I Should Leave Now.... by August Nexus (heaven official's blessing novel english txt) 📕

a glass table in the centre which was surrounded by couches and an arm chair. A bookshelf on the left to the couches was packed with books of various genres including fiction, mystery and psychology. The walls were  decorated with paintings by Dali and other famous painters. Whosoever collected these had a great taste for art. The floor was carpeted thickly and was very clean. The room smelled of roses and lavenders. I sat on a couch against the armchair. Behind the armchair there was a small door which seemed to be a restroom. After a while the door opened and she entered the room. I stood up to greet her but she nodded me to sit down.
She then made herself comfortable in the wooden armchair and said, “Sorry to keep you waiting. I am Dr. Nikita Raj, your new friend who knows a li’l bit of psychology.”
She had a very beautiful voice but she was much more beautiful herself. She looked like some painting Vinci would have made. She was tall and slim, had a very beautiful face which looked like as if made very carefully by combining the sheen of stars and the glow of the moon. She was wearing casual clothes. A denim jeans and a cotton shirt with a scarf round her neck. She had put on slight make. Her looks though grave as suited to her job were still soothing. 
 “It's ok.”
“What's your name”
“Adam Wills Crasto” (Eurynomos I wanted to say but thought better of it.)
“Christian?”
“I don't have faith”
“Ok. Why are you here Adam?.......Can I call you Adam?”
“Yeah Sure........”
There was a moment of silence but it seemed as if hours past by. Finally she spoke, “ See Adam it is very important for you too speak. If you will not let your things come out then I won't be able to help you. Please tell me”
“I.... I am not sure if it is good to speak about my condition. I am much more intricately messed up than you can imagine” said I irritatingly.
“ Ok Adam. Let me help you in this. Just tell me what has forced you to come here.”
“ I've tried to kill myself last night for the 5th time this year” i said hastily.
“Would you like to tell me the reason Adam”
“ I would have told u I f I knew. But the thing is that I don't know the actual reason myself. Something overpowers me and compels me to hurt myself.”
“ Well Adam it is a trait of the patients of suicidal tendencies. Can you tell us what triggers the feeling of suicide in you”
“ I try to die whenever I watch someone being ditched or I read a book with a sad ending or somebody tells me that I am not worthy.”
She looked at the my hands for a while. I was rubbing my hands continuously from the very beginning of the session.
“Adam first of all you are not going to die. So don't panic. It's just a small psychological problem. What you have to do is to start writing a diary in which you will have to explore different aspects of your life from the very beginning.”
“Are you asking me to write an autobiography?”
“Not really but yes you can put it like that. Ok and we will meet after a week. Do write a diary.”
“Ok and thank you.”
“Thank you. Mr. Crasto. Meet you after a week.”
“Thank you” I said and came back. So as she asked me I have started to write diary. I should leave now. Hope to write again.
                                                       Eurynomos....................

            -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
 

Chapter 2

26 march            10:3Opm                    
I think I should start by introducing me. I am Adam Wills Crasto but I prefer to be addressed as Eurynomos. I was born to Wills Augustus Crasto ( my so called biological father) and Sumita Goswami on 29 October 1979. Yes on the anniversary of ‘Black Tuesday’. The day which is supposed to be the starting of the great depression but I am not going to discuss that as I have the least possible knowledge about it. It's just a sheer coincidence that the most depressed man on earth was born on the anniversary of the most depressing day.
Well moving further, at present I am 34, college dropout , actually jobless but an artist by profession, art lover, single and yes the most important thing about me- have suicidal tendencies. In the further days of my life (if left any) I will write about the happenings of my life in this diary. So that’s all for today. I should leave now. Hope to write again.
                          Eurynomos…………
 

Chapter 3

 27 March                        10:19 pm                                     

My childhood. Well it looks like I had a childhood as common and general as any other kid. Being the son of two people coming from different religion I was  given the religious education for both the religions and was always told that god is one and omnipresent. I was frequently told about how to behave, how to talk to people, respect elders, be kind to others, make good friends etc. etc.
When I was 3 and a half years old my parent got me admitted into an English medium school which all the middle class people are supposed to afford but…..
So I went there to start my life of education. My school was not a big school neither It was a convent. It was a three story square building with about 30-35 rooms and gave education to children up to 5th  standard. Teachers were all good and kind and I made a lot of friends without knowing the true meanings of friendship. Life out of school was somewhat different as compared to other kids of my age. My parents were quite overprotective when it came to me as I was the only child they had or if I put it clearly my mother wasn’t able to get pregnant again due to some problems which occurred at the time of my birth. I am told that at the time of my birth doctors said that we can save only one life either mine or my mother’s. My father who was going to become a father after 5 years of his married life said to the doctors that he wanted both of us alive otherwise he will get all of them jailed. Well by some miracle both me and my mother were saved but my mother lost her uterus and hence lost all hopes to become a mother again.
So I was the only child they had and they wanted me to grow up to be the best of all men in the world. So In accordance with these things I was kept away from all the things that could have spoiled me and kept me from being what I ought to be. So I was not allowed to play outside, I was not allowed to go anywhere, I was not allowed to talk to any people unless my parents wanted me to.
In this way I went through my childhood. I made friends in my school which was now upgraded to a senior secondary school. I was good to everybody, all the people out there were my friends, I had no enemies, I was as comfortable with girls as I was with the boys. All was going good or at least I thought everything was going good. I was happy despite of being a boy as ok less boyish as one could be, I was like those people who are so helpless and hopeless that nothing provokes them. I was just living a life which every child on earth will despise. As I reached the age of 13, i.e. as I approached that point of life which most of the children look forward to or which most of guys see as the opportunity to have fun of their life, i was the most unextraordinary child in the room. I was not sporty, i had no real talents, i never knew most of the things that people knew before hand, i was, most of the times, at mercy of my friends, i was so lean and thin that I would have fainted if did an actual kind of physical activity. But all these I realised very late when people started to point these things out by putting a finger in my eyes and showing me that what a worst Kind of git I am.
It's always interesting to be the matter of jokes to everyone, isn't it? I was nobody's matter of concern but everybody's matter of laughter.  Well haven't got any jokes in the house? no problem we have Adam. Let's just play about with Adam let us just throw him up like a ball, call him names, mash up his confidence, get the hell out of him and make him follow you across the school compound and field and yes u can always laugh at the way Adam eats , the way  Adam walks, the way Adam runs, the way Adam do things, the way Adam is the worst outcast, the way Adam relies on everyone, the way Adam can never hit you, the way Adam hits you, the way Adam is so girly, the way can befooled around and all the ways in which Adam is funniest joker in the room.
Eurynomos...........

Chapter 4

28 march                          10:10pm                        

They say,” school life is the best life one can have”, do you know what I say to it?. I say that , School life is the worst life one can have.
My school life was good in the only sense that I had some loving teachers otherwise I was never exited to go to school. Going to school meant for me going to a place where u present yourself to people