Sensei of Shambala by Anastasia Novykh (poetry books to read txt) 📕

But when, where? I tried to exert my memory, but I was unable to recollect it. I shook my head a little to get my mind out of this deadlock and back on track.
Sensei went on, “You have lived 16, 22, 30 years, and you, about 40 years. But each of you, do you remember how you lived? No, there are just some miserable scraps connected by emotional splashes.”
“Yes,” Nikolai Andreevich said in a thoughtful way, “life passed so quickly that I didn’t manage to notice it. All the time I spent studying, working, dealing with insignificant, endless family problems… There was no time to think about myself, about my soul, since there were always urgent matters.”
“Exactly,” Sensei agreed. “You think about the future and about the past. But you live in this very moment called ‘now’. And what is now? It’s a precious second of life, it’s a gift of God that should be rationally used. Tomorrow is a step into uncertainty. It’s not improbable that it may be your last step in this life, a step to the abyss, to infinity. And what will happen there?
“Each of you believes that he has plenty of time on the Earth, that’s why you don’t think about death. But is it true? Each of you may die any second, for any reason, as on the one hand you are a biological being. But on the other hand, you are not just a biological being, you are a human who possesses a particle of eternity. Having realized it, you will understand that your fate is in your hands and a lot of it depends on you, not only here, but also there. Just think it over: who are you, a perfect biorobot or a human, an animal or a spiritual creature? Who?”
“Well, a human… maybe,” Ruslan said.
“Exactly, maybe. And what is a human, in fact, have you thought? Go deep inside of this question. Who feels in you, how do you move in the space, who moves your extremities? How do your emotions arise in you, why do they arise? And do not shift the blame onto someone who bothered you, offended you, or vice versa, if you envied, gloated, gossiped. Is it your spiritual nature in you?
“Find a crystal source of your soul in you, and you will understand that all this material glare – cars, flats, villas, social status – all this material wealth you spend your conscious life reaching for will turn into dust. Dust which immediately will be transformed in this source into nothing. And life passes by. Life which might be used by you to be transformed into the endless ocean of wisdom.
“What is the sense of life, have you ever thought about it? The highest sense of life of each individual is the cognition of his soul. Other things are all temporary, passing through, just dust and illusion. The only way to understand your soul is through your internal love, through moral purification of your thoughts, and through the absolutely firm self-confidence to reach this goal, that is through internal faith… Until you have a glimmer of life in you, it’s still not too late to recognize yourself, to find your basis, the holy life-giving spring of your soul. Get know yourself, and you will understand who you are in reality.”

15

After all we had seen and heard during that meditation, there was something to seriously think about, especially for me on the verge of death. “God, these are the answers to my questions, which I have been looking for for so long. Is it possible that this formula of achieving immortality is so simple? Control your thoughts, believe and love. Is it possible that I will reach a saving shore, an edge of eternity from which the immortals already observe life, all those who have recognized themselves and their divine nature?! Is it possible that my “I” will be able to break loose from death’s grip? Even if I don’t have time to “re-conquer” my body, I will still be able to become free, and at least I will be prepared to meet with the unknown.” Such thoughts raised in me an unusual inspiration and a burst of internal power. I decided not to lay aside things for tomorrow but to start working immediately, right now. Because who knows what tomorrow will bring for me.
First I tried to examine my thoughts. But I felt so enthusiastic and inspired that I was unable to stop at something specific, as all my material thoughts suddenly disappeared under such a force. Then I started to investigate my feelings. Only now did I notice that I was so absorbed with my internal feelings that I started to look completely differently at even the outside world. This was some kind of a new vision, an unknown point of view for me on the old and, as they say, shabby problems.
A new vision surrounded me from all sides, like a cocoon, seizing my consciousness away from grey, everyday commonness with its trivial worries. I had the impression as if I existed by myself and the rest of the world by itself. Moreover, I observed for the first time the workings of my body from the outside. It was making its usual movements, as if it were on autopilot: it came home mechanically, took a shower mechanically, ate mechanically, and went mechanically into its separate corner, that is into the room. The real “I” at that time was observing it and thinking about its salvation. This small discovery shocked me. I found out that there is a true “I” in me and a kind of physical autopilot.
But the further the better. Once again having restored the conversation with Sensei to my thoughts, I recalled his words: “Have you ever thought how you move in space and who moves your extremities?” Examining myself from a new point of view, I reflected, “And really, who moves my extremities: the “I” or the autopilot?”
I looked at my open palm and decided to conduct a simple experiment. I thought, “I need to clench and undo my fist,” and my hand obediently executed it. “And now I am not going to move my fingers.” But this time, a wild thought flashed across my mind, “I’m still going to clench my fist.” My fingers, under the influence of this “order,” gripped and released again. “Oh!” I was surprised. “And who was that thinking in me? Who is there playing boss in my thoughts?!” Gathering myself up again this time, I was more persistent and concentrated my thoughts: “I won’t move my fingers. That’s what I want, and let it be so.” Strangely enough, my hand didn’t even move, and this wild, mad thought pretended to have never existed in my mind.
“Oho!” I was surprised even more. “It means that when I was relaxed in my thoughts, this someone started to invisibly manage my consciousness and my body by his will. And when I strictly control a thought, he disappears somewhere without a trace. Gosh!” Nevertheless, I was so happy to find out this fact, it was as if I had traced a spy thoroughly camouflaged for many years in my most secret department. “Yes, this clever boy is much more dangerous than that stupid autopilot. I should be more vigilant!”
It’s easy to say but hard to do. When I started to practice meditations, I understood that this dodger visited my thoughts all the time in the moment of relaxation, and especially during concentration on meditation, constantly diverting my attention on outside matters. He carried it all out in such a clever and logical way that I didn’t notice when I went off track in concentration. But when I concentrated my thoughts on meditation deeply and clearly, the dodger disappeared. But I needed only to weaken control and he would appear again. “What a skunk! Impudent and bothersome,” I thought, trying once again to concentrate on meditation. When I finished a meditation, I understood that it was not easy to fight with my number one enemy. “I will need to ask Sensei how to find justice for this dodger,” I thought, falling asleep. “Otherwise he is going to spoil everything for me.”
The next morning, when my splash of emotions had faded away a little after yesterday, I began again to observe myself from outside. Once again, my body somehow came off the warm bed and started to mechanically perform its morning ritual, getting ready for school. My mind, as it seemed to me, was sweetly sleeping, and that’s why I didn’t feel like thinking about anything. Walking the usual road to school through the city square, I was enjoying the surrounding stillness, the morning freshness, the rustling of fallen leaves. I really liked this state of peace. My mind slept, my body walked in a given direction, while I just felt well and cozy inside of myself. I felt that this was my true “I”.
But in school, the situation changed immediately. I flew into a tornado of events, information, emotions. As a result, I was completely confused about the nature of my thoughts because they came in a continuous torrent, and it was hard to sort out them, what was mine and what was foreign. And the whole day passed in this wild rhythm.

16

In the evening when I met the guys at the tram stop I started to share my achievements with them and asked with interest, “How about your results? Did you think after yesterday’s training?”
“There is nothing to think about,” Kostya said arrogantly. “My “I” is me, the whole, one and indivisible… I am not a maniac to divide myself in two parts.”
“Oh, yeah, you’re not a maniac, you’re a genius….from ward six. Does Napoleon bother you too much?” Andrew teased him with a smile.
“Stop it. I don’t have excessive megalomania.” He added, ”Great people don’t suffer from it.”
“Of course,” Andrew laughed, “I didn’t expect another answer.”
“Calm down or you’ll start with the same old song and dance. Tell me more about your experiences,” I said impatiently.
“There’s not much to tell,” Andrew answered. “Sensei said a lot of useful things yesterday. There’s enough to think over for many years. That’s what I was doing yesterday, I was reflecting on whether I had correctly formulated my goals for the future or whether I had to adjust them, taking into account the new information.”
“Oho! You really mind your language,” Slava said sarcastically. “Are you going to join the Academy of Science?”
“Oh no, Sensei is quite enough for me.”
“That’s true,” I said. “Did you succeed with meditation?”
“A lot better than yesterday. Thoughts didn’t crawl too much into my head. My concentration improved right away, and all the feelings became clearer.”
“Tatyana, did you manage with it somehow?”
“Well, to tell the truth, I didn’t do meditation and even didn’t think to try with it. I was so tired yesterday that I barely reached my bed. In the morning I had to take my younger brother to kindergarten, then I went to buy milk, after that to school. There’s no time for reflection when you have so much to do!”
“Right,” Kostya backed up her excuses. “You should not think but act. Youth is given for action and old age for reflection.”
“Aha,” Andrew teased him, “and when old you will be squeaking with your decrepit voice, thinking with the last remnants of your brain, ‘Ah, if only youth knew, if only old age was able to.’”
The guys laughed again, teasing Kostya.
“And what about you?” I asked Slava.
“All right.”
“In which sense all right?”
“Just the same as all of you.”
“All is clear,” Andrew smiled, hopelessly waving a