Ten From Infinity by Paul W. Fairman (ebook voice reader TXT) 📕

for a person to admit. For, to let someone’s slighting of you to unnerve you to such a degree that it leads to you seeking comfort elsewhere shows a dependency of spirit. But, alas, I am not perfect, and I am not an oak. I am flesh, blood, flaws and missteps, and it cannot be helped sometimes.”

“Your flaw—if it can even be called such—is nothing to be ridiculed and scoffed at,” he assured me. “We all seek comfort when we are slighted or offended in some way. And everyone’s vanity can become shaken very easily, and I do believe that I shook yours terribly. Faith, at the time, I had not even known that you had heard me when I made that ridiculous comment. If I had been a stronger man, with not a more substantial flaw to my name and heart, I would have never said it to begin with. Therefore, Miss Elizabeth, please accept my apology. It was wrong of me to speak so. I just simply am still at that stage in my life where I am not the best at recommending myself to strangers. You and I were not acquainted at the time. Yet, as you saw, once we were, I had been willing to dance with you at Lucas Lodge.”

“Yes, and I had rejected the offer,” I added, “and now you know the reason.”

“Ah,” he said on a sigh. “So, that was the reason?”

“Aye. That was the revenge that I sought. You would not dance with me at the assembly. Therefore, I would not dance with you at my friend’s home. And my revenge would have been complete indeed, if it had not been for one thing.”

“What one thing?”

I chuckled at the memory. “You had taken me entirely by surprise at Netherfield and I said yes to you even before I could think.”

Mr. Darcy grinned.

“It is nice to see you smile again,” I observed, “and therefore, it gives me courage. I order us to forgive each other for our past mistakes: I forgive you for offending me when we first met, and you must forgive me for letting my pride be so easily swayed, so sadly puffed up, that I swung towards the flatteries of a man who hurt your sister so very much.”

“That is an order than I am all too glad to obey.”

“I am happy for it.”

“And you truly did not love him, Miss Elizabeth?”

“No. And this is not me lying to save my face. When I had first heard that he was engaged to another woman months ago, I felt no heartache and wished him well. Never did I feel any jealousy and never will I for any woman he chooses. And that is a rule that I set down: if you do not feel jealousy for a woman that a man chooses, then you clearly never loved the man.”

“That was provocatively accurate.”

“Provocatively? How so?”

“Because it is a painful truth. Jealousy is one of the worst sins to feel, and yet, it is one of the best ways of displaying how deeply one feels about something. So, you were never jealous of any woman he chose to marry?”

“Not a jot. I even had the courtesy to wish him well, which at the time, seemed like the correct thing to do. My warmth towards him only went so far as being flattered by his attentions, but never caring for anything more. I suppose, at the time, I was just looking for friendship.”

“To soften the blow of me not being amicable when we first met.”

“Again, my vanity was wounded. And when one’s vanity becomes bruised, the first thing to leave us is our logical side. I wanted to tell you all of this, however, you had left Rosings sooner than I had expected. Colonel Fitzwilliam confirmed your report, but I wished for you to know immediately that I confirmed the veracity of your tale. That was why I sent the letter to you, despite the impropriety of it.”

“It was an offense that I am glad you undertook. I truly wished for there to be no miscommunication between us. And, when viewed at from the eyes of heaven, perhaps it is better that it worked out in the manner that it did.”

“How do you think so?”

“Well, when I got your letter, I was so flattered by your desire to visit my home that I set out to pay a call on you here, the very day that you said you were to arrive. While I knew that it may be regarded as presumptuous, I knew that you would not mind.”

I gave him a wide smile. “Of course, I would not have, for, after me threatening to come and see you at your home, I had no right to be amazed at your own presumption. We are two very hopeless souls, are we not? Whatever shall we do with each other?”

“Be kind to each other. For, it is apparent that we both are meant to be in each other’s lives.”

I gave him a side long glance. “Then, you regard us as friends once more?”

His eyes faltered at my uttering that sentence, but he recovered in the next moment.

“Yes,” he confirmed, “we are.”

“I am glad to hear it.”

“But I must ask, since I now know the history of your views on my person, I know that you at first held me in contempt.”

“Oh, we must not use the ‘c’ word.”

“Contempt?”

“Yes, for it brings back memories that are hurtful to recall. Let us recall the past in a manner through which is gives us pleasure.”

“Actually, this does give me pleasure, for your answering my question will solve a mystery.”

“Ah, a mystery! Very well, unfold your curiosity,” I teased, in a mock grave voice. “Lay it at my feet and let me inspect it.”

“You at first held me in contempt. Yet clearly that changed. When did you decide to take a second chance on me? For I have noticed that your mind has changed towards me more than