If: A Play in Four Acts by Lord Dunsany (novel books to read .TXT) 📕

MIRALDA

We all obey you, but not Daoud.

JOHN

I do not understand it.

A NOTABLE

The Shereef has frowned.

[Enter R. an OFFICER-AT-ARMS. He halts at once and salutes with his sword, then takes a side pace to his left, standing against the wall, sword at the carry.

JOHN acknowledges salute by touching his forehead with the inner tips of his fingers.]

OFFICER-AT-ARMS

Soldiers of Al Shaldomir; with the dance-step; march.

[Enter R. some men in single file; uniform, pale green silks; swords at carry. They advance in single file, in a slightly serpentine way, deviating to their left a little out of the straight and returning to it, stepping neatly on the tips of their toes. Their march is fantastic and odd without being exactly funny.

The OFFICER-AT-ARMS falls in on their left flank and marches about level with the third or fourth man. When he reaches the centre he gives another word of command.]

OFFICER-AT-ARMS

With reverence: Salute.

[The actor who takes this part should have been an officer or N. C. O.

JOHN stands up and acknowledges their salute by touching his forehead with the fingers of the right hand, palm turned inwards.

Exeunt soldiers L. JOHN sits down.]

A NOTABLE

He does not smile this evening.

A WOMAN

The Shereef?

NOTABLE

He has not smiled.

[Enter R. ZABNOOL, a CONJURER, with brass bowl. He bows. He walks to centre opposite JOHN. He exhibits his bowl.]

ZABNOOL

Behold. The bowl is empty.

[ZABNOOL produces a snake.]

ZABNOOL

Ah, little servant of Death.

[He produces flowers.]

Flowers, master, flowers. All the way from Nowhere.

[He produces birds.]

Birds, master. Birds from Nowhere. Sing, sing to the Shereef. Sing the little empty songs of the land of Nowhere.

[He seats himself on the ground facing JOHN. He puts the bowl on the ground. He places a piece of silk, with queer designs on it over the bowl. He partly draws the silk away with his left hand and puts in his right. He brings out a young crocodile and holds it by the neck.]

CONJURER

Behold, O Shereef; O people, behold; a crocodile.

[He arises and bows to JOHN and wraps up the crocodile in some drapery and walks away. As he goes he addresses his crocodile.]

O eater of lambs, O troubler of the rivers, you sought to evade me in an empty bowl. O thief, O appetite, you sought to evade the Shereef. The Shereef has seen you, O vexer of swimmers, O pig in armour, O...

[Exit.

SHABEESH, another CONJURER, rushes on.]

SHABEESH

Bad man, master; he very, very bad man.

[He pushes ZABNOOL away roughly, impetus of which carries ZABNOOL to the wings.]

Very, very bad man, master.

MIRALDA [reprovingly]

Zabnool has amused us.

SHABEESH

He very, very bad man, lily lady. He get crocodile from devil. From devil Poolyana, lily lady. Very, very bad.

MIRALDA

He may call on devils if he amuse us, Shabeesh.

SHABEESH

But Poolyana, my devil. He call on my devil, lily lady. Very, very, very bad. My devil Poolyana.

MIRALDA

Call on him yourself, Shabeesh. Amuse us.

SHABEESH

Shall one devil serve two masters?

MIRALDA

Why not?

SHABEESH [beginning to wave priestly conjurer's hands]

Very bad man go away. Go away, bad man: go away, bad man. Poolyana not want bad man: Poolyana only work for good man. He mighty fine devil. Poolyana, Poolyana. Big, black, fine, furry devil. Poolyana, Poolyana, Poolyana. O fine, fat devil with big angry tail. Poolyana, Poolyana, Poolyana. Send me up fine young pig for the Shereef. Poolyana, Poolyana. Lil yellow pig with curly tail. [Small pig appears.] O Poolyana, great Poolyana. Fine black fur and grey fur underneath. Fine ferocious devil you my devil, Poolyana. O, Poolyana, Poolyana, Poolyana. Send me a big beast what chew bad man's crocodile. Big beast with big teeth, eat him like a worm.

[He has spread large silk handkerchief on floor and is edging back from it in alarm.]

Long nails in him toes, big like lion, Poolyana. Send great smelly big beast—eat up bad man's crocodile.

[At first stir of handkerchief SHABEESH leaps in alarm.]

He come, he come. I see his teeth and horns.

[Enter small live rabbit from trapdoor under handkerchief.]

O, Poolyana, you big devil have your liddle joke. You laugh at poor conjuring man. You send him lil rabbit to eat big crocodile. Bad Poolyana. Bad Poolyana.

[Whacks ground with stick.]

You plenty bad devil, Poolyana.

[Whacking it again. Handkerchief has been thrown on ground again. Handkerchief stirs slightly.]

No, no, Poolyana. You not bad devil. You not bad devil. You plenty good devil, Poolyana. No, no, no! Poor conjuring man quite happy on muddy earth. No, Poolyana, no! O, no, no, devil. O, no, no! Hell plenty nice place for devil. Master! He not my devil! He other man's devil!

JOHN

What's this noise? What's it about? What's the matter?

SHABEESH [in utmost terror]