Nobody's Fault by Derek Haines (rm book recommendations txt) 📕
Excerpt from the book:
Three men, David, Tony and Steve come from three different, but very average Australian upbringings. Each with a different set of values and morals learned from their childhood and teenage years. Each could be described as typical or average. The story of these three men revolves around a period of one year when their attitudes and reactions to life are tested by pain, upheaval and dislocation. When these men are stripped of their family, home, love and security, the essence of each man is uncovered.
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- Author: Derek Haines
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Why had he been powerless to stop it? Why had the more than ten years of their marriage been of so little value to her? Why? Why? Why?
The words of his solicitor rang in his head. ‘Nobody’s fault.’
‘How could it be nobody’s fault?’ Dave thought. ‘My wife has sex with another man. She leaves me. Strips my home. Destroys my dignity, self esteem and self worth. Taking with her not only my wife, but my best friend. My business partner. My life. My solicitor tells me she will get half of everything. And judging by her clean out of the house, her idea of half is much bigger than mine. He tells me it’s just a fact of life now. Well, fuck the facts in law. She is at fault. She is the fucking whore. Not me! For fuck sake. How can it be nobody’s fucking fault?’ David head was running in overdrive with anger and loss. He tried to calm himself with a drink. ‘Oh for fucking Christ’s sake!’ he screamed. ‘The bitch has even emptied the liquor cupboard. When will this end?’
He recovered his composure to a small degree, and decided he should eat something. Since his wife had left, he had found sleeping and eating had become optional activities. Making two sandwiches and a cup of coffee, he sat down in front of the TV, hoping it would at least take his mind somewhere else.
As he turned it on, the news reader was finishing an article on ‘some rebel activity in Afghanistan’. The news reader started the next news item.
‘In Perth today, a man in his mid thirties was found dead in his car, with his three children. He had placed a pipe over the exhaust and into the vehicle. The children were aged seven, five and seventeen months. It is believed a Family Court dispute triggered the event.’
‘In Washington, President Cl…..’ David turned the TV off.
His mind was alerted by the tragedy of the husband and three children. The clinical and nonchalant manner of the report. ‘It is believed a Family Court dispute triggered the event.’ ran over and over in his mind. It made it sound such a trivial reason to kill yourself and your three children. What would make a man do that? Worse still, this was not the first time this had happened. This was so usual it was treated on the news in the same way a traffic accident was reported. ‘The accident was believed to have been caused by bad weather.’
David recalled events he had heard reported in recent years. He hadn’t taken any notice at the time. He was removed from needing to know or be involved, so he took no notice then. But now he did take notice. ‘Wasn’t there a woman shot dead by her husband on the step of the Family Court?’ he thought to himself. ‘Parramatta I think.’
‘Depression and suicide at a remote Queensland mine. That’s right, I remember seeing a documentary about that.’ Suddenly David recalled many stories he had seen and heard. He thought as he slowly ate his last sandwich.
‘All this pain and suffering, and it’s nobody’s fault huh? Must make everyone involved feel a whole lot better.’
David started his new life on Monday morning. Alone and fearful on the inside. A facade of confidence. He had to get on with his life. Everyone told him that, and it sounded like very good advice to follow. In time he would learn that what he had needed was time to grieve. He didn’t know at the time that this was what he was feeling. Grief. Someone wise would tell him later, that it would be normal to grieve at the loss of a wife if she had died. Society accepts this as normal. In David’s case, not only did he suffer the same sudden loss of his wife, but had the anger of what she had done to him. This was worse than death. In death he could have remembered all the wonderful things his wife had bought to his life. He would have had fond memories. He would have had a certainty in death.
Instead, he had not only the sense of loss a death would have bought. He had anger, bitterness, guilt, sorrow, and a painful hurt. He also had a society telling him to be angry at her, get even, call her a bitch. Forget her, get on with your life. ‘You are better off without her.’ Had David been allowed to grieve, his acceptance would have been far speedier. Unfortunately, he wasn’t.
Before he knew it, the legal process of dissolving his marriage was under way. Barely weeks after she had left, the legal process began its assault on David’s self worth and dignity. He was expecting a quick painless process. His matter was very simple he was told by his solicitor. ‘You are lucky there are no children involved.’ he was assured by Charlie Stewart, as if he had won the lottery.
By the time a year had passed David would wonder what lucky meant. He would become so frustrated, disillusioned, angry and beaten. He would think, ‘If I am one of the lucky ones, God help the not so lucky. The fathers.’ There was not a week that passed by in the first year of David’s separation that the stupidity of the expression, nobody’s fault, would not enter his mind. ‘Was it nobody’s fault that a man kills himself and his three children?’ Imprint
The words of his solicitor rang in his head. ‘Nobody’s fault.’
‘How could it be nobody’s fault?’ Dave thought. ‘My wife has sex with another man. She leaves me. Strips my home. Destroys my dignity, self esteem and self worth. Taking with her not only my wife, but my best friend. My business partner. My life. My solicitor tells me she will get half of everything. And judging by her clean out of the house, her idea of half is much bigger than mine. He tells me it’s just a fact of life now. Well, fuck the facts in law. She is at fault. She is the fucking whore. Not me! For fuck sake. How can it be nobody’s fucking fault?’ David head was running in overdrive with anger and loss. He tried to calm himself with a drink. ‘Oh for fucking Christ’s sake!’ he screamed. ‘The bitch has even emptied the liquor cupboard. When will this end?’
He recovered his composure to a small degree, and decided he should eat something. Since his wife had left, he had found sleeping and eating had become optional activities. Making two sandwiches and a cup of coffee, he sat down in front of the TV, hoping it would at least take his mind somewhere else.
As he turned it on, the news reader was finishing an article on ‘some rebel activity in Afghanistan’. The news reader started the next news item.
‘In Perth today, a man in his mid thirties was found dead in his car, with his three children. He had placed a pipe over the exhaust and into the vehicle. The children were aged seven, five and seventeen months. It is believed a Family Court dispute triggered the event.’
‘In Washington, President Cl…..’ David turned the TV off.
His mind was alerted by the tragedy of the husband and three children. The clinical and nonchalant manner of the report. ‘It is believed a Family Court dispute triggered the event.’ ran over and over in his mind. It made it sound such a trivial reason to kill yourself and your three children. What would make a man do that? Worse still, this was not the first time this had happened. This was so usual it was treated on the news in the same way a traffic accident was reported. ‘The accident was believed to have been caused by bad weather.’
David recalled events he had heard reported in recent years. He hadn’t taken any notice at the time. He was removed from needing to know or be involved, so he took no notice then. But now he did take notice. ‘Wasn’t there a woman shot dead by her husband on the step of the Family Court?’ he thought to himself. ‘Parramatta I think.’
‘Depression and suicide at a remote Queensland mine. That’s right, I remember seeing a documentary about that.’ Suddenly David recalled many stories he had seen and heard. He thought as he slowly ate his last sandwich.
‘All this pain and suffering, and it’s nobody’s fault huh? Must make everyone involved feel a whole lot better.’
David started his new life on Monday morning. Alone and fearful on the inside. A facade of confidence. He had to get on with his life. Everyone told him that, and it sounded like very good advice to follow. In time he would learn that what he had needed was time to grieve. He didn’t know at the time that this was what he was feeling. Grief. Someone wise would tell him later, that it would be normal to grieve at the loss of a wife if she had died. Society accepts this as normal. In David’s case, not only did he suffer the same sudden loss of his wife, but had the anger of what she had done to him. This was worse than death. In death he could have remembered all the wonderful things his wife had bought to his life. He would have had fond memories. He would have had a certainty in death.
Instead, he had not only the sense of loss a death would have bought. He had anger, bitterness, guilt, sorrow, and a painful hurt. He also had a society telling him to be angry at her, get even, call her a bitch. Forget her, get on with your life. ‘You are better off without her.’ Had David been allowed to grieve, his acceptance would have been far speedier. Unfortunately, he wasn’t.
Before he knew it, the legal process of dissolving his marriage was under way. Barely weeks after she had left, the legal process began its assault on David’s self worth and dignity. He was expecting a quick painless process. His matter was very simple he was told by his solicitor. ‘You are lucky there are no children involved.’ he was assured by Charlie Stewart, as if he had won the lottery.
By the time a year had passed David would wonder what lucky meant. He would become so frustrated, disillusioned, angry and beaten. He would think, ‘If I am one of the lucky ones, God help the not so lucky. The fathers.’ There was not a week that passed by in the first year of David’s separation that the stupidity of the expression, nobody’s fault, would not enter his mind. ‘Was it nobody’s fault that a man kills himself and his three children?’ Imprint
Publication Date: 11-09-2010
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