Fin by A.R.C. (ink ebook reader TXT) 📕

haven't got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last,
I wish it wasn't so...

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,

I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And i don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending Is starting again!!

All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what i haven't got...

This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violet rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
(Holding on to what i haven't got)

We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear
(Holding on to what i haven't got!)


-*Linkin Park "Waiting For The End"

)


***********************************************


*HONOR*


Lucky for me, I had gotten dropped off after I was done recooperating at that church. Had much to think about as well as I watched the people pack up the boxes and then went to drop them off to random places. I've heard tales one after the other about what some regretted, most had no regrets at all. Others shared their happy moments in their lives and what they had overcome. I sat there listening and each story broke whatever wall I was building up from the incident I had with Justin.

I had always heard the saying "life is too short" and pretty soon, we won't have a cliff to hang on to. There were also married couples profounding their love to one and other and how they would do it all over again if it was ever possible to go back to the time they fallen in love with each other. I went on a private reverie and thought how long I felt alone after mom had passed away. How I spent over a year fantasing about a guy who I thought never noticed me and couldn't have noticed me and now coming to be close to a week, I had fianlly gotten my wish-and I push him away.

I was grateful for the food that they offered and even more grateful for the conversations. But It had gotten me slightly depressed and all I wanted to do was to go home and see if I can reach Justin. I didn't know how crazy the streets were getting until my ride had dropped me off. Cars set on fire, people getting hammered off of Gin, Tequilla, Scotch-you name it. Some were starting to break into other peoples homes. My driver asked, "Are you sure you want to come back here?" I did thought about it but all I can think of, all I can feel was Justin. "Yeah...I'm sure I'm going to be ok. You better get out of here before they rade you."

By the time I got out and hurried on up to my apartment, my kind driver didn't waste no time hauling the tail out of the area. That was an hour ago. Since then the crowd down stairs had populated twenty times over. The power had went out as well so the only light was the fires that had remained burning from cars and trash cans. The clock winding down on ever t.v. screen blacked out so it will forever remained a cliff hanger to us as we hung on blindly in suspence and horror of how much time was left ticking. If I could remember, the last numbers I had seen gave us approximately less than a day and three hours lift.

Less than a day...what was I thinking walking away from Justin the way I did? Now I have to be alone and submerged into the craziness that was developing downstairs of my building. And yet through all that was going on...somewhere in the distance on the other side of the building someone was playing a record of some sort. The power had gone out since God knows when and there was on the other side was complete darkness and a sky filled with stars. I have never seen so many stars, all have its own twinkle.

My mother use to tell me that those stars were angels looking down on us. "Angels?" I would asked confused. "That's not what I learned in school." She would laugh lightly and say, "By Faith, Honor. Not by sight..." That had gotten me more confused and I gave up trying to as any further of what she was talking about. As this night fell uopn us all, I couldn't help but wonder was this a show for them to see what will happen-the angels that is. No, what kind of enjoyment is that for them? The music that carrying through the night...I couldn't understand what the woman was singing about it but it was so soft and alluring.

I rathered be on this side of the building in darkness than over to the chaos going about. In the still of night, is the eye of rapture that is to come to us all. And the voice sang out to calm us while the stars-the angels were set in the skies to let us know everything is going to be alright... (@ you may have to turn up your volume)


(In trutina mentis dubia
Fluctuant contraria
Lascivus amor et pudicitia

Sed eligo quod video
Collum iugo prebeo
Ad iugum tamen suave transeo

[English translation:]

[In Balance]

In my own wavering balance
Desire fluctuates with modesty
But I choose what I see

I bow my neck to the yoke
For the burden is sweeter after all
And so I take it upon me


-*Carmina Burana "In Turtina"

)


...(@) There was a noise coming from the other side. It reminded me of a heart beat, pulsating in rhythm. I was surprised that I can hear it so clearly. What can be so steady in a mass swarm? I couldn't believe my eyes. It was Justin as the pulse, holding up a radio like in the classic 80s film Say Anything

. There were people no beating up people for no reason, fires grew into huge blazes now, riots breaking out...and there he was standing in the middle of it as if it was nothing...


(See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side.
I wait for you.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you.

Through the storm, we reach the shore
You gave it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you.
I can't live with or without you.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

My hands are tied, my body bruised
She´s got me with nothing to win
And nothing left to lose.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you.

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you.


-*U2 "With Or Without You"

)


"JUSTIN! OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I yelled.

"WINNING YOU BACK!"

"YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED OUT THERE!"

"WILL YOU SAVE ME THEN?"

I couldn't believe what was happening right before my eyes. The mob made an existance and all he sees is me still-before I knew it, my feet did all the work, the thinking, the action to move. And I was haulted at the front entrance. We were only five feet standing apart from each other but it felt like twenty. And we couldn't wait to close in that gap with a kiss. "God damn it, you two!" I heard someone yelled through slurred words. It was the man that had always told us to shut up from his window. "Always with the yelling! I'll fix it where No one can be bothered by it once and for all!"

Everything was cut into slow motion at that point. I watched as the man running towards Justin with the bat in his hand. He raised it over his head, charging. His eyes wild with rage and insanity. Justin didn't move from his spot. "Noooooo!" I heard me yelled. My feet did all the thinking once again. Felt like the more I pushed my speed up a thousand notches, the more it felt like my feet was sinking into the sidewalk and street, making it a hard challenge to get to Justin.

Out of no where, another guy stepped in and without any notice, he knocked the man that was going to strike Justin in his head with what looked like a long wooden broom stick. And then went on a swinging spree in the opposite direction. I found myself standing in front of Justin. Panting and reaching out to him. He allowed me to feel his chest for a bit until he gently held my hands and pulled me close to him. "I love you, Honor. I can't see the diaster that is going on around us but I can see YOU. I don't care about what we believe or don't believe in but at this moment, I believe in you-in us. And I rather have my head bashed in from getting in to you than to die without being with you-"

I couldn't take anymore. I felt my own fire burning a passionate rage in me for this man. And I couldn't stand the thought of him getting hurt or murdered. So I silenced him with a kiss that was sure to turn on all the sprinklers and sound off sirens. I heard an explosion. Must've been one of the cars that was on fire...but the way our bodies had felt pressed against each other, it might as well could've been us that exploded and left this world behind.


***********************************************


*NELSON*


How on earth did things went from "safely stocking up" to "chaotic chaos"?! It didn't matter to me that people were leaving and business was closing down. That's logical. Yet angry mobs outside my house was the concern. They had trashed my car along with whoever else had theirs parked and when I went out to stop it, they charged after me. I never bolted for safety before till that night.