Bubba Do Good Does Christmas by Judy T. Lloyd (ink book reader .txt) 📕

through the woods to Grandma's house, Miller let off gas and hearing the backfire from him the mules went into a full gallop. The reports said that there was Bubba, yelling at the mules to stop and Ima was singing I shot the sheriff when they hit black ice. Poor Grandma heard a blood curling yell and she jumped up to see what was going on.
"Lord Gawd that there Ima is going to kill my Bubba. He is the best one that Johnny and his mama had."
Bubba really tried to stop the fast moving mule pulled chevy/ford truck with Christmas presents. They hit the out house and bounced up before hitting a pine tree. Sliding down the pine tree the dazed mules started letting off gas. Poor Miller Lite was letting off gas and it sounded a lot like Santa Claus is Coming To Town. Ima No was giggling his head off because to him the whole thing was funny. It was funny to us too especially when a skunk family came out to see what the smell was. Papa skunk shook his head and hurried his family back into their hole. One would have thought that the mules would have separated from the truck but no it did not. Presents were scattered all over the place and it would take a few weeks to sort out what belonged to who.

Startled as well by all the commotion the milking cow peeked around the corner of the pig pen. She bolted over top of them getting out because the whole crew was headed for the barn. The mama pig snorted and her piglets dashed under the rails of the pen and were out in the snow. Pigs being pigs found a big package from Omaha Steaks and they were busy rooting through the goodies. The Piglets and mama paid no attention to the smell, however with that much gas in the air, it lit a fire in the shed where the still was. The conflaguration could be seen for miles. Someone called the fire department. They groaned when they heard the location.
"That dang Ima No Good has done it again, I just bet he talked po ole Bubba into eating the sauce again." No these guys were not going to let Ima No get away with it again.

Meanwhile Bubba and his unconventinal sleigh rounded the house and took off the front porch on the first swing. The sleigh mules and all spun around and headed for the barn. Amid furious squawking of the hens, the mules plowed through like the freight train in town. They again hit the frozen pond which caused the sleigh to tip and spin around again. On the second swing around the house they took off the back porch. Miller Lite by this time had jumped out of the truck which dislodged Earnhardt. Miller Lite and Earnhardt were close to the remaining porch on the side, so they entered Grandma's house and hid under the bed. If you have ever seen a mule hide under a bed then you have seen it all.

Grandma was in a snit and she was hell bent on getting out the house to see where Bubba and the sleigh went to. Her yard had figure eights carved thoughout. She followed the pattern and saw that Bubba minus the mules had cut through the yard and finally had stopped. The only thing was the truck was backed up against the well. And Ima No was thrown out and up in the red oak tree still singing I Shot The Sheriff.
"Shut up you damn fool, when I get out here I am going to shoot you for messing with Earnhardt and Miller Lite." Bubba was covered in pieces of wrapping and presents that Miller Lite had let out. One of the letters to Santa had drifted up and twirled through the air before landing on well pump. A deputy sheriff found the note and read it out loud.
"Santa I would like Liz Taylor diamond, you can put it in the limosene. Please make sure that Brad Pit drive it. And make sure that Bubba gets a PT Cruiser and you can park that out back. Bubba and I have business to attend to. Make sure my Publishers Clearing House winnings get here in time for Christmas. I will leave you eggnog and myself under the tree."
It was signed Mrs. Lilly White, of course everyone knew she had a thing for Bubba since her husband had died a few years back.

Grandma had called the sheriff and when the dispatcher told him what Grandma had said, he immediately went out to the farm.
"Dang it Bubba we are going to have to get a wrecker out here to pull your truck out. I am going to arrest Ima because I know he started this."
"Where is my dog Miller Lite and Earnhardt?"
"Them there smelly varmits in under my bed and I reckon I don't rightly blame them."

When the local news channel picked up the story, there were all kinds of spins put to it. Some folks said that even Obama came out to see what had happened.
"I guess I will have to veto any bill requiring the real Santa Claus has to get a permit"
"You know Mr. President if only we could get a patent on the fruitcake hay that Ima No made."
"Well I guess it would not interfere with Global Warming would it."
Santa got word of what Bubba had tried to do and he understood that it was in good faith so he had Obama pardon Ima No and Bubba for Christmas. Pretty soon it became apparent that they were going to make the story into a movie.
The fire department got a new fire house paid for by Mrs. Lilly White, she really did win in the Publisher Clearing House contest. Grandma had a brick out house built by Ty Pennington who did an Extreme Makeover on the farm. Ima No is secured somewhere in Virginia in a Think Tank. We are waiting to see if Bubba marries Mrs. Lilly White but I hear tell that they enjoy the PT Cruiser Touring car a lot. You will recognize it by the Vote For Bubba A President That Believes In Only Changing Your Shorts.

So that being the case I recomend that Bubba be played by Larry The Cable Guy.
Ima be played by Jason Leigh.
Grandma is to be played by Roseanne Barr. The animals could be played by shelter animals that are rescued.
Of course Obama plays himself. Bubba would want some representation from the Republicans so Sarah Palin could play Mrs. Lilly White and the Reverend Percy by Tom Bosley .
Remember this it is never the end of the book with Bubba he has his own list of words and assorted misdeeds and good deeds for several books. Imprint

Text: I have implied copyright with AllPoetry and Useless Knowledge Magazine
Publication Date: 12-26-2009

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
This is dedicated to all the rednecks and non intellectuals in the world.