Don’t Believe Them by Leah Parker (cat reading book .TXT) 📕

didn’t know what to say, I was overjoyed that my mum wanted to spend time with me. I sent a smiley face back to her hoping she saw it. My mind was filled to the rim of memories of us since I was just a wee lad and I started tearing up. She wanted to see me and have lunch with me; what more could I ask for?

I met me mammy at about half twelve and she was early for once. She hugged me as soon as our eyes met. “Oh my gosh, Jesse! You’re skin and bones!” She pointed out. I have been feeling like really insecure about my weight loss and her pointing it out to me made me cross my arms and look to the ground. She lifted my head up with her fingertips and I instantly felt so much better. Weirdly, mum looked fantastic. Not being rude, but she used to be a little big but now she is so skinny and I’m so proud of her, she’s proved herself and I that she is a fit mother. I just wish we could live together again but she wanted to kick me out anyway before I was taken and now I’m gone, she wants to get to know me again. It’s not right, but it’s okay. I will help her be a better mammy if she lets me and I will be a better son if she needs me to. I’m willing to change just to live with her again.

For lunch mum took me to a pizza parlour and she ordered my favourite pizza in the world-Hawaiian. It was perfect and she was perfect. She may be my mother, but she felt more like a best friend to me; a better friend than anyone else in my life- including Mickey and I admired that. I didn’t admire that she was a somewhat bad mother, no, I admired that she was a somewhat bad mother who pulled herself out of the ground to be there for her son after a few months. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

There’s not really much to say about today but I’m going to tell it. I tried to stay strong for me ma but I couldn’t, it was hard for me to see her struggle being without me and she finds it hard because of her mental illnesses. I should never have fought Tucker, if I didn’t, he would still be alive, I would be with mum and Eilis and Ricky wouldn’t be going to prison for homicide. I messed up everyone’s lives and I feel so guilty about that and I need to face the music. I need to be able to live with it. Live with myself. One day, I will find peace and I will be happy again. I will. Lately, I’ve been putting myself on an eating rota. My alarm will also go off on my phone every hour so I can eat some food and every four hours to take my antidepressants. It is a nightmare but I have kind of seen a change in my body; I’ve noticed that my face is getting rounder and I have a small stomach. And I’m proud of it.

My nutritionist told me I wasn’t allowed to exercise a lot like I usually do because that would mean getting thinner and burning off everything that I’ve eaten but I am allowed to do muscle exercises as muscle weighs more than fat but I still need to put on fat to live. It’s scary knowing you can die just from throwing up and binge eating, and I could’ve been one of those teens on the news for mental health. That’s not how I want to go, I want to die when I’m in my eighty’s and healthy.

Eating every hour is hurting my jaw. Literally, I ate a bag of crisps in class, a bar of chocolate and half a bottle of cola. I have to do this so I get bigger but I do start feeling sick and think that I’m getting fat. I absolutely hate being fat! Ooh I’m thinking like a bulimic victim, I can’t. Fortunately, I have to take my pills. Those rancid capsules. Thank God I have me ma back, she can encourage me to take my pills if I encourage her too. It’s hard having a mental illness because you want or need to do something but there’s a malfunction in your head that makes you not do it and do something else such as, in my case, vomiting or working out excessively. It’s not fun and anyone who wishes to have a mental illness, don’t. You will regret it.

Like a good son, I told my mum everything that has happened and she was so accepting and kind about it. Hopefully I can stay with her over the weekend without social services knowing as they would make sure I never saw her again; they would probably arrest Mickey’s parents and take me and Mickey to England or somewhere else in Europe. It’s not fair! She gave birth to me and I’m not allowed to see her, she’s a better mum than Mickey’s and Addie’s mums put together. Not being rude, being truthful.

Back at Mickey’s, I go a phone call. I answered it thinking it was a prank call and it was my dad. How he got my number, I do not know. We were talking:

“Jesse-Ringo, hey” hey said quietly

“Hi? Why are you phoning me?” I replied interrogating him.

“I want to take you home, to live with me. In Belfast, you’re FAMOUS!” He answered. So he was using me for my fame, great, that’s definitely how I want to remember him.

“You’re tripping, Scott, no way. There is no way in hell I’m living with you. I’d rather be eaten alive by crocodiles in an infested pond.” I was livid that he wanted me to be his son. No, to him I am just a stranger. I don’t want to know him and I never will.

“Come on, Jesse, I’m your dad. Call me ‘dad’ not ‘Scott’.” I would never be caught dead calling him ‘dad’. I was filled with fury so I hung up. If he thinks I’m going to be his son, he thought wrong. I am never going to be his son; he’s nothing to me. Nothing. I may be his own flesh and blood but he is a deadbeat and I want him to stay that way so I don’t get hurt anymore than what I already am.

I’m not too sure on who to trust anymore. Everyone I have ever loved has gone and left me and I can’t do anything about it; all I can do is watch it crumble to the ground. I have these thoughts in my head about Mickey being my true friend or not, it crazy because if he wasn’t then why would he get his parents to foster me? But last night I heard him talk about me to someone on the phone, was he speaking with Scott? Or was he hiring a hitman? Guess I’ll never know unless someone tries to kill me.

I keep looking at my phone, reading the text from Eilis-“Don’t believe them”- how could I not believe them? Her and Ricky have gone on trial to find out their sentencing of murder. The jury will probably let them walk free as they’re just kids, they need to go away and for a long time. Even though we’re friends, what else are they capable of? Oh, I don’t really want to think about that actually, my brain cells are filled with memories of his death and it is exhausting.

I was walking Cooper in the woods when a guy jumped out at me. He startled me and I just stood there feeling awkward while he hugged me. Finally the ominous man pulled away with tears in his eyes. “What are you doing?” I asked giving him a tone. He pulled out a newspaper article from his back pocket and pointed to a picture of me. I’m famous. I was in the front page of the most popular Irish daily newspaper. It said that I had called the Garda on Ricky and Eilis’ incident when I didn’t. Wait….It said at the bottom in fine print:

Story told by Mickey Murphy

That jade. That sneaky jade. I trusted him and he betrays me? How is that friendship? It’s not. I called Cooper and put him on his lead and stormed home. At home, I slammed his door open, secretly hurting my hand, and yelled “Who the hell do you think you are, Michael Elliot Murphy?!” When I use his full name he knows he is in trouble. Michael looked up at me astonished. His mouth was wide open like he was a baby waiting for the feeding spoon. I threw the article on his bed and stormed out slamming the door shut. I pulled it that hard, I thought the door handle came off in my hand. The adrenaline that was going through my thick veins made me fall down the stairs. I hit my head on the skirting board and I think I blacked out because the next think I know I’m laying tucked up in my bed with a damp face cloth on my forehead. It took me a good two seconds to realise where I was; I was worried. Mary looked over me sympathetically and felt the face cloth and it was as dry as a bone. She took it off my head to take my temperature and it was normal. Struggling, I got out of bed and looked in the mirror to see a fresh wound in my hairline. It hurt quite bad but something caught my eye; a shimmer of an earring. I saw my mum in the hallway, checking up on me and her face was so pale like Casper the friendly ghost. I thought I could see her brain pulsing in her skull. The vain in her head looked like it was going to burst and I could even smell her fear. Now I sound like someone who has just got out of jail.

After and hour of sitting in front of the tv with crisps, I got bored and the bandage on my head was way too tight, it was hurting. There was nothing good on the tv either, only daytime television like the news. I had never been so bored in my life. I still hadn’t forgiven or forgotten what Mickey did; it was inexcusable and whoever betrays their best friends, are cowards who cannot face their ‘friend’ because of the bad stuff they had done. I’m done, I’m washing my hands with him. I can’t take the pain and pressure he’s putting on me. I know someone who wants me….

 

26/9

 

“Let’s do it!” I yelled into my phone. I took Scott up on the offer mainly because I hadn’t seen him in years and I supposedly have a baby sister and I’m not sure if it’s true so I need to go and see for myself.

Knowing he can pick me up at midnight, I packed as quick as possible but made sure I didn’t leave a clue of where I was going. It was only half ten in the morning but packing all the stuff I needed took a lifetime. I only used one duffel bag to hold all my bow ties and some of my favourite shirts, I also packed some of my shoes like one pair of studded, healed boots and my black and blue trainers. They were the shoes I use the most. I can’t wait for midnight now, hoping my dad isn’t a drug addict or alcoholic. I hope he is a good dad and accepting because after he finds out about me, he will probably kick me out.

Leaving my room for breakfast, I made sure I locked my door and put the key back