Supplemental Nights to The Book of the Thousand and One Nights by Sir Richard Francis Burton (life changing books TXT) 📕

me. So I went out and found her not; but I did find that she had taken my clothes and all that was in them of silver, to wit, four hundred dirhams. She had also carried off my turband and my kerchief and I lacked the wherewithal to veil my shame; so I suffered somewhat than which death is less grievous and abode looking about the place, hoping that haply I might espy a rag wherewith to hide my nakedness. Then I sat a little and presently going up to the door, smote upon it; whereat up came the Housekeeper and I said to her, “O my sister, what hath Allah done with the woman who was here?” She replied, “The lady came down just now and said, ‘I’m going to cover the boys with the clothes,’ adding, ‘and I have left him sleeping; an he awake, tell him not to stir till the clothes come to him.’” Then cried I, “O my sister, secrets are safe with the fair-dealing and the freeborn. By Allah, this woman is not my wife, nor ever in my life have I seen her before this day!” And I recounted to her the whole affair and begged of her to cover me, informing her that my private parts were clean unconcealed. She laughed and cried out to the women of the lodging-house, saying, “Ho, F�timah! Ho, Khad�jah! Ho, Har�fah! Ho, San�nah!” Whereupon all those who were in the place of women and neighbours flocked to me and fell a-mocking me and saying, “O pimp,[FN#57] what hadst thou to do with gallantry?” Then one of them came and looked in my face and laughed, and another said, “By Allah, thou mightest have known that she lied, from the time she said she liked thee and was in love with thee! What is there in thee to love?” A third said, “This is an old man without wisdom;” and all vied one with other in exercising their wits upon me, I suffering mighty sore chagrin. However, one of the women took compassion on me after a while, and brought me a rag of thin stuff and cast it on me. With this I covered my shame, and no more, and abode awhile thus: then said I in myself, “The husbands of these women will presently gather together upon me and I shall be disgraced.” So I went out by another door of the lodging-house, and young and old crowded about me, running after me and crying, “A madman! A madman![FN#58] till I came to my house and knocked at the door; whereupon out came my wife and seeing me naked, tall, bare of head, cried out and ran in again, saying, “This is a maniac, a Satan!” But, when my family and spouse knew me, they rejoiced and said to me, “What aileth thee?” I told them that thieves had taken my clothes and stripped me and had been like to slay me; and when I assured them that the rogues would have slaughtered me, they praised Allah Almighty and gave me joy of my safety. So consider the craft this woman practised upon me, and I pretending to cleverness and wiliness. Those present marvelled at this story and at the doings of women; then came forward a fourth constable and said, “Now that which hath betided me of strange adventures is yet stranger than this, and �twas after the following fashion.”

 

The Fourth Constable’s History.

 

We were sleeping one night on the terrace-roof, when a woman made her way through the darkness into the house and, gathering into a bundle all that was therein, took it up that she might go away with it. Now she was big with child and nigh upon her time of delivery; so, when she packed up the bundle and prepared to shoulder it and make off with it, she hastened the coming of the labour-pangs and bare a child in the dark. Then she sought for the fire-sticks and when they burned, kindled the lamp and went round about the house with the little one, and it was weeping.

The wail awoke us, as we lay on the roof, and we marvelled. So we rose to see what was to do, and looking down through the opening of the saloon,[FN#59] saw a woman, who had lit the lamp, and heard the little one crying. As we were peering, she heard our words and raising her head to us, said, “Are ye not ashamed to deal thus with us and bare our shame? Wist ye not that the day belongeth to you and the night to us? Begone from us! By Allah, were it not that ye have been my neighbours these many years, I would assuredly[FN#60] bring down the house upon you!” We doubted not but that she was of the Jinn and drew back our heads; but, when we rose on the morrow, we found that she had taken all that was with us and made off with it;[FN#61] wherefore we knew that she was a thief and had practised on us a device, such as was never before practised; and we repented, whenas repentance availed us naught. The company, hearing this tale, marvelled thereat with the utmost marvelling. Then the fifth constable, who was the lieutenant of the bench,[FN#62] came forward and said, “This is no wonder and there befel me a story which is rarer and stranger than this.”

 

The Fifth Constable’s History.

 

As I sat one day at the door of the Prefecture, behold, a woman suddenly entered and said as though consulting me. “O my lord, I am the wife of Such-an-one the Leach, and with him is a company of the notables[FN#63] of the city, drinking fermented drinks in such a place.” When I heard this, I misliked to make a scandal; so I bluffed her off and sent her away unsatisfied. Then I rose and walked alone to the place in question and sat without till the door opened, when I rushed in and entering, found the company even as the woman aforesaid had set out, and she herself with them. I saluted them and they returned my salam and rising, treated me with honour and seated me and served me with meat.

Then I informed them how one had denounced them to me, but I had driven him away and had come to them by myself; so they thanked me and praising me for my kindness, brought out to me from among them two thousand dirhams[FN#64] and I took them and went away.

Now two months after this adventure, there came to me one of the Kazi’s officers, with a paper, wherein was the judge’s writ, summoning me to him. So I accompanied the officer and went in to the Kazi, whereupon the plaintiff, he who had taken out the summons, sued me for two thousand dirhams, declaring I had borrowed them of him as the agent or guardian of the woman. I denied the debt, but he produced against me a bond for that sum, attested by four of those who were in company on the occasion; and they were present and bore witness to the loan. I reminded them of my kindness and paid the amount, swearing that I would never again follow a woman’s counsel. Is not this marvellous? The company admired the goodliness of his tale and it pleased Al-Malik al-Zahir; and the Wali said, “By Allah, this is a strange story!” Then came forward the sixth constable and said to those present, “Hear my adventure and that which befel me, to wit, that which befel Such-an-one the Assessor, for ‘tis rarer than this and finer.”

 

The Sixth Constable’s History.

 

A certain Assessor one day of the days was taken with a woman and much people assembled before his house and the Lieutenant of police and his posse came to him and rapped at the door. The Assessor peered from house-top and seeing the folk, said, “What do ye want?” Replied they, “Speak with the Lieutenant of police Such-an-one.” So he came down and as he opened the door they cried to him, “Bring forth the woman who is with thee.” “Are ye not ashamed? How shall I bring forth my wife?” “Is she thy wife by book[FN#65] or without marriage-lines?” “She is my wife according to the Book of Allah and the Institutes of His Apostle.” “Where is the contract?” “Her lines are in her mother’s house.” “Arise thou and come down and show us the writ.” “Go from her way, so she may come forth.” Now, as soon as he got wind of the matter, he had written the bond and fashioned it after the fashion of his wife,[FN#66] to suit with the case, and he had written therein the names of certain of his friends to serve as witnesses and forged the signatures of the drawer and the wife’s next friend and made it a contract of marriage with his wife and a legal deed.[FN#67] Accordingly, when the woman was about to go out from him, he gave her the contract he had forged, and the Emir sent with her a servant of his, to carry her home to her father. So the servant went with her and when she was inside she said to him, “I will not return to the citation of the Emir: but let the Assessors present themselves and take my contract.”

Hereupon the servant carried this message to the Lieutenant of police, who was standing at the Assessor’s door, and he said, “This is permissible.” Then said the Assessor to the servant, “Fare, O eunuch, and fetch us Such-an-one the Notary;” for that he was his friend and ‘twas he whose name he had forged as the drawer-up of the contract.[FN#68] So the Lieutenant sent after him and fetched him to the Assessor, who, when he saw him, said to him, “Get thee to Such-an-one, her with whom thou marriedst me, and cry out upon her, and when she cometh to thee,[FN#69]

demand of her the contract and take it from her and bring it to us.” And he signed to him, as much as to say, “Bear me out in the lie and screen me, for that she is a strange woman and I[FN#70]

am in fear of the Lieutenant who standeth at the door; and we beseech Allah Almighty to screen us and you from the woes of this world. Amen.” So the Notary went up to the Lieutenant, who was among the witnesses, and said, ” ‘Tis well. Is she not Such-an-one whose marriage-contract we drew up in such a place?” Then he betook himself to the woman’s house and cried out upon her; whereat she brought him the forged contract and he took it and returned with it to the Lieutenant of police.[FN#71] When the officer had taken cognizance of the document and professed himself satisfied, the Assessor said to the Notary, “Go to our lord and master, the Kazi of the Kazis, and acquaint him with that which befalleth his Assessors.” The Notary rose to go, but the Lieutenant feared for himself and was urgent in beseeching the Assessor and in kissing his hands till he forgave him; whereupon the Lieutenant went away in the utmost concern and affright. On such wise the Assessor ordered the case and carried out the forgery and feigned marriage with the woman; and thus escaped calumny and calamity by the seemliness of his stratagem.[FN#72] The folk marvelled at this with the uttermost marvel and the seventh constable said, “There befel me in Alexandria the God-guarded a wondrous thing, and ‘twas this.”[FN#73]

 

The Seventh Constable’s History.

 

There came one day an old woman to the stuff-bazar, with a casket of mighty fine workmanship, containing trinkets, and she was accompanied by a young baggage big with child. The crone sat down at