INSANITY by Elsie Janda (interesting novels in english .TXT) 📕

Kylie

I’m in big trouble now. I don’t know how I ended up there, but I appeared in Mom’s bedroom in the middle of the night. She was bleeding very heavily and has multiple broken ribs. She’s accusing me. I want to say that it wasn’t me, but my hands were covered in blood.

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Westley

I chickened out once again. I was so close to finally doing it. I had my noose tied, hanging from the ceiling, around my neck. Yet I decided against completing the process due to my own silly, pointless fear. I was so close. So close to being free. So close to being dead.

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Alicia

Nothing. I have consumed absolutely nothing today, all day. No food. No water. Nothing.

Janelle

I was almost caught cutting today by my father. I don’t really mind if he knows, but he’d feel compelled to tell my mother. Mom would react very badly, I’m afraid. I’d be grounded for life. Luckily, my life won’t last too much longer if I have my way.

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Logan

My parents appear to be very worried about us. Well, mostly my mother. Dad doesn’t really seem to care what’s going on in our lives. My brother and I have been scheduled to see a psychiatrist soon. I guess that means we are crazy.

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Kylie

I was back with that psychiatrist today. He keeps on asking me why I won’t admit to hurting my mom. He won’t listen when I tell him that I didn’t do anything. And he should really stop asking about my father. Doesn’t he realize I don’t remember him? I actually suspect that he knows something about my father. I want him to tell me. Why won’t he?

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Westley

I am so sick of this. This isn’t a life. This is freaking torture. Torture. I live everyday only wanting to die. I go to bed every night afraid that I’ll wake up in morning. And I feel… nothing. Empty. Maybe I’m actually already dead, and I’m stuck in this body, breathing.

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Alicia

I’m afraid my sister suspects what I am doing. I said I wasn’t feeling well at breakfast and refused to eat. I had to drink a full glass of orange juice to make her happy. Unfortunately, my stomach has been growling, begging for food, and I think she may have noticed. If she finds out, I’m in big trouble.

Janelle

I haven’t cut at all today, and it was a very difficult thing for me to do. I think I’m addicted to my blade. I’m literally trembling from the severe need to slice my arm. I’m being watched by my father, however, so I can’t do anything about this. I think he might know what I’ve been hiding so carefully. I would really like to know what he’s going to do about it.

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Logan

I suppose I should mention that my brother and I are officially crazy. My Dad had always suspected this. The psychiatrist proved it.

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Kylie

I tried asking Mom about my father again today. Unfortunately, we had to talk on the phone because I’m not supposed to see her. There also had to be a guard in the room. I guess I really did do this.

“Hey, mom!”

“Kylie.”

“I swear I didn’t do it. Mom, you’ve gotta believe me.”

“I promise the psychiatrist will explain what’s happening.”

“All the psychiatrist does is ask about my father.”

“You don’t need to know about him.”

“I want to know.”

“You don’t need to.”

Then she hung up, like all of a sudden she’s scared of me. I probably would be too.

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Westley

What in the world have I become? I honestly do not believe that I’m me anymore. I’ve… changed, somehow. I’m not the person I used to be. What I would like to know is who – or what – I’ve become.

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Alicia

I was forced to eat today. My parents decided that we would eat as a family for lunch, and my sister wouldn’t accept that I wasn’t going to eat. I only had a few spoonfuls of rice and a glass of milk. It was enough to make her happy. Unfortunately, it was just enough to make me feel like a freak. A fat freak.

Janelle

The minute I woke up this morning, I grabbed my razor and put a new incision on my wrist. My father has been carefully examining everything I do, so I took the moments of privacy that I’d had to cut, and then I had to cover it with a band-aid. No letting it bleed, and I couldn’t go too deep. This is going to be a difficult thing to hide.

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Logan

I absolutely cannot believe this… How could this thing be happening to me? It just can’t be possible. Please don’t let this be possible. This is far too devastating. This is far too much for me to bear. It just can’t be true. I can’t be in love with a girl I created with my mind.

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Kylie

The psychiatrist finally decided to explain everything to me. He told me what people mean when they say I disappear. He says that I completely change. It’s kind of like I leave my body and something else comes in. It’s like I get possessed by a different personality. I suppose this does mean I’m crazy.

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Westley

I now have a gun in my possession. The next time I get beat up, or picked on, or mocked, I swear to God I’ll shoot myself.

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Alicia

I didn’t eat anything at all today. I had a glass of water. Nothing else. Hopefully it’ll manage to stay this way for a few more days. It’s horrid, how awful I feel after I eat. I’d rather live with the hunger than with the guilt.

Publication Date: 10-25-2012

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
To the people that have helped me fight my own demons.