Where you belong by Samantha Thomas (best color ebook reader .txt) 📕

this is not something you can go back on honey, once it’s done…it’s done forever. There’s absolutely no going back from there. It’s my job to make sure absolutely 100% that this is your unwavering, hard-set decision. She looked on at me waiting for my answers, and still I couldn’t speak, and even though I heard everything she said and asked of me, all I truly kept hearing was my mother saying my father couldn’t stand me, her saying she was the mother of a whore, and Matt’s disgustingly hateful words. I took a deep jagged intake of breath, swiped away at my tears and spoke ‘yes.’ she extended her hand out and patted mine with hers lingering just a second more before she said alright and went in search of a few sheets of paper.

“She told me to sign, I did. And she called through her phone to someone who appeared at the door a few seconds later with some paper work and told me to follow her. I got and did just that. I never felt my feet as I walked on, I felt as if I were standing still and everything was passing by me, but on it went until we came to a back room where she used a card she had to swipe to get into. Once there she handed me a basket and told me to take it into the bathroom and get changed, everything but my socks. I did just that and when I was done she led me into a room where I was told to lay down on a table like all the doctors offices have and I did. I look around a little and didn’t notice anything different really except for this flat screen attached to this other huge machine. Next thing I know a lady come in and asks my to lay this paper sheet over me, and lift my gown up to my stomach. She squirts this cold jelly on it, and lifts up something from that big machine with the flat screen attached to it-it kinda looked like a price scanner from a grocery store- and she presses it to my belly rolling it all around in the cold goo.

“Ah, there it is. Looks about 9 weeks old and it wont stay still so I can get a good read.’ the lady said and suddenly I heard ‘9 weeks?’ and the lady who had that thing to my stomach said ‘Yup looks like it.’ and then I looked over at the machine and in black and white I saw this wiggly round thing jumping all around. What the hell was that? I thought to myself, and just then the lady saw me looking and turned the screen away, and took the thing she poked me with off and wiped me clean. ‘All set’ I sat up and the other nurse whom I only noticed when she asked ‘9 weeks’ told me to come with her and she brought me to a room where she took my blood again, and told me to put two white pills on the insides of my cheeks. She said don’t bit or chew them just let them rest on the insides of your cheeks. I did and then she brought me into another room where about six other girls were. I gulped confused, some of the numbness starting to ebb around the edges and then returned as if nothing had ever happen and I took my seat.

“The girls in this room looked terrified, sick, pale, and disgusted. And really, really young. I sat there with my head down and some time latter-I don’t know how long-my name was called. I got and followed. I was led into a dimly lit room and asked to lay down on a table, just before I got there, a female doctor extended her hand stopping me and introduced her self, I shook her hand numbly and finished my task. From there an IV line was placed in my arm and then other things sticky things were attached to my chest and arms. And soon I felt funny. A nurse appeared by my side and said ‘Your gonna go down now, it’ll be quick ok.’ and I was wicked confused suddenly because I thought I was already down. And then everything melted away. And it all went black.

“The next thing I knew, I woke up in a new room not the one I just thought I was. And again I was surrounded by girls and we were all in weird reclining dark blue chairs. Some of them I noticed from the other room and the rest not a clue. It was a while later and I was given gram crackers and ginger ale. My IV was removed and I was told to try and stand up and go to the bathroom and change back into my clothes I wore here. I went to stand up and nearly lost it. It was a miracle the nurse was right by my side because she caught me before I dove towards the floor, and she sat me back down.

“Later when I was better and all dressed I was placed in another room with another nurse and doctor. She introduced herself as Nancy and she asked me ‘What birth control do you plan on using?’ still a little groggy I answered ‘I honestly have no idea. Um, the strongest one?’ she laughed and said they are all the same amount of strength, and proceeded to show me many samples finally we settled on the Depo shot, and I’d get it every 3 months. She also handed me tons and tons of condoms she even went in search of all the flavored ones the place had and handed me all of those too. ‘Oh honey don’t you worry we get another new shipment in another hour or so. Take em’ have em’ use em well’ and I wont be seeing you back here for another abortion alright? Take care now honey, head out this door right here and take a left and it’s the first door on the right. Go through there hand them this slip, sign out and your all set to leave. Really. Take care now ok?’ and that was it I mechanically stood nodded after each and every word/statement she said and sounded off and went about my way doing each and everything she said to do and then just I turned around from signing the leaving sheet, my mother caught up to me. ‘Are you al set now? It’s good and out of ya right?’ I stood sickened at my monster of a mother as everything slowly but with a pounding driving force settled in on me telling me what had just happened. What I just did.”

As soon as she stopped speaking and my hospital room came back into focus and her horror story’s echo died off my eyes found her face, and to say I was absolutely horrified was the worlds worst understatement.

Her face was completely void of all color, and she wasn’t even looking at me. She wasn’t close to me either but edged all the way to the end of my bed one leg still in the cris cross position and the other resting on the floor. She stared off at the wall or window and her eyes were not seeing, not of anything that was here and now. No she was off far away to what was most definitely the worst day of her life.

I was speechless, my heart was even more broken then before she arrived, and all I kept thinking was how bad I felt for her just in this moment. A moment I will never forget the rest of my life. I had no idea, and how could I have? My heart ached for her and what she went through each and every part of it. We were so much alike just now, and closer based on our lives then I ever would have thought possible. I never thought I’d know this girl before me not ever in my wildest dreams. I thought I knew the skanky bitch everyone at school knew as Ashley, my sometimes but mostly never friend. I never thought she wasn’t even close to that person everyone thought she was, never knew this girl existed. This girl that needed somebody, anybody more then she needed air just now, and she just didn’t have that.

The worst part of all was she had a whole ‘home’ a father and a mother who are still married. Who actually loved each other and cared for her, well up until this point I guess, or maybe not truly ever… in the face of all that has happened she needed someone anyone to care for her, to love her, show her a kindness that no one in her life possessed and she was just left and tossed aside, both mentally and physically. My life sucked worse then anything I could imagine but I expected that after all this time, knew it was inevitable. But she… didn’t even have a clue. She was Ashley the head cheerleader, the dancer the sexy popular girl who all the other girls looked up to, almost prized student-due to her coping me-and could have any guy she wanted. She had the family every kid wants, the parents, the clothes, the cars, the freedom, the money. But the love?

Ashley wasn’t even close to the girl I thought I knew she was, couldn’t touch her. This girl sitting in front of me was a new Ashley an Ashley that no matter what, I decided that I would help her, befriend her, care for her, and love her no matter what. Because this girl needed all of those things more than myself just now. And I was really down and out. But I had wanted my baby and even in my situation I had found a way to keep my baby. I got help from people and the state. But Ashley… she was forced to kill her baby. She wasn’t even well enough to make that decision, she didn’t even know where she was or what she was doing. No one even talked to her about it, her mother and father made that decision for her and didn’t even tell her. She got no support from the people she needed it most from. And in a last stitch effort for someone to care, someone to help and understand her she called Matt, and look where that got her.

Looking at her again she was so much like me, almost the exact same position, only her baby wasn’t taken by some strangers her baby wasn’t here anymore. And she really, really regretted it. She wanted her baby. And I’m most positive with time she would have gotten her shit together and gotten over her horrendous shock, but like I and she said she wasn’t even given the chance.
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