Nobody's Fault by Derek Haines (rm book recommendations txt) 📕

was Thursday morning. His wife in deep concentration, looking out the apartment window at nothing. David concentrating just as deeply into the bottom of an empty coffee mug. He broke the silence. ‘I am resigning. I want to go back to Perth to see my kids. I have had enough.’
She didn’t move her stare from the nothing she was looking at through the window. Her mind running. All the work she had put into her job. Unnoticed by David. She was successful. But only David mattered to David.
Her reply came after a long silence. ‘You know David, when I came to your office a few months back, that day I had the dentist appointment nearby, and you took me so graciously to lunch at your staff canteen; I noticed something. Your office is smaller than mine. Much smaller. And it has no view. You know I have a view of the harbour from my office. Your office furnishing are cheap ex rental shit. The desk lamp on my desk is worth more than everything in your office! Do you realise David, in my office we have Royal Doultan china. And, when I go to lunch, it is normally to a five fucking star restaurant. You think you are someone David Holdsworth. You think you have been a success. You think the universe rotates around you. Do you know I earn more than you? Fuck you David!’
David’s stare had not moved from the empty coffee cup. How do you answer a tirade such as that? How do you admit your guilt? There was no argument to have, she was right. Every word was right. He pondered that she had missed an awful lot that she could throw at him. He was selfish. No doubt.
‘I can’t say anything except, I am sorry.’ he said, still with his eyes glued to the coffee cup. The only thing I know, is that I miss my kids, and I have to be able to see them. I just…just...miss them.’ with his voice fading away.
‘Do what you want. As you always do. I will do as I am told. As I always do.’ she quietly said as she rose from the table, grabbed her handbag, and left for work. David sat. Still with his eyes glued to the bottom of his empty coffee mug. ‘Who am I?’ he thought.
After Sydney’s mild climate, A scorching January 1990 was not a welcome return home for David and his wife. Renting and un-air conditioned house, with no furniture as it was lost somewhere between Sydney and Perth, made it doubly worse. Within six weeks after much chaos, they bought a house in Duncraig. Famous for being popular with eastern staters. The humour wasn’t lost on David. ‘It’s going to take me years to be classed as a local again.’ he joked with his wife.
They settled in quickly. There were only two problems. David couldn’t find work. And his ex-wife was fighting his weekend access rights to his kids in the Family Court. He could see them at his ex-wife’s house, and she would allow him to take them out for an afternoon, but she was standing firm on him not having them as was originally agreed at their divorce, that he could have them every second weekend from Friday evening to Sunday evening. After what was a difficult divorce, David did not relish another episode in court. He hired a solicitor to handle the application. During the four months it took to secure his original access rights, David had had no luck finding a suitable job. Well, none that he liked. He decided he would start his own business. It was a good decision.
DPS Plumbing Supplies started on a kitchen table. Equipped with a telephone and a telephone book, and note book and pencil, David started building a business. Within a year, he asked his wife, who was doing well as a software consultant, to join him. His business was growing rapidly. She agreed. For almost the first time in their six years together, this husband and wife became a team. They enjoyed working side by side, and not surprisingly learned of and appreciated each other’s skills. They were both very capable hard working people. With the children accepting his new wife very well, and every second weekend being family time with his eight year old daughter and ten year old son, David felt his life settle. This was where David would later wish he had stayed.
It was a simple business decision. May 1993. David and his wife were in total agreement. The business had grown to a point that they cold not continue to operate from Perth. David was spending more time in Sydney than at home in Perth. With his old contacts and customers from his time in Sydney it was easy pickings for him. But the business needed to be moved. With his children now old enough to travel by themselves, he solaced himself in being able to see them on holidays, and on what would be frequent business trips back to Perth from Sydney. There were some regrets in his mind, but this time the move to Sydney was supported by his wife, and the kids were excited at being able to fly to Sydney to see dad.
Expecting some tough early times in Sydney, David and his wife braced themselves for twelve months solid hard labour to get the business set up in Sydney. Luck was shining on DPS. Before their feet had touched the ground, David received a telephone call on his mobile phone. They had flown in two days before, and were in the midst of finding a place to live.
‘David, it’s Jim Brown. Will you be in Sydney soon?’
‘I am in Sydney at the moment Jim.’
‘Oh great. Could you come and see me tomorrow. I’d like to go over a few minor points with you. The board has accepted you tender. I just need to clarify a couple of their queries with you before I sign it off.’
‘Ok Jim, about ten thirty alright for you?’
‘Make it eleven Dave. See you then.’
‘Ok, bye Jim.’
David stood still, and let it sink in. Four months before he left Perth, he had been invited to submit a tender for supply of components to one of the major national retail hardware chains, Handy Sam’s Hardware. As a major buyer, all the major suppliers including of course, his old company submitted tenders. He had thought that his invitation to tender by Jim Brown was more or less just Jim being polite after having him as a customer when he was in Sydney previously. He had got on well with Jim Brown, but certainly not on a buddy basis. ‘There’s a lot of work in preparing this tender for Sam’s.’ he remembered commenting to his wife at the time it arrived. ‘But, who knows, we might be able to supply a few small lines to them later if I can get my foot in the door with this.’
His wife came looking for David. They were in the middle of inspecting a house with a real estate agent when his mobile phone rang. He excused himself and went out into the front garden. She found him there, still looking a little bemused.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked
‘I think we have just won the Sam’s tender.’
‘What!’ she exclaimed. ‘The whole lot?’
‘Yep.’
‘Shit!’ was all she could think of to say. And then blushed a little as she remembered the real estate woman was standing by her side. ‘Oh I am sorry.’ she said.
‘Good news then?’ enquired the woman.
‘Yes, very good indeed.’ David said to her, but looking at his wife and smiling.
A few days later, David had the contract between DPS and Sam’s safely signed and in his briefcase when he returned to his wife and business partner at their hotel. This one contract had taken them way past their expected first year earnings they had budgeted on in their calculations. Less than a week in Sydney and DPS was now secure. Hard work from here on in would be for cream, not for survival.
The move to Sydney was partly to save the amount of travel David was doing from Perth to Sydney and Melbourne. It didn’t stop the travel. The destinations changed. With larger contracts and the need to secure supply, David spent far more time away now overseas. He and his wife had become secure and strong business partners, in the years since DPS started. What they hadn’t done in that time was repair their marriage that had been fragile from its very first day. They could discuss and make rational joint business decisions together in moments. They couldn’t talk to each other about their emotions or feelings for a single minute. Both felt strong and secure in their business environment. Without it, they were both insecure individuals.
After three hectic years in Sydney, and with a secure financial position attained, both David and his wife agreed that it was time to slow down a little. Selling off DPS and buying a small beachside property north of Sydney, they slowed down what had been a hectic life since they had met eleven years before. They certainly were not wealthy enough to retire, but with David working part time on some small projects and clients, they could sustain things. It was time to relax, and spend time together. Life was too short. As his children were becoming young adults, and his regular contact established, even the internal cinema of David’s guilt had started to play less frequently. His guilt remained, but it was contained and manageable now. He felt in control of himself for the first time in his life. David and his wife finally got to know each other, honestly and without any camouflage. David discovered a fragile woman, lost in her past, wounded and bitter. He spent his time loving her and trying to heal and comfort her. She discovered a man guilty about his life, insecure, with an instinct to run from not only failure and success, but from love and life. She spent her time falling out of love with him.

VIII
Still Waters

Mid-life crisis, seven year itch, and life begins at forty. All common catch cries used to stereotype and explain and categorise the feelings and reactions of men in particular, reaching the mid point in their lives. The time a wife may suspect her husband is wandering off to discover his youth. Or suffering mild bouts of depression because he has finally succumbed to having to need glasses to read the newspaper. Any of his concerns are answered by his elder peers, with ‘Ahhh your life is only beginning.’ For two men at this age, they are settled. Happy. Content with their achievements. Neither feel a crisis. Neither feel an itch. Secure in their minds that they have done the hard yards Both have toiled to achieve what they have. Neither wealthy men. Neither intellectual men. Neither with a grudge to bear. For another younger man, he is just starting to build his life at thirty.
Nineteen ninety-seven.
‘Have you got the Ridgeway accounts to trial balance?’ Steven asked his assistant. ‘Yes, I finished this morning. It’s all in their file Steve.’ she replied, hardly looking up from her computer screen.
‘Thanks.’ he said walking off to the client files. After scanning the accounts in the file he rang Mr Ridgeway. He picked up the phone and dialled. Norm Ridgeway answered.
‘Oh hi Norm, it’s Steve Sharp. I have your accounts ready. When would you like to meet to discuss your tax returns?’
‘Yeah, here would be fine. Eleven Friday. Fine. See you then.’ He hung up the phone as he made his diary entry for Friday morning.
For three years,