armour is torn upon at the chest, or what used to be his chest, his ribcage is exposed showing his missing heart. The area around it burned beyond recognition, where the heavenly fire did its worst. Who would have thought the devil could wield heavens greatest force while he was too weak to stand up and die fighting. I hate him for it, I hate him for not being strong enough. for leaving me like this. I wish I could be braver, I wish I could pretend he had been brave but these last images of Michael begging repulse me. His eyes stare at me accusingly, now milky white and dead. I fall to my knees void of all emotion. I stare at his dead body far too long, but nothing of him remains. his all too familiar scent is gone, overpowered by the stench of death and demon and burned flesh. His eyes expressionless and dead, no more flames in them and no more words to be said. His wings are all that remain untouched, unbroken and horrifyingly contrasting white. His wings are all that Lucifer could not take, didn´t dare to take. Lucifer is just like all of us, weak in the end. I know his brothers cries hurt him, he cried as eh ripped out his heart and burned it. He lost his brother and yet underneath those tears a cruel victory emerged. As Michaels flame burned out and passed to Lucifer, he took up his sword and held it high above his head. The heavenly fire casting shadows all across his face as he started to glow. Glorious and god like he ascended with a laugh so deafening and cruel I covered my ears in fear. His beauty blinding I closed my eyes at it and waited. He told me he would be back, now would be the time to run, to fly to leave it all behind. But I know there is no where to hide, he could find em anywhere. I gave him this victory and I know he won´t let me escape it. That´s what I get for having sympathy, for thinking I can save the greatest sinner of them all. I am numb to it all, sit there, repulsed by the dead corpse that once was the closest thing to family that I have ever known. The pain comes slowly and then treacherously fast like a wave crushing over me. My ears are ringing from the thunder and an ear piercing scream is heard, I don’t take long to accept the knowledge that this scream was mine. is cream and scream until my voice is hoarse and useless, my fierce tears mixing with the blood but their shedding doesn´t change the fact that he is dead. I succumb to the pain, curl up beside Michael and let the waves crash over me mercilessly. how I wish I could drown in them. he is gone beyond my reach, his all familiar present blank and empty. there is no consolation in lying next to a dead body. This isn´t him and won´t ever be him again. Anger fills me, boiling hot and as my last tears fall I curse heaven and hell and most of all myself. I sit up and clench my fists, hammering and shaking Michaels corpse in one last useless attempt of breathing life back into this dead heap. Over the thunder I can barely hear him approaching if it wasn´t for the feet entering my view I would not have known him to be here. I look up to face him and he smiles radiantly, like a good natured god above all the chaos around him. he is radiant and he leans down and offers me a hand. Willingly, almost numbly I take it and let him help me up. Behind him I can see the four riders on their horses. Their hoods have fallen back and their faces are human to my surprise. Who would have thought that the horse riders of the apocalypse would be so plainly human, no disfigurements nor cruel faces. Blank expressions that tell me they serve neither good nor evil, but their own course. The look at me blankly and I can feel the icy cold of indifference coming from them chilling em to the bone. So different from the burning light that is Lucifer. he doesn´t let go of my hand but rather lift me unto one of the horses and with a sharp warning not to let e out of sight to the horseman lets go of me. The horseman arms wrap around em tight as chains I know there is no use of trying to escape his iron grip. He whispers a command in some unintelligible language to the horse and I close my eyes as we begin to move, I have now is to view the destruction beneath us but rather pass into the dark of aether and let the darkness envelop me fully. The cell

I lift my head when i hear steps on the corridor, dreading them to be Lucifer or even worse Nathaniel again. Nathaniel visits me a lot in here, always smiling in this all too familiar way. Encouraging me to give in already and to join them. I refuse everytime again and when I do that warm smile turns cruel, a fire sparking in his eyes. it is then that he lashes out on me, that he uses his power to choke me and on some days he comes over and cuts me with a sharp knife. The whole time he whispers to me how I am only making this harder on myself, that I can end my misery any time I choose to. I have been tempted to give in, but the thought of what that would do to those I have come to see as my family gives me enough strenght to hold on just a little longer. However that does not mean that I am some strong, heroic figure. Everytiem again I cry and beg him to stop, I plead with him. I know very well that what I have gone through is nothing in comparison to what he is capable of, to what lies in my future. I know that one day Nathaniel is going to stride into my cell with sure steps and he is going to do his worst. I am no hero and I know that everyone has a breaking point. The physical torture isn´t the worst of it, Nathaniel knows about my past. He knows about it all and he has discovered how to use it against me. He replays the gruesome scenes in my head over and over until I scream and beg. Beg for him to just kill me already. He then kneels infront of me, time and time again, and brushes the tangeled masses of hair out of my face and wipes the tears away. Today is no different from those times. I can hear my own screams echo from the prison walls, ringing in my ears ruthlessly. He kneels down and I flinch as he reaches out towards me, but there is no use in that. The shackles on my arms and legs hodl me firmly in place and the wall behind my back gives me little space. His knuckles brush cruelly soft against my cheek as he tucks a few greasy strands of hair behind my left ear. I never hate him more than when he is gentle with me, I want to tear at him with my nails, bite him and kick him. I want to see him on the floor, unmoving. Most of all I want to wipe that cruel smile from his face, even here it haunts whatever few hours of sleep I get once I pass out. 

"Just tell me where you hid your grace and I will stop. I don´t want to do this Felice, but you´re doing this