Platinum Dust (Urban Fiction) by K.C Blaze (libby ebook reader .txt) 📕

            My heartbeat picked up as we got closer to the visiting area. I could see the door that read off the rules

                                                            No Touching

                                           No Loud Talking

                                            & No Kissing

I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down before we reached the door. My C.O went through her usual check.

“Open your mouth, shake your head and remove your shoes” She slid her hands up and down my inner and outer thighs, turned my shoes upside down and shook them before allowing me to put them back on. Once she gave me the go ahead she unlocked the cuffs and opened the visiting door. I saw Amir standing alone and my heart sank. His eyes were saying sorry and then I became angry but stuffed the emotion down into the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want him to feel like I was ungrateful for his visit. In spite of the sign I gave him a quick hug and we sat down at the orange round table.

“I told him I was coming today but he didn’t want to hear it”

“No, no it’s cool, I’m happy to see you here.” I gave him a reassuring smile but I was pissed. Who the fuck does Raheim think he is? I gave him life and he thinks he can keep giving me his ass to kiss. Amir went on and on about his school work and what he was doing now. He didn’t want to answer me when I asked about the light bruise around his temple. Finally he admitted that he had a fight but didn’t want to tell me with who. It didn’t take much time for me to guess. I needed to step up my game and play my hand a little better. Pleading for Raheim’s sympathy was the wrong approach I needed to take it back to his level. The three hour visit was over before I could blink and before I knew it the loudspeaker was announcing visiting hour was coming to an end.

“I will keep trying for you mom. Raheim is still upset but I think he’ll come around” Amir looked me in my face and told me a lie. His brother wasn’t going to come around because he was just like Carlos. He held on to a grudge and did what he wanted to do. I went back to my cell with a long face.

“So, what happened? Did he show up?” Carla was waiting for the juice but I didn’t feel like her and all of her 50 questions. I kicked off my shoes and flopped on my thin mattress, turning my back to face her and tried to go to sleep. I needed a new strategy because waiting until he came around would be like waiting for hell to freeze over.

            A few hours had passed since my visit but I didn’t feel like leaving my cell. I couldn’t believe I was this upset about something I already knew might not happen anyway. I rethought about the letters I sent him and what I could have added that may have changed his mind. I should have told him that I wish I could take it all back. Either way I started feeling the concrete walls closing in around me. I would be here for the rest of my life and it was finally sinking in. My parents didn’t have any money and Amir was in school so he couldn’t help me with a good lawyer. Two girls that knew Raheim before they were put on lock down let me know that he drove around in an Escalade, wore the freshest gear and didn’t mind spending a few dollars when necessary.

“Lights out” the C.O shouted after our last head count and I was more than glad to be in silence. The constant chatter during the day could be deafening.

                                                            ************************

            The sunlight from the common area lit my small cell and metal clanking against metal as the rude ass correctional officers struck the bars with their night sticks. I jumped out of bed more from frustration than anything else waiting for them to do another count. Carla stood beside me wiping the sleep from her eyes. I was so over this bullshit, being told what to do and when all damn day was enough to drive any sane person crazy.

“So I guess he didn’t show up huh? Carla asked with a questioning tone.

“No bitch, now what? Whatever you have to say about it hurry up so I can get on with my day”

“Damn Janet, nobody gone bust your balls for wanting to see your son. Calm your ass down I’m just asking cause I know how excited you were whether your ass want to admit or not.”  She was right, a part of me wanted to see Raheim. I haven’t seen him since he was 11 years old but I need to stop fucking dreaming and come back to the real world.”

“It’ll be time for breakfast in a minute so you better brush your teeth” I changed the subject and lye back on my bed. I didn’t feel like eating another dry ass breakfast of cereal, a banana and a glass of orange juice.

            I skipped breakfast because I needed to work on a new strategy, something completely different from what I’ve been doing. Right when I was ready to set pencil to paper my C.O came to let me know I had a visitor.

“I’m not expecting anybody” I told her.

“Well, I’m not your damn messenger, you have ten minutes to get yourself together” she walked away with her keys smacking loudly against her hips. It could only be one thing, bad news. No one ever visits without telling me first especially on a weekday. I only hoped nothing happened to my mom, she looked pretty sick the last time she was here. She tried to fake it like everything was fine but she looked old and had a head full of salt and pepper hair. I wouldn’t be able to take it if something happened to her while I was in this hell hole.

            I quickly dressed and washed my face again. I didn’t care that my hair was a bit messed up from sleeping on it and my eyes were a bit puffy. My C.O came back and placed the cuffs back around my wrists and ankles only this time I hated the hard metal pressing into my flesh. I walked the same corridor from yesterday only today I felt like it was leading me to my own funeral. I dreaded seeing my father or aunt there to tell me my mother had passed away. Every scenario that could play in my head did and I reread the same set of rules while my C.O unlocked my wrists and told me to

“Open your mouth, shake your head and remove your shoes” I did all three with my heart beating fast and hard. Finally she opened the visiting room doors and I hesitated a moment before walking through.

My eyes scanned the room before resting on a tall figure with their back toward me. I didn’t recognize this person and figured they must have the wrong inmate. Just when I turned to look at the guard’s booth the man turned around causing my breath to catch in my throat.

“Carlos?” I whispered quietly, my eyes squinted in disbelief. He didn’t move only stared at me with his beautiful green eyes. I walked over to him like a lamb being led to the slaughter.

“Raheim?” I asked barely above a whisper before I dropped in the chair in front of the orange round visiting table. My legs couldn’t support my body; he stood over me for a brief moment before sitting in front of me. My heart raced and my head started pounding.

            We both stared at each other in silence for five minutes. I couldn’t believe how much he looked like Carlos, how manly he looked. Everything I planned on saying flew out of the window and a lump took its place in my throat. Before I could prevent myself my eyes began to water and the tears flowed like a river. I put my face in my hands and cried for every sin I ever committed. Through blurred tears I watched a range of emotions cross Raheim’s face. He went from confusion, anger, disbelief and finally grief as he watched me cry. I tried to compose myself before the guards came to cut our meeting short.

“I wasn’t expecting you to come”

“I didn’t plan on coming here either, but I have some questions that I need to have answered” I knew this would happen and I just prayed I would have the right answers he needed especially since my whole life depended on it.

“Ok”

“Why did you do it?” His voice cracked and for a moment I thought he would break down but he didn’t.

“My letters explained why” he cut me off before I could get to the end of my explanation.

“Fuck your letters, I want to know how can you kick your kid out of the house and never look back?”

I really didn’t have an explanation but I would have to give him one.

“I was hurting at the time and I couldn’t think clearly Raheim. I swear I wish I could take it back because I would.”

“You know what is real fucked up? Your ass didn’t think about nobody but yourself. You said to hell with being a mom and killed a nigga you already knew was no good. You fucking left me and Amir like you was on some ole’ hero shit, like we supposed to be proud of your ass or something”

I was speechless and his words stung but I took it. He had a right to vent and I would give him that much.

“Do you know what it’s like to have what you’ve always wanted placed before you then to have it snatched from you within a moment’s notice? Do you know what it’s like to look two little kids in the face who didn’t deserve the life you created for them? Before you go off judging me you may want to live in my shoes.” His face twisted into a look of disbelief.

“Live in your shoes huh? Well are those the same damn shoes that walked me to my aunt’s house seven hours away walking? Or how about the same shoes that left you mother and father less, tell me something Janet did you really want kids or did you think we would help you hold onto your man?”

As much as I wanted to give him a chance to express himself I couldn’t tolerate the disrespect.

“Wait a minute Raheim, You don’t have to like me but you will at least talk to me like you got some damn sense. I loved your father more than the air I breathed and I couldn’t have him thinking it was ok to treat me or my kids like we ain’t mean shit.”

“Do you know how fucking low you made me feel? I don’t give a damn about Carlos or what the fuck he did to you but I didn’t do shit and had to pay for it. You know what? I’m out; I should have never come here in the first place.” He moved his chair back like he was ready to leave. My heart beat fast knowing that this was my only chance to change his mind.

“Wait! Listen, I know what I did was wrong but I made you leave to protect you” At that moment I stopped caring about the nosy broads sitting in the chair a few tables over. Many of them were